Help is he genuine!

[alexl25]

Hi,

I'm new here and this is my first post, it's quite a long story so I will try and sum it up the best I can. I met this guy we shall call him B and we just started off as friends and weren't supposed to get involved with each other, as he is in a relationship. We became close and the inevitable happened we developed feelings for each other, I never asked him to leave his partner for me as we didn't plan on acting on it. I was going to meet him and I had planned on telling him that I think we should stop as things were becoming complicated and I didn't want to be the other person. When I got there he told me that he had broken up with his girlfriend, and that things hadn't been working for awhile and she was also unhappy but didn't want to break up. I said I think you need time to figure out what it is you want and never said I would pursue a relationship as I know his head was in a mess, but I said I would be his friend. We talked after for a few weeks and then B said that his head was in a total mess and was going to try and make things work with his girlfriend he said its been two years it deserve some effort. I said that this was fine but I said to continue to see me when he has feelings for me would only complicate the matter.

We didn't see each other or communicate for a about a month, until he calls me saying what a mistake it was and what a total idiot he has been in going back into his relationship, and that nothing has changed between them. I was very sceptical because I said you didn't give it long enough after you broke up to see how you felt. I got out of a long term relationship and I know its hard but you have to give it time. I said anyway you and her need time to figure out exactly what you are going to do. I didn't see him and he came to suprise me and told me how he loved me and that he could see a future with me, and we started to see each other again this time, and we both agreed the time period in which you would leave his partner. He started to make plans with me and was going to come to my brother's weddding with me which was two weeks after the agreed time scale to leave his partner and it was going to be our first event together as a proper couple.

I got worried and scared about two weeks before we had agreed to do it, and I did something terrible. I contacted his partner and told her everything and everything he had confided in me about their relationship, I also know that before he and I had met, he had met with other women one of which had also contacted his partner, all of these details I included in the email. Well he was very hurt by my actions and said that it proved that I didn't trust him and how could I have done something so hurtful, his mother lives with them as it is her house and she also got draggged into the situation. B said you have been so stupid that you couldn't wait two weeks and it hurts me when all I did was try and show you love. We argued and then he almost had a change of heart and told me a week after that he still loved me, and sent me my birthday present which he had already before everything had gone wrong. I was angry with him as my last relationship was awful and abusive I said he just prayed on me as he thought I was a soft touch due to my past. This hurt him all the more and he and his partner are both over-weight which never bothered me but I insulted him and her about it. He contacted me all over my brothers wedding saying he missed me everyday, I wasn't interested and hooked up with someone else in what would have been our hotel room and then told him about it. He said he wanted nothing more to do with me, and that I broke his heart and hurt more than anyone else had.

I hadn't heard from him for six months and then I have a text message from him saying he thinks about me everyday and misses me, he stayed with his partner as I made him make that decision he claims because of my actions. He said he still loves me but stopped wanted to be with me because I showed him a side to me that wasn't very nice. He wants to start seeing me again but he still has his partner, which I have told him is completely disrepectful to her to try and see me again and I think to even think about me and contact me is disrespectful. I can't decide whether he is just a dirty cheat, I have told him that what he is doing to her is unforgivable and you shouldn't stay with someone out of conveinence. He says he worries that I don't love him enough and is scarred I could hurt him again. I am seeing other people which claims breaks his heart but we aren't together so why should I stop, he says he is prepared to leave his partner again but it has to be timed right as she doens't have anywhere else to live and he feels guilty and doesn't want to hurt her. I think what he is doing is worse. I really need some advice, I know it's so long but it is such a mess! Advice please......

[HeartIsAching]

No. Both of you need help. And making multiple posts on the same subject won't get you any different answers.

[alexl25]

sorry, I just thought I would post it in the male advice forum too. As I wanted a male perspective on the situation and wasn't sure if I would get it here.