Boyfriend doesn't make the effort with my family or friends

[Alice4297]

We've been together about 9 months, have recently moved in together... mostly things are great, but this one issue keeps surfacing and it really frustrates me.

In the first couple of months he always refused to hang out with my friends when I invited him, he would give weak excuses like he was tired or just didn't feel up to it that night or whatever (but EVERY single time)... I didn't really push it back then, I'm kind of shy and we were still getting to know each other... but it did bother me.

Since the relationship became more serious he started coming to a handful of things here and there with my friends and family - he's come to all the big events like christmas, an engagement party, my birthday... but almost never to friends' or my parents' houses just for dinner or to hang out or something... and when he has he's often been late and I'm always very aware that it's a huge chore for him to go - I feel like I have to drag him there with the threat of me being upset with him otherwise... We're in a pretty serious relationship but my parents and friends barely know him... conversly, we hang out with his friends ALL the time. It would be very rare that a week would go by without me seeing his friends. Right from the beginning I've gone to almost every single thing he's invited me to with his friends because IMO that's what you SHOULD do when you're in a relationship - you make the effort to get to know the people who are important to your partner, right? His family live overseas so I haven't actually met them in person but again, whenever he skypes with them and asks me to be there I make damn sure I am.

I have spoken to him about this twice already... the first time I was very gentle about it and he seemed to agree with me in principle but didn't make any promises and nothing really changed... the second time I spat the dummy after he turned up late to dinner at my parents' house and then complained later about having to leave work early for it (he is self employed and was doing paperwork). Last night he didn't come to dinner with me at my parents' place again because he wanted to watch the moto GP (not the main event, the moto 2 and 3, which he is interested in but he certainly wouldn't stay at home to watch it in favour of doing something with HIS friends)... so we've had another fight... he thinks I'm being unfair and making a big deal out of nothing... and if these incidents were isolated he'd probably be right - for example either of these last two things by themselves wouldn't be so bad, but the thing is that it's EVERY SINGLE TIME... there's ALWAYS some reason... it's gotten to the point where I don't even feel like inviting him to things anymore because I know it's heading for a fight or at least bad feeling between us


I'm so fed up with it... argh...

Apart from this things are great... so I don't know what to do... this issue really bothers me and it seems like talking to him doesn't resolve anything, in fact it just causes a fight... .... he says he likes my parents and they definitely like him... so apparently the issue is just that he can't be bothered making the effort...

help!

[Boisdevie]

Don't talk to us. We are strangers and have not idea. Talk to HIM.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Does he make a big deal out of it when you don't want to go somewhere with him?

How often do you invite him to friends and family things?

Just because he is working at home, doesn't mean that the work needs to be put off. Stop inviting him so much and stop hanging out with his friends so much.

[vashti]

This won't change in time, and there is nothing you can do to get him to change. I think you should decide if this is a deal-breaker for you. (It probably would be for me.)

[pisces25]

Yeh just stop hanging out with his friends and show him how it feels. This would be a deal-breaker for me. He is being disrespectful to your feelings.

[Jason521]

Thanks for your post