Left all alone in time of need. Now what?

[Estranged]

I never thought I'd come to a love forum to talk about personal stuff, but here I am.
I turned 21 recently and I know this is gonna be long and childish, but many things "hit me" all of a sudden, and now, I am pretty lost and confused, thus, I cannot really see things clearly and I really need an objective opinion.
I've been dating my (now ex, I guess) boyfriend for a year and something. It's not much, but it was an amazing relationship.
We live in different towns. They're not really distanced, but still, we couldn't afford seeing each other that often. I cannot deny that he was amazing, patient, caring and all that, but things changed over the past few months. He turned cold, and he says that I've made him that way. Why? Because I read some conversations that I probably shouldn't have.
For the record, my bf's previous girlfriend cheated on him and left him for his best friend. Painful, I know.
Now, this first conversation was of him and this girl who is one of his "best friend's" ex girlfriends. All the time he's been hiding our relationship from her, making up lies that he was with his friends, when in fact, he was with me. We ever went on a holiday together at the time.
I read how he was telling her he liked her and stuff, but somehow, the girl managed to find out about us and then as an explanation to her, I read this: "Sorry for not telling you I had a girlfriend, I didn't want to hurt you and didn't know how to tell you, it all happened so fast." I must admit that he told her he loved me, but it hurt me because I could never imagine myself having those talks with other guys and I'd never hide my relationship status (not talking about social networks ofc.) When I asked him why was he doing that, his explanation was: "I just wanted to take revenge on my ex-best friend by making him feel miserable like I did."
Excuse me, but how? By taking the leftover of an ex that his "friend" doesn't even care about anymore? Impressive.
They have not met or something, but it leaves the question: How far he'd have gone if I hadn't found out? And why would one risk his relationship by doing something that leads to a dead end? I know men pride when it comes to love and I know that revenge is sweet. But not in that way...
And of course, every couple argues from time to time, and so did we. Two months after that argument, we argued again about stupid couple stuff and he got nervous to the point where he had to, again, find another girl on the freaking internet to "heal his wounds with" (read: as he later said "just to make me jealous.")
Once again, I asked why did he do that, and this time I got: "I don't want to explain myself, think whatever you want" but when things calmed down he said that he did it on purpose and purposely led me into reading it, just so I get hurt and stop asking him to fulfill my needs.
My "needs" were so huge! I just wanted him to at least be a bit warmer towards me and to at least text me once per day so that I know he's okay, because at the time he had a motorcycle accident and accidents at work, so I was just being worried. I'm not one of those girls who'd constantly call and text him. In fact, I don't even remember calling more than 5 times during the entire relationship. I just used to text him like 2-3 times per day (good morning, how's your day and good night) and that was all. I wanted him to have some freedom and not feel obliged to constantly check his phone and stress out over missed calls. Now I see that I must've made a huge mistake.
But he got it all wrong, I don't know why. He just stopped replying, making up excuses like "I was at *random place*, I couldn't text/I don't have any money left." etc. But I knew it wasn't that. He just turned colder because I, being an impulsive person that got hurt, used to often bring his "mistakes" up and he didn't like it. He was always like "You're bringing up my mistakes only. Look at yourself first...Do something for me, so that I return the favor."
Of course, I don't mind him talking to other girls, but knowing him, I know that he must have given them a reason or a green light so that they'd start hitting on him. He even later admitted meeting some of them but said he didn't tell me because he was afraid that I would react badly to it. All those things put together made me stop trusting him.
I know he hasn't cheated, eventhough he thinks that in my head I've had scenarios of him cheating. Too bad I couldn't convince him it wasn't true.
He gets easily offended, so me saying "Shut up" and "Don't touch me" while being angry, hurt him to the bone and resulted with him getting colder.
I know I've hurt him too. Only if I had known him better in the beginning...I would've never said those...but unfortunately, I'm not the good fairy.

[Estranged]

Now, paragraph two. He was going through a tough time, financially struggling. Two months ago, he, all of a sudden told me that soon he'll be leaving overseas to work and earn some money. Of course, I wasn't overwhelmed with happiness, so I decided to help him as much as I could so that he could stay.
I never let him pay for anything so that he could save up, we launched sites with Google ads, I even spent hundreds gambling, hoping to earn some big money etc. I was ready to pay and do everything in my power to help, just to stay with him. I'm not really financially stable either, I am a student living with a single mom. But when it came to him, I was ready to lose everything. And I did. We got no results in the end. I was desperate. He is the only person I have and love in this world, so I constantly begged him not to go, to which again, he reacted badly, saying why would he stay if I don't trust him and that I never wanted to support his decision. I know I took it too far and was boring, but seeing myself as the bad character in this story, followed by him being cold hearted towards me was killing me. Let me as well mention that the trip itself costed more than $2000 which for my country's standards is pretty much, and as a broke person, I find it hard to believe that someone as broke as me could afford it. But okay, it's loan money, he'll work to pay them back and hopefully earn something for himself.
I'm not a materialist at all, I've had a rough life and been taught to appreciate other things in it.
On top of that, I have other stuff I am currently dealing with, I am literally broke, I failed most of my exams, my mom is having vaginal bleeding and we yet don't know what it is. She's the only relative I have here, and thinking of the worst is killing me enough, and on top of THAT, she recently met this guy and they're planning on getting married. She's been single for 18 years, ever since my father left and now this guy somehow got her blinded. It's not about money or something, the dude isn't rich himself either, she truly loves him, but the weird part is, he doesn't want me in their lives. So I guess I'll have to start living on my own. It's just too much for me, and as a person who barely trusts people, I haven't told anyone, it just sits here, eating my soul. And it feels so bad.
I tried telling him that, so that I make him realize how much he means to me and how much I need him while I'm undergoing these changes. I didn't go into details because knowing that he's had enough worries already, I didn't want to bother him with more. But in the end, I turned out to be self-centered in his eyes, and he started telling me about how I never listened to him, I never wanted to understand his needs, about his father's tough life and how I should let it go and live with it.
Maybe he is right. Maybe I deserve all this. Maybe I should've tried harder to prove him that I support him so that he'd understand me now. But no, he deeply believes that I don't trust him at all, that I don't support him and that I only want the best for myself without seeing others' needs. And that's ripping me apart.
After an argument about that, he "broke up" by changing his relationship status to "single" on FB without even telling me we're over. I felt miserable tbh, ending a relationship like that? Since when is facebook a relationship indicator? After few days, he left abroad without even saying goodbye. I know he is fine, but I haven't heard of him for like 10 days. Now, I am all alone here, not knowing what (or who) is right and what is wrong and what on earth am I supposed to do next? Call me stupid, childish, retarded, an idiot, tell me to go kill myself, jump off a bridge, anything. I am all that.

Sorry if I've made any typos and sorry for the long post, but this is the only place I can turn up to, and if anybody even had the nerves to read and understand this, thank you so much.
Any opinion and advice is welcome.