He won't touch me

[Touchable]

I am living with a man for a year and a half. We are engaged but I'm not sure why. He says he loves me but he is never affectionate with me ever. Never comes up to me when I get home or gives me a kiss or a hug. Never initiates sex. The sex use to be passionate when we first met. But now it's very mechanical. I try and be patient with him because I know he has been threw a lot but a woman has needs. When I confront him he gets very defensive and the talk gets no where. I really don't want to leave him we love the same things and get along great otherwise but i just don't understand why he won't touch me. I've even asked him if he's gay. He denied it and said why would I be with you and give you a ring if I was gay? So then I ask him again, why won't you give me any affection then and he said because he doesn't like anyone forcing him to do something. That to me is a cop out answer. I see him being affectionate with the cat and the dog so I know he knows how to be affectionate. But he refusing to be affectionate with me. I'm so confusing and don't know what to do or which direction to go with this. I've tried to be affectionate toward him which comes naturally for me, I've tried wearing sexy outfits, I flirt with him, I try to be silly and playful and tickle him he just says he's not ticklish and doesn't like it. Once a month he will touch my ass for maybe a second or he might hold my hand when we walk the dog very rarely though. And when he does hold my hand there is no affection in it. No tenderness in it. It's weird, I've never experienced this before. I was married for 21 years and have been in a few 3 to 5 year relationships. I think I have a fairly good grasp on what's up with the man I'm with but this one, I just don't get.

[haxan]

He wouldn't be the first man to lose sexual interest in a wife/girlfriend or vice versa. Either he's checked out on you, or getting the intimacy elsewhere. Not good either way.

[Touchable]

So why doesn't he just say so? But he's not saying that he says he loves me and wants to get married?

[smackie9]

Don't put up with his excuses. If he won't give you viable answers and try to make things better then end it. FYI Gay men do marry women to hide their sexual orientation, because they worry about the repercussions of how their family and friends will feel about them. That's why they call it "closet gay" because they hide it by doing the things a straight man does.

There are married men out there that do meet up with other men for sex in public parks, public washrooms, and even under freeway overpasses.

[vashti]

Based on the length of your marriage and multiple long-term relationships, I am assuming you aren't young, and neither is he. He is probably struggling with impotence, and doesn't initiate affection because he is afraid you will expect it to lead to sex.

[robotchick20]

Maybe he's just not the cuddly type of guy? Maybe he's depressed and has that issue where it's hard for him to arrows sp?.. i say just sit him down and both talk calmly to each other.

[Boisdevie]

Another post along the same lines - we love each other, everything is perfect except for (insert name of problem here). Well listen, a happy sex life is a massive part of a successful relationship. So you're in big trouble here AND top make it ever better he won't talk about it so you also have communication problems. Sister, I assume you are a grown up. So grow up and realise that this relationship is going absolutely nowhere.

[bulrush]

Your poll options do not represent what might really be happening.

The sex started out good because it was a new and exciting relationship. This is called "new relationship energy". Now things have gotten to more normal, his real sex drives appears. I think he just normally has a low sex drive.

Are you overweight? That could be a very big reason he is not attracted to you. If you think all guys like overweight girls, you would be wrong. Very few guys like overweight girls.

[BBfly]

Hi. I came across your post when searching for answers and I feel like I typed this! My b/f does have hemochromatosis (just found out 2 mos ago when I made him see dr. For issue) and I'm here trying to figure out if that's why he won't hug or touch me or an excuse. Just thought i'd throw that out to you in case it is the answer. I'm typing on phone so this will be short.

[Gaylord Focker]

Based on the length of your marriage and multiple long-term relationships, I am assuming you aren't young, and neither is he. He is probably struggling with impotence, and doesn't initiate affection because he is afraid you will expect it to lead to sex.

You sound very experienced in this realm, what helped your advanced aged relationship or did it just peter out? Very interested in hearing the solution!