I'm madly in love with a girl I met online, dont know what to do.

[Gazzer86]

Just be grateful she told you all this before making you spend all that money for her. Don't stick around just because you're afraid she might hurt herself - that's her issue and you have no responsibility whatsoever.

Thanks but I don't know what to do. Part of me wants to stay and be with her because I love her so much and the other part is telling me to get away from this before I get too deep. She wouldn't stop crying last night, so I told her I was going to take her away on that Caribbean cruise she wants and she was so excited about it, she started looking at sites and urging me to book them but I told her I need to apply for a visa first and look into it more. Shes really pushing for this trip in July so I'm thinking I should just go for it and see how it goes.

[Boisdevie]

This just gets better and better. Really it does. For sheer entertainment value it's excellent. If I can find the email address of the OP I'm going to send him one of those "I'm a Nigerian prince - please give me your bank account details and I'll send you a few million dollars in commission" emails.

[Wakeup]

Well after speaking to her for hours last night and the night before i've found out A LOT more about her. I discussed the possibility about coming to visit her early and she seemed keen on the idea, shes currently studying to be a certified nursing assistant but is starting college in august to be a psychology major and go into surgery. So I told her that I have 8,000 in savings in my account and that i'd be willing to use it to come and see her, she said she'd rather I come before she starts college but the only thing is shes broke and has no money so I told her i'd help her out with funds and she said that would be great. Then she started telling me things about how her family are so poor and her mum can hardly afford to pay the bills and I told her I would try and help out and she told me that would be great if I could but I dont have too, but I want to help her and her family out.

Things then started getting darker, she started opening up to me about her life and what shes been through and theres a lot of stuff that I just cant get my head around. She told me that if i'm coming to visit her in the summer then I have a right to know some things about her and what shes been through, apparently she split up with her last boyfriend last feb and after she split with him she was so upset that she started cutting herself, she hasn't cut herself since last april. Shes also admitted that her older brother suffers from serious mental health issues and that her mother is bipolar, the doctors also think she could be bipolar but shes in denial about it. She also admitted to an ex boyfriend drugging her sodas at a party and raping her. She then told me about how she used to be bullied at school for her weight (shes slim now) and that it got so bad once she ran back home and her mum tried to make her go back, she got into an argument with her mum and went to grab a knife from the dishwasher to stab herself. Her mum stopped her andshe felt so guilty and took over 60 pills and locked herself in her room and tried to kill herself. She also doesn't have much of a social life because her mum doesn't let her go out much and shes always worrying about things. So obviously after hearing all this I told her i'm going to need some space to think about all this and clear my head. Shes not the same person I thought she was, but obviously i'm still in love with her and I want to help her and take care of her. I'm not used to dealing with this though, i'm just a normal guy with a normal life with normal friends and I feel like i've fallen for a girl whos got all kinds of psychological problems although she said since meeting me shes been fine and never felt happier, which makes it even worse because I feel like I can't let her out of my life now. I fear that if I said goodbye she would do something bad and I dont want that on my conscious. I don't know what to do, her lifes so depressing and I thought she was this sweet innocent girl but shes not, i'm really scared about meeting her and being involved in her life and i'm also worried that she will bring me down as well if I got involved with her and I don't want to become some manic depressive. But I love her so much and I don't want to cut her out of my life either, plus I think she would do something drastic if I was to leave now and I couldn't handle that. I'm so confused.

Ya see, this is why you have to dispute posts like "Meh's" He would have had you packed up and off to rescue this damsel in distress due to encouraging you to follow through on your obsession and ignore the nay-sayers.

Anyway.. You don't owe this girl a thing so stop taking on her illness as your own and quit thinking that you need to get on your white steed and rescue her from HERSELF. She will drag you down with her a sure as shit. You need help to get yourself out of this so get talking to your mother for guidance and your doctor for a referral to a councellor who is familiar with helping those with co-dependency or white knight syndrome. There is nothing admirable about a doormat or a martyr nor is there anything attractive about those types of men even though YOU get some sort of validation by being a martyr or saviour it is not a healthy way to get your self-worth. Never ruin your own financial or emotional health over a woman. It should be equal give and not just take.

