It's been 2 1/2 years since my wife left, I'm still not over it BrokenHeartedForLife

[Pathetic]

no divorce papers. i'm still not over her. when I smoke weed it's easy for me to breathe life easily, when I don't have any weed that's when she circles around in my head, it becomes so unbearable that I'll buy another bag of weed even though I promise I'd quit smoking weed or take a break from it. I still dream about her and ache for her. I still love her so much. I email her sometimes even though she doesn't reply. I know emailing her isn't really a good idea, but I feel so desperate. I don't know what to do anymore. They say that it takes half the time that you guys were together to get over a break up, i did the math, we were together 5 years and it's somewhat officially the 2 1/2 year mark since we broke up, still not over her, it still feels fresh in my head. no one seems to understand me or care much. Help...

[Pathetic]

no replies? just cause i smoke weed? don't judge. it's not crack. alcohol kills people, marijuana doesn't.

[dem862]

The weed helps you escape from the pain. But the pain is still there. You have to actually work through the pain, instead of trying to escape from it. It hurts to work through emotional pain. That's why you would rather escape from it. Until you actually work through the pain, it will always be there, under the surface, ready to rear it's ugly head and make you feel bad.

Why did she leave?

[Pathetic]

The weed helps you escape from the pain. But the pain is still there. You have to actually work through the pain, instead of trying to escape from it. It hurts to worth through emotional pain. That's why you would rather escape from it. Until you actually work through the pain, it will always be there, under the surface, ready to rear it's ugly head and make you feel bad.

Why did she leave?

Thanks.
she left because I was verbally and physically abusive (no i did not beat her up, no i don't get off at hitting women, there were just a few occasions where I let my hand and anger slip, meaning it would just be one hit for every 8 months or something like that and i would regret it terribly, but i never cornered her and beat on her like a thug, my hand would just slip once at that given moment, i regret this terribly and consider it the worst thing I've ever done in my life, please don't judge me, I made a mistake and i know i can never do this again, my parents were physically and verbally abusive towards me when i was younger and they were physically and verbally abusive towards each other while I was growing up in their house hold, i don't blame it on this, i was just foolish). I can never be this way again, I know that for a fact. so please don't say i'm not ready for another relationship because of this. I learned, but unfortunately i learned by losing the most important thing in my life. admitting what i'm admitting to you all now is quite hard and embarrassing. everytime i think of what i've done to her, i do feel like the biggest piece of shit in the world.

[dem862]

It sounds like to need to make amends and forgive yourself. When you have suffered enough, you will free yourself. Nobody else can do this for you. Self-harm is not the answer. You are at the bottom of a deep pit, are you going to keep digging or are you ready to start climbing?

[Pathetic]

It sounds like to need to make amends and forgive yourself. When you have suffered enough, you will free yourself. Nobody else can do this for you. Self-harm is not the answer. You are at the bottom of a deep pit, are you going to keep digging or are you ready to start climbing?

Thank you. Now when you say i need to make amends, do you mean i need to make it right to her? if so, how should I go about doing so? as god is my witness, i cannot make those same mistakes again, i really lost the most perfect thing in this world because of those mistakes, there is no way i can ever do those mistakes again. i truly love this woman so much. losing her was the most devastating thing to ever happen to me, and i would do whatever it takes to get her back. with all this, i just hope she knows how much she truly means to me. for all i know she probably thinks i never cared about her or that she never meant much to me, but this is not true, she's still my everything.

[dem862]

I doubt you can make it right with her. But you could donate your time or your money to a shelter that helps battered women until you feel you have atoned for the biggest mistake you have ever made in your life. So how much time and/or money would that be. Why don't your start donating your weed money every month and see how long it takes you to feel you have done enough.

[Boisdevie]

Sometimes when you've done bad stuff it's too late to make amends. I used to drink way waaaaay too much and because of this I ****ed up and was not a nice person. It ruined some of my relationships because I wasn't honest with the person I was with. I can't turn back the clock and change who I was yesterday. But I can try very hard to be a better person today and a better person tomorrow. Quitting weed must be the first step and I"m not being judgemental about weed - at one stage I was drinking a bottle of whisky a day so I'm the last one to criticise another. But I was using alcohol to avoid dealing with stuff and perhaps your use of weed is similar. One day you have to deal with stuff. The sooner you do the easier it will be.

[HeartIsAching]

Get help.

Stop justifying and minimizing your abuse. It's not acceptable. With counseling, you can learn better ways. Believe me, I've been there.

If she hasn't filed divorce papers, do you think she's holding out for something? Perhaps if you're in contact with her at all, she's waiting for you to get help. Might be worth a try.

[Pathetic]

Get help.

Stop justifying and minimizing your abuse. It's not acceptable. With counseling, you can learn better ways. Believe me, I've been there.

If she hasn't filed divorce papers, do you think she's holding out for something? Perhaps if you're in contact with her at all, she's waiting for you to get help. Might be worth a try.

i'm really not trying to justify my bad actions in the past. i see how it may come out that way, but im really not trying to do that, because actions like that are unacceptable and not justifiable. at the time i was being the way i was, i did try to justify it to her. i don't know why i haven't heard anything about a divorce or havent seen divorce papers, you guys tell me... please. also, help? what sort of help should i seek? like i said, i can never do what i did again.

[Pathetic]

\you could donate your time or your money to a shelter that helps battered women until you feel you have atoned for the biggest mistake you have ever made in your life. So how much time and/or money would that be. Why don't your start donating your weed money every month and see how long it takes you to feel you have done enough.

do u have a link which can direct me to where i can help? mind you, i have forgiven myself because i can never do it again. i just can't. infact everytime i encounter a man talking/treating a woman/child/animal in a wrong way i absolutely despise it, it disgusts me. a part of me is also cold towards my parents for exposing me to what i have seen with them towards each other and towards me. i still love them of course, but i cannot forget what they've done.

[Pathetic]

i forgot to add that she used to pinch me so hard with her nails deep in my skin. she would pinch me with all five fingers (as if it we're a dog's mouth) it would aggravate me so much. it really hurt, and i did feel violated. this was before i even laid a hand on her. maybe i shoved her in the past before she started doing that, i can't remember, but im sure i never hit her before she started doing that, i remember one time she pinched me so hard i reacted physically because here pinches we're so aggravating, and that might've been the reason i started doing what i did. i know i still shouldn't have, but i was stupid. once i acted physically, weeks or days after that she would start hitting me too with all her might, and this would be during fights where i have done nothing physically... at times i felt as if she was testing me, to see if i would react physically. maybe im painting you guys a picture as to why we demised, but all i know now is i can never be that person again and that i sincerely and genuinely love this woman so much. we've been through a lot. we've learned a lot.

[HeartIsAching]

i'm really not trying to justify my bad actions in the past. i see how it may come out that way, but im really not trying to do that, because actions like that are unacceptable and not justifiable. at the time i was being the way i was, i did try to justify it to her. i don't know why i haven't heard anything about a divorce or havent seen divorce papers, you guys tell me... please. also, help? what sort of help should i seek? like i said, i can never do what i did again.

Look for domestic violence counseling. I went to mine under the Duluth Model, it worked wonders for me.

[HeartIsAching]

i have forgiven myself because i can never do it again. i just can't.

Don't believe this. It's a common trap.

[url]http://www.theduluthmodel.org/[/url]

[Pathetic]

Don't believe this. It's a common trap.

[url]http://www.theduluthmodel.org/[/url]

after she left, i've been in situations that would have triggered me like in the past, but i just let them roll of my shoulders. I can't do this again. i would kill myself first before letting it happen again. trust me. i would

and thanks for the link btw