Wife does not seem to care about me

[whatamess]

Hello. I dont have anyone i can talk to so thank you for replying to this. I will try to make this short. My wife has guy friends. recently it is now one of my friends. We are not close friends but have hung out a couple times. She was going to go to the mall with him. she said she would be home at 10pm that night but i said just try to make it home by 12am. I new she might smoke weed while she was with him something she has started doing. Well she never made it to the mall. she got high and drunk and at 12 am was to waisted to drive. So she spent the night. he lives about a hour away and i am taking care of are 3 year old and had to work the next day. She came home at 6am and called into work took the kid to baby sitters cause she needed to rest. I said i would be home at lunch. she texted me 10 min before i got home for lunch to say she went back to the same guys place she just spent the night at because he called into work. I got mad and accussed her of cheating on me which she got mad and said no he is just a friend and she did not want to waist her day off at home by herself and want to enjoy the day. well i got off work at 5pm picked up my kid went home and she still was not home. she did not come home till 9pm. i asked her why and she said i made her mad and she did not want to come home because she was mad i said she was cheating on me. Her hole thing is she works full time and goes to school and when she has some free time she wants to have fun and party. She was never like this while we dated or for the 9 years we have been married. She likes hanging out with guys because she says there is less drama. Am i nuts or does she not care about my feelings?

[pandapete]

she might not be cheating but i understand where you are coming from. you do have the right to be angry, best thing is to sit down and talk to her about it. about why the sudden change. is she bored with her relation ship with you? you guys are married so you shouldnt be afraid of asking her anything.

[houseofglass11]

Wow. She got drunk and spent the night at the guys place? You should have never ever agreed to let her hang out with any man that isn't a family member of hers. I can't believe what I'm reading here man. It sounds very much like she is cheating on you and taking you for a sucker.

[whatamess]

I want to believe she is not cheating on me. I have a 3 year old kid and thats the reason i am still in this marrage. I will keep you all posted on what happens. She is going out by him this week end to see family and I bet she goes over and sees him. I just want to make sure I am not making a mistake leaving her and messing up my kids life. I feel like a sucker for sure though.

[Wakeup]

She has a 3 year old and her priority is to smoke weed and screw around with another man (whether it's sexual screwing around or otherwise) how fking pathetic. You may want to use your daughter as an excuse when you tell her that hanging with guys and smoking weed and NEGLECTING your daughter is disgusting. You wouldn't be lying to her either. Be prepared to seek custody if you can't get back on track. I'd not want her looking after my kid full time.

[zaccarus]

Leave her man and take your kid with you. You both deserve better than a mum/wife who still thinks that she is a teenager with no responsibilities. It is hard to be a single dad (I did it for 4 years) but it is better than the negativity that will come if you stay together. Good luck with your decisions!

[TeeJay19]

Yeah, her behaviour is definitely irresponsible and you have every right to be upset. However, I wouldn't just up and leave her before you try and work things out. You have a kid together, it sounds like she's been a good wife for the majority of the marriage and you don't know for sure whether she's cheating on you for sure (although her behaviour is rather suspicious).

I agree with Wakeup, you need to let her know this bahviour is harmful to her daughter and she needs to get her act together. There's nothing wrong with going out and having a good time every now and then. A little alcohol (and even weed) in moderation is fine. Just because you're parents doesn't mean you can have fun anymore. But when you party so hard you have to call in sick to work and don't even feel able to take care of her own daughter then she's probably taking things too far. Plus, she seems to be saddling you with a lot of the parenting while she's out partying, and that's just not fair.

[whatamess]

Well i went through her dirty clothes yesterday to see if she was wearing anything sexy out that she would not normaly wear. Well today i checked again and noticed she did not wear any panties with her dress yesterday when she went back over to see him. I texted her to ask what was up with that. I acuused her of cheating. this is her reply. "i am sick of drama, w/u,work,friends,everywhere. I just don't wanna entertain the drama anymore and i am just trying to take care of myself and stay in a upbeat mood. I'm sick of everyone having personal issues. I have my own busy schedule i dont need extra shit to worry or b upset about. Stop assuming and accussing. Really? U go thru my ****ing dirty laundry?wth. No i couldn't cuz after trying 3 different kind on u could c them all. I also diidn't wear any today, not that it's any of ur business or indicitive of me ****ing anyone today behind ur back."