[Asip4u]

She's going to suck the life out of you if you don't smarten up and let her go. As already mentioned you don't owe her anything. This is exactly what type of shit i was talking about. People can tell you all kinds of stuff and it's very hard to know if they're lying or not and what other secrets they might have...Help yourself now and get out!

[Gazzer86]

Thanks for the help, after looking up co-dependency and white knight syndrome i'm going to try and get as much help as I can get. I dont want to cut this girl out of my life, but I need to control my own self more. I'm going to try and stop thinking about her constantly during the day and worrying about what shes doing and just live my life, hopefully my obsessive thoughts for her will die down in time. Thanks for the help I really appreciate it.

[Wakeup]

Keep us updated on your withdrawl progress. If you need a kick in the ass... I'll be glad to give it to you. ;o)

[Gazzer86]

Thanks and I will do, i'll politely decline the kick up the ass though, I think figuratively you've already done that.

[Wakeup]

.... Like now when I bring to your attention that you'll very luckly be unable to get over this while you're still in contact with her so facilitate the fade in a timely manner and if you can't stop the obsessive thoughts and actions then go cold turkey and get on with the ultimate cure for what ails ya, which is zero contact.

Thanks and I will do, i'll politely decline the kick up the ass though, I think figuratively you've already done that.

consider it a online intervention :o)

Cheers and good luck.

[growtogether]

wooaw, that is a looooot of information! How do you feel about this? I saw that you wrote ''I feel like I can't let her out of my life now. I fear that if I said goodbye she would do something bad and I dont want that on my conscious''. Where is the feeling of love now because I see that you may just stay with her because she may kill herself....hummm, it's getting dangerous I think.

[Gazzer86]

Tbh the way I feel for her has changed, its becoming more and more strange. Shes not the person I thought she was. I've just come off speaking to her, only spoke to her for 30 mins tonight, she said she fell asleep in class today because she didnt have any food, I asked her why she didn't have any food and she said because she doesnt have any money. She also goes without food often at home and lives off noodles because her mum cant afford to go grocery shopping often, and most of their income goes towards paying their bills. She kept mentioning how hungry she was to me, then she asked jokingly if she could borrow $500 and I just laughed it off. She then mentions that its her dads birthday (he doesn't live with her) coming up and she feels like shes a bad daughter because she can't afford to buy him anything, again it sounded like she was hinting for me to offer her some cash but I just reassured her and told her i'm sure her dad understands if shes got no cash but she said she still feels bad. I feel weird about the whole thing, I mean I love her but theres something not right about this, I feel like i'm being taken for a mug, but if it really is true then I feel sorry for her because she does seem desperate but i'm not prepared to give my money to someone I only know from skype so i'm not going to budge on this. I just feel like her feelings for me might not be real and that really hurts me as my feelings for her are real and I really have fallen in love with her, but its starting to get too much for me. I'm going to have to think long and hard about what i'm letting myself in for here before its too late.

[Gazzer86]

Oh yeah she also mentioned about the medications shes on and one of them is the birth control pill, I never questioned this at the time but doesn't that mean shes sexually active? She told me she hasn't had sex in over a year so why would she need to take that?

[Saya]

Oh yeah she also mentioned about the medications shes on and one of them is the birth control pill, I never questioned this at the time but doesn't that mean shes sexually active? She told me she hasn't had sex in over a year so why would she need to take that?

A lot of women goes on birth control pills to stop themselves from falling pregnant and also, some take pills for controlling periods, acne etc. (The pills can stop your periods or if she have heavy periods/bad period pains then, the pills can help that too)
So this doesn't means that she is on the pills because she is sexually active.

[TeeJay19]

Finally sounds like you're thinking sensibly.

Look, of course this girl's situation is unfortunate, but you have to think about yourself first. I know it sounds selfish but it's true. There's no reason why you have to get yourself involved with all this drama. Wouldn't you rather be with someone without all the baggage?

