Why does the ex hang around?

[CAM]

I had a one year (plus a few months) relationship with my "too young for me" gf. Then, several weeks ago, she ended the relationship. It ended amicably. She works in the same company but in a different building. In hindsight, during the last 4-5 months of our relationship, there was a steady decline in contact between us. Now, that things are over, however, she is around me and my office as often as she had been at the start of our relationship over a year ago. Note, we do not see each other socially in any way and we don't talk socially or casually or anything like that.

So, my question: is she keeping an eye on me, even though I'm showing no signs of renewed interest? If so, why is she doing this? The more I remain stone-faced, the more she seems to be around. Also, as a woman, can she "sense" that I've already started dating other women?

[vashti]

Maybe she is just worried that you aren't "mad" at her. Women hate to be unpopular.

[IndiReloaded]

Cam. You can't save the world, one messed up femme at a time. Either way, her looking for attention or you over thinking it = Let it go.

Ha, this post made me this

[CAM]

I've let it go. It is awkward to have let it go and then to have to continue to see the person. And, it isn't by choice...she is in my face eight hours a week. I've never had to deal with that--all the ex-gfs just went away. In meetings, she's the one who laughs at my jokes or comments on my presentations.

[IndiReloaded]

Awkward, yes. You are just going to have to suck it up until she loses all interest. Prices paid and all that. Sorry, C. :-(

[CAM]

Yep...hopefully that won't last the whole 2 years that she will be in close proximity (due to a contract project that our offices have to complete).

Now, I'm seeing two women--one is European and the other is Japanese. Actually, it is nice to just not get all tangled up right away in an intense relationship--just enjoy each woman's companionship. I took the European woman to a play. This weekend, the Japanese woman and I will go to a street festival and walk and talk, enjoy a summer day. They are both normal, both have professional degrees, and both have their own lives, which is such a relief.

So, yes...I "let it go" with the ex. No worries there Moving on (in whatever way) has been helpful. But at work...yep...just suck it up, as you said.

[Me Leigh]

This is why office romances can backfire. You know, people get attached once you have sex and spend a lot of time together. Just because you have broen up, you were still close at one stage. Girls especially tend to get attached after you have sex with them.

This girl went from having sex with you and being intimate with you, to not being with you at all. She might laugh at your jokes and seam a bit too in your face, because it feels strange to totally disengage after you were sexual.

She is either not over you and hopes you will want to get back together, wants to keep things civil and friendly ( a little too friendly for your liking), andor/ she was once attached and feels strange just being cold towards one another.

Either way, it would pay for you to be nice to her, and at least emphathetic to her needs.. she obviously needs to keep things friendly between you. You like her enough as a person, right? it might feel plain hurtful to her - to have been close to you, and then totally not talking at all.

[misombra]

She senses that you're no longer interested but she wants you to be. She wants you to cry and chase her around. She's watched too many romance movies.

She'll move on eventually.

Anyway, two girlfriends now huh? You go cam!

[CAM]

She senses that you're no longer interested but she wants you to be. She wants you to cry and chase her around. She's watched too many romance movies.

She'll move on eventually.

Anyway, two girlfriends now huh? You go cam!

Yesterday, she wanted to meet today and I told her I couldn't meet until next week. She didn't respond and she didn't show up for work today.

Yeah, 2 gfs...competition is good for business.

[JosephineJ]

Like men, women want what we can't have. The more attractive you are to her because you are showing no signs of interest. I like to call these women, emotionally immature. I feel if a guy clearly indicates that he is not interested, then move on. Some girls just struggle.

When I was younger I was with a guy for about a year. I was the one that ended that relationship. I continued to see him after that though although he clearly showed me no signs of re-interest. I did this because I still had feelings for him. I wanted him to notice me but that didn't mean that I wanted to get back with him. I guess I just continued to see him "to get over him." Once I was over him, that all stopped.
A woman can not sense if you are dating other people. If you are in another relationship, the possibility she could have a suspicion but that doesn't mean it is correct. We are not psychic. She will only know if you tell her. I hope that helps.

[HeartIsAching]

She senses that you're no longer interested but she wants you to be. She wants you to cry and chase her around. She's watched too many romance movies.

This right here. You said "Ok." and moved on... and that wasn't the reaction she expected. Now she's confused.

I wouldn't be entirely certain that she'll move on... sometimes these turn into stalkers. Usually not, but you never know.

And yes, this is why you don't shit where you eat.

[CAM]

This right here. You said "Ok." and moved on... and that wasn't the reaction she expected. Now she's confused.

I wouldn't be entirely certain that she'll move on... sometimes these turn into stalkers. Usually not, but you never know.

And yes, this is why you don't shit where you eat.

Actually, she didn't work in my building until after we broke up. She worked in a different part of the company--a long ways away. She only moved closer when we broke up...why, I cannot understand.

[IndiReloaded]

You understand just fine. You don't want to believe it, but its entirely consistent behaviour. You broke the Rule, C and you'll be scooping poop for a while I think. Hope you like cats. ;-)

[misombra]

she likes you. she may even love you. you didn't do anything bad to her. that's hard to find. and sometimes a girl is too young and not ready for such a nice guy. i don't think you should treat her like a stalker. you can be nice to her. but not too nice. a little nice.

[misombra]

also... you weren't 100% sure about her either. at least she was honest and mature enough to break it off when it wasn't working.