How do i respond to that. Shouldn't she be worried about how i feel. We would not have drama if she would just act like a normal person in her position. Please help

[whatamess]

Is it me am i wrong.

[Boisdevie]

Is it me am i wrong.

No. And if she communicates with you like that it seems pretty clear she has no respect for you. I think your marriage is over. Now is the time to think about how you end the marriage which gives the best outcome to you and your child. Or marriage counselling but you need to resolve this situation right now.

[whatamess]

We are going to marriage counselling in 2 weeks for the first time. I feel like she does not respect me or care about me but i have been so good to her i dont understand it. I never thought i would get a devorce but I cant just keep going back and giving in it just seems to get worse. I want to thank you all for the replies it really helps to talk. I dont have anyone i can talk to about this and have been really depressed about it. I just dont want to do something that cant be undone. I am scared to take that final step into devorce.

[VincenzoG91]

You're still in love with a memory of who she was. You need to face the reality of who she has become. I hope that counseling works out for the two of you, but it sounds like it might be too late. You might want to meet with an attorney soon to map out strategy in case the counseling doesn't work. It probably won't work, because her recent behavior indicates that she is being selfish and stupid.

[Esther52]

Thanks for your post.

[whatamess]

Well Thur. Me and the wife had a big talk. I told her i would go to counsoling but if she keeps seeing her guy friend before we go in 2 weeks i or her has to move out because it is to much for me to handle. She had to go over to her sisters on saterday and her friend that is a boy lives close by. She got mad said a bunch of mean things like i hate you and said she would think about weather or not she would stop seeing him for a couple weeks. Then we both cried and huged and made up a decided we were going to fix this and work it out. So the next day friday she invites him over to are house thats fine. We chat eat dinner he goes home. the next day is Sat. she came down stairs kisses me and i reached down and noticed she was wearing a G-string. Mind you she has not wore them in over 3 years. I said whats up with that. she said i need to do laundry its all i have. I asked her are you going to see your friend. her reply is no i seen him yesterday. OK this is where i came to grips that my marrage is over. She was out all day but then i got a text that asked what time i wanted her home. I knew she was with him and she said she was he was just so close and she just wanted to stop by and smake a joint. She sends me a picture of her with a sad face like please let me. I noticed she had no bra on under her shirt but she left with one. She said it was hurting her back and she wore her hoody all day so it did not matter. So she comes home i am trying to be nice i make some food while she is on her way home. she gets in and thanks me for the food. said she did not eat all day. i said your sister did not feed you and she said yes but it was weird stuff. i said what was it she dont remember. I then notice the hole in her pants thats on her thigh was like riped open. I asked what happened she said i was picking at it. I said really it looks like it got pulled apart. she said she went pee and when she put her pants back on she step on the hole making it bigger. I said you take your pants off to pee. thats when she tried to explain how the toilet was messed up and she did not want to get her pants dirty but she got mad and defencive. Ok so thats some messed up stuff for anyone to hear and i think anyone woould have seen right through it. Well she tells me that my friend her friend came out today and said he was gay. I was taken aback by this but it could be true. he has had girlfriends in the past but not for awhile. So i kinda focus on that. I texted him because i thought my wife was just messing with me. all he said was so your wife tell you everything. good to know who i can trust. OK so sun. I get out of bed in the morning somethings not sitting right with me so i look in her underwear draw and guess what she has normal under wear in there!!!!!! That is what it took for me to finally pull my head out of my butt. Today i spent most of it by myself being mad and angry yelling and swearing. It felt good to get that out. She still might not have cheated on me. He might be gay but if she will lie to me about underwear she will lie to me about anything. I GOT IT NOW

[Boisdevie]

So now you work out the best exit strategy. How to organise things in such a way that you and your child are OK.