What's Going On In Her Head?!?

[zaccarus]

Me & my partner have had issues (see previous logs for full history) but we have decided to try and make a go of a future together and accept that things may not turn out the way we planned and we still may end up going our separate ways.

There is a trust thing going on between us ( I don't trust her ) but she says she wants to make it work and there is still a huge connection between us both emotionally & sexually but she flicks between being totally attentive and completely distant.

I have an issue with her privacy/secrecy and if I'm being totally honest to myself who she is messaging etc (she has sent sexually graphic messages before to other men which is how this started) and she is fully aware of this as I have told her about my concerns.

Like I said, one minute she is cold and hiding her phone after using it ( I don't know what she was doing on it ) and the next she is crying in my arms saying she loves me so much and is a fool for hurting such a good guy and potentially losing me. I've asked her what she was doing and she casually shrugs it off as 'nothing'.

Although I'm a nice guy and sensitive I don't pretend that I understand women! Are there any ladies out there who can advise me as to what may be going on in her head as this is starting to become a giant wall in me wanting to move our relationship on?


**UPDATE**

I've asked her about what's going on and she says that she feels guilty for her actions and wants 'us' to be back to normal hence why she flips between hot & cold. I've realised that I was obsessing with her phone so I asked her about it, she lied about a couple of things and really played it down so here's another question for you - is she playing me?

[KristenElaine]

My question is; why is she sending other guys pictures of herself when she should be sending them to you? As a woman, I would never send explicit pics of myself to anyone other than the person I am with. And expect the same from whoever I am with. I think you have a reason not to trust her. I use to have to ask my ex boyfriend to send me pictures of him, and when he would, it was pictures he had taken elsewhere. So I started not to trsut him because why would he have pictures of himself half naked if he wasnt sending them to me....ANYWAY, if she is hiding her phone and being sneaky....let go of her and find someone who has nothing to hide.

[JasonHJJ]

Thanks for your post.

[zaccarus]

Think I need to clear something up, it wasn't images just text. She has an issue with how she looks so I know she wouldn't do that.

I hear what you are saying about her being sneaky but am I reading into something that isn't there, ie is she just hiding her phone so I don't know if a message comes through even if it's from her mum or sister to try and stop me from worrying?

[JosephineJ]

I think this girl is confused. One minute she is attentive and the next she is distant. I was in a very similar situation. I have been hurt previously by a guy after a while I moved on and eventually got involved with someone else. I struggled to trust him and showed him signs of confusion. One minute I wanted to be with him and the next I was totally scared of commiting to him. The only reason I did this was because I was really afraid at the time and unsure of the way he felt about me. I suggest you sit down and talk to her. Obviously there is some underlying insecurity on her part. What you need to do is talk to her. Do not be demanding about it, but try to be as understanding as possible. Sometimes all we need is for our partner to do is just listen. Guys feel they need to solve our problems and all we want them to do is just listen to us and try to understand. I hope all goes well.

[Boisdevie]

You don't trust her.
She swings between being close and being distant.
This is a shit relationship so why carry on with it?

[zaccarus]

I agree it is shit but when it's good it's good and when it's bad it's bad. I think the reason we are trying to make it work is that it was good for a long time and the issues are all recent...