I had a friend who dated a girl with some pretty serious emotional problems (she cut herself and was pretty emotionally unstable and a severe alcoholic). My friend thought they could work through it and they ended up getting married. All they did was fight and and her alcoholism kind of rubbed off on him. 9 months into their marraige she starts seeing a therapist for all her problems and comes to the conclusion that she never really loved my friend and wants a divorce. But you know what? It was the best thing that ever happened to him. Now he's dating a sane girl and I've never seen him happier. He's lost a ton of weight, doesn't drink nearly as much and is overall a lot healthier, physically and mentally. The point of the story? This girl will bring you down. Her problems will become your problems until eventually she breaks your heart.

Also, it definitely sounds like this girl is after some of your. You sound young, and $8000 is pretty impressive for someone your age. Don't piss it all away on this girl.

Good luck with all of this.

[Gazzer86]

Well thats it guys, I finally said goodbye to her just now. It was the hardest thing i've ever had to do, and I feel like absolute crap. I feel physically sick, but it had to be done. She didn't take the news well, she was crying and begging for me to stay and threatened to cut herself, but I stayed strong. Shes out of my life now, and I hope she gets all the help she needs because I love her so much and I want her to be happy. But it's not realistic, she lives too far away and she has too many problems that I just cant deal with. Its going to be a long road for me but i'm staying strong and keeping my head up, I will remember all the good times we had even if they were just online and I will never forget how she taught me to fall in love. Well the suns shining, the birds are singing and i'm off for a nice long walk in the park with my headphones, thank you all so much for your help and i'll keep you all posted on how I get on in the next few weeks, this place has helped me not feel so alone in all this so thank you all.

[meh]

This just gets better and better. Really it does. For sheer entertainment value it's excellent. If I can find the email address of the OP I'm going to send him one of those "I'm a Nigerian prince - please give me your bank account details and I'll send you a few million dollars in commission" emails.

How constructive. I'm sure everyone is very grateful for your contribution. (I'm being sarcastic - thought I should tell you since you're too much of a moron to figure it out)

Ya see, this is why you have to dispute posts like "Meh's" He would have had you packed up and off to rescue this damsel in distress due to encouraging you to follow through on your obsession and ignore the nay-sayers.

You have some serious reading comprehension issues. I never told him to "pack up and rescue the damsel". I just told the guy to think for himself, to talk to her about it (which, coincidentally, is how he got to the bottom of things) and to think about how their relationship could work out in the future. You, on the other hand, seem to be in the habit of telling everyone to break it off. I guess sometimes that makes you right. It also makes you a dipshit.

Well thats it guys, I finally said goodbye to her just now. It was the hardest thing i've ever had to do, and I feel like absolute crap. I feel physically sick, but it had to be done. She didn't take the news well, she was crying and begging for me to stay and threatened to cut herself, but I stayed strong. Shes out of my life now, and I hope she gets all the help she needs because I love her so much and I want her to be happy. But it's not realistic, she lives too far away and she has too many problems that I just cant deal with. Its going to be a long road for me but i'm staying strong and keeping my head up, I will remember all the good times we had even if they were just online and I will never forget how she taught me to fall in love. Well the suns shining, the birds are singing and i'm off for a nice long walk in the park with my headphones, thank you all so much for your help and i'll keep you all posted on how I get on in the next few weeks, this place has helped me not feel so alone in all this so thank you all.

I'm glad you found this out about her and I'm glad you took the decision you took. If you hadn't gotten to it yourself, I'd have advised you to ditch her, too. She has way too many issues, the biggest of which seems to be her dishonesty (she should have told you all of this earlier). And her pathetic hints at needing money are very blatant indicators that she meant to use you. Also, she seemed extremely immature if she can't afford food but wants to go for a cruise in the Caribbean.

I'm glad you are getting over her.

And, for all the narrow-minded people who will reply to this post: her dishonesty and all the other issues she has (cutting, poverty, mental health issues, bad family) have nothing to do with the OP having only met and/or known her in real life. You'd be surprised how little you can know about something you're with in real life, and how much you can know about someone just through talking.