I'm madly in love with a girl I met online, dont know what to do.

[Gazzer86]

Hi guys, just found this forum on google and it seems pretty active so hopefully I can get some good advice and support.

So my situation, I met this girl online 7 months ago and have fell madly in love with her (i'm 19 shes 20), shes from phoenix arizona and i'm from london england so its a very long distance relationship but I can honestly say i've never felt like this before for any girl. She is literally perfect, beautiful and her personality is amazing. I can't stop thinking about her to the point where i'm literally dreaming about this girl and everyday I can't wait to finish work and come on at night to speak to her, we speak for hours and hours on skype and facebook and have so many laughs, she says shes so in love with me it scares her and shes also never felt this way before despite being in previous relationships. She wants to go to the Caribbean with me next year after shes finished her degree so we can finally meet and i've agreed to it. So whats the problem you're probably asking? Well over the last couple of days i've been getting this overwhelming feeling that all of this is just not realistic, she is so perfect and I can't get her off my mind for a single minute but shes not here with me. Shes a fantasy, I know shes real obviously as I speak to her every night but I can't help but feel we'll never be together. The distance and the fact we have our own seperate lives more or less in two seperate worlds means one of us is going to have to make a HUGE sacrifice to make this dream become a reality, and i'm just not sure it will come true. Also what if she meets another guy? That would break my heart if she came on and said shes met someone else, that is something I keep thinking about and it scares me as i'm so in love with her its a joke. Theres no way I can live without her now but in the long term I just dont know whats going to happen and it scares me, this love I feel for her scares me because i've never felt it and I just don't know what to do. Sorry if i'm getting carried away but I just want you guys to know how I feel and how I can control my emotions for this girl better. Any help would be greatly appreciated

[Boisdevie]

I find this quite disturbing to be quite honest. I wonder if you need therapy of some kind - I'm not joking. Your feelings seem so extreme. A question. Have you had serious relationships with women before? Are you a virgin? Not being nosy but I have the impression that you might be pretty inexperienced and this could explain in some ways what's happening here.

[Wakeup]

I suggest you go out and get laid. (by a local chica) Once you have the feel of a real live girl you'll likely find that a relationship based on words just won't cut it for you anymore

[Gazzer86]

I'm not a virgin no, i've had a couple of relationships before but I have never felt anything close to how i've felt for this girl. She is my first true love, I know my feelings are extreme and thats why i'm here for advice, because I dont know how to control my emotions. I speak to her on camera every single night and I fall deeper in love with her everyday. I'm just really confused because it's starting to effect my social life and I can't get her out of my head, i'd rather speak to her than go out with my mates and i've been putting certain events off just so I can talk to her. It may seem unhealthy but I cant help the way I feel, I love her so much and see me spending the rest of my life with this girl.

[Wakeup]

I'm not a virgin no, i've had a couple of relationships before but I have never felt anything close to how i've felt for this girl. She is my first true love, I know my feelings are extreme and thats why i'm here for advice, because I dont know how to control my emotions. I speak to her on camera every single night and I fall deeper in love with her everyday. I'm just really confused because it's starting to effect my social life and I can't get her out of my head, i'd rather speak to her than go out with my mates and i've been putting certain events off just so I can talk to her. It may seem unhealthy but I cant help the way I feel, I love her so much and see me spending the rest of my life with this girl.

In that case I suggest you go out and get laid, take a shower and then book an appointment with a therapist.

[Gazzer86]

In that case I suggest you go out and get laid, take a shower and then book an appointment with a therapist.

I could do all of that but my feelings for this girl will still be the same. I don't think I need therapy, and even if I do I wouldn't even know where to go to get help. I just cant stop thinking about her, shes on my mind from the moment I wake up until I go to sleep and even then I have frequent dreams about her. Like I said i've never felt this way about anyone before so it's hard for me but I just want to get a bit of normality back in my life while still maintaining my love for her.

[Wakeup]

You're obsessed with her and that's not healthy particularily since you've not even met her yet and are basing your feelings on words without substatiation. You can speak to your parents about this or your school guidance councellor or your family physician to let them know the extent of your addiction who will refer you to someone if he feels you could use someone to help you get back to some normalcy in your life.

In the meantime start weaning yourself away from the obsessive thinking by curtailing your chats to every other day or something and talk to someone close to you that you trust. You don't need to be ruining your life and motivation over some internet chick who you don't even really know. If she were ever to diappear on you, I fear for your mental health for goodness sakes.

[Boisdevie]

You yourself have admitted that your feelings are extreme. Yes they are extreme and not 'normal' however you define normal. So you need to address why your feelings are so extreme and consider the idea of some kind of help/therapy. Obsessing over someone you have never met in person can't be healthy.

[Gazzer86]

Thanks for the advice guys, i'm going to talk to my mum about it as she is the only person I can really open up to about this. My friends would just laugh at me. Hopefully I can learn to control my emotions better for this girl.

[searock]

I was just thinking... funny how what something that would have been called "love" a couple centuries ago is now without a doubt emotional instability. I'm not saying I don't agree, just that I find it an interesting indicator of the way mentalities change :-).

Anyway, I also think that your (OP's) feelings are extreme, because you cannot possibly be in love with a person you've never even met in real life. You are in love (although in this case obsessed is the appropriate term) with the *idea* you have of this girl. Either you find the way to meet in person in at most a couple months time, or you tell her it's time you go your separate ways and you start dating someone closer to you.

[Margie1]

Thanks for sharing.

[bulrush]

OP, for whatever reason, you seem a bit too sensitive. You are investing too many emotions too fast, and you are not looking at this LDR rationally. You will probably never see this person, you two are on separate continents. Try to find a local girl, I think you will be happier with a person you can touch.

[Gazzer86]

OP, for whatever reason, you seem a bit too sensitive. You are investing too many emotions too fast, and you are not looking at this LDR rationally. You will probably never see this person, you two are on separate continents. Try to find a local girl, I think you will be happier with a person you can touch.

I don't want to find another girl, because I know for a fact she wont make me feel the way this girl does. I only want to be with her.

[meh]

OP, I urge you not to listen to all the people posting stereotypical negative remarks in this thread, in the sense of "You've never met her, you can't know her based on words, go out and get laid".

I don't know much about your personal situation, but I can tell you that I personally met my wife online, fell in love with her and sustained a relationship without meeting in person for over a year and then met and, lo and behold, it was exactly as we thought it would be, if not better. And trust me, we come from way, WAY more extremely different environments than you and your girlfriend.

That said, it's true that one of you will have to make a great sacrifice if you are going to live your lives together in person. I suggest you see right away if you are willing to do that, and, if not, if she is. Because if neither of you is willing to abandon their current life, family, job, friends etc., then it's very unlikely things will ever work.

And just because you're madly in love with someone and obsessing about them doesn't mean you need to see a therapist. Seriously, some of the people posting in this thread are totally ignorant and deranged.

[searock]

Personally I think it's strange for him to be so "in love" and obsessed not much for the feelings per se, which can happen especially when one is still young and are just a regular part of life (the sweeping, overwhelming feeling of "being in love" that is), but because these feelings are for someone he hasn't even actually met. This is what makes me think that his obsession is really just an obsession, that goes on in his own mind. He cannot possibly know that this girl is the one and only for him, he hasn't even touched her or caught a whiff of her scent - let alone go through everyday life together! It's "normal" to become infatuated by an idea of somebody, but not to this obsessive point.

OP, I repeat: you need to find a way to meet as soon as possible (i.e. less than 2 months from now). If that is not possible, and you can't let go because of your obsession, then at least tell her to make your relationship an open one.