How to make him miss me??

[hope555]

My bf and I were dating for 7 months, but he broke up with me 2 days ago. He genuinely said he liked me a lot. But he's in grad school, and hated the feeling of always being at work and ignoring me. He hated that constant guilt of not being there for me, and always letting me down. I think what he did is a big mistake. I mean, we're both only iin grad school. We're also in the same lab. In my opinion, school work is one thing, but you don't let go of a girl you like a lot because of some rats you have to work with for 12 hours a day. I think he's being immature, and not being able to balance life and work. In my opinion, it only gets more difficult. I mean, right now, he lives a 2 min walk from the lab (so, no commute time), and a 3 min drive from me. What happens when he gets older, and finds a job where they will work him even harder, and he has to commute and take care of a family?? I feel like if he can't handle a relationship now, he will never be able to handle it. Relationships are much more important for success then his work, and I feel like he will regret his decision. Before he dated, he was always a HUGE talker, saying what an amazing bf he was, and how well he takes care of a girl. This is why I decided to date him even though we work together...but now I realize those words were just talk.

Anyway, I told him my thoughts, but still let him go because he seems like he wants his space. I think his conscience is still very guilty for breaking my heart. He will still text me at the end of the day to make sure I got home, and to wish me goodnight. If i leave our lab without saying bye to him (because he seems busy and didnt notice me leaving), he will text me and say "so i don't get goodbyes anymore?"

Anyway, I have a very soft nature, so I always reply to console him. But what should I do instead to make him realize the weight of his decision?? At work, do I try talking to him less (this is difficult for me, because I'm, usually super friendly to everyone unless they've done something VERY terrible)?? When he texts me to ask about my day and wish me goodnight, do I ignore them, or give short answers?? I don't want to seem childish or immature...but I don't want him to have the gf companionship without putting in any of the effort.

I think I don't ever really want him back because he did ignore me a lot, and I think he has a lot of growing up to do. So I'm not sad about this breakup. Just want to make him realize his mistake so he doesn't think what he did was ok.

Thanks for any advice.

[smackie9]

Oh good lord, seriously? You NEED him to realize his mistake? Childish? yes it's too late you are already there. It's really none of your business what he thinks. It's obvious, from what you have described, that he just simply lost interest in you and your relationship. All the rest are excuses to pacify you, to let you down easy. It's not a sin to break up with someone nor is it against the law, so he shouldn't have to pay for what he did. So you are a bit bitter about it, oh well no one likes the shitty end of the breakup stick, but that's just life. The "mature" thing you can do is just to do "no contact" , forget about him and carry on with your life.

[caligirl23]

Ohhh, dear. Ok. I have been in this situation and actually had to seek therapy for poor relationship decisions. One was obsessing over what I could do to make my boyfriend realize he messed up and what I could do to MAKE him miss me and make him realize he was missing out, etc. And here is what I was told "You do nothing" and I scrunched up my face at my therapist and said "nothing?? how is that good? what if he forgets about me?" and she said "If a man truly cares for you, he will not forget about you". She went on to tell me about how men have a switch. It is either on or it is off and if that switch is off, you could be the most amazing person and the most beautiful woman and it won't even matter. So, you see...there is NOTHING you can do. It is entirely out of your hands. You cannot make someone realize a mistake. It is something he has to do on his own. I think he is definitely immature. he doesn't know what he wants, but wants to contact you here and there probably out of guilt, but also because, well...he is back and forth. So, here is what you do...you IGNORE him. Do not answer his texts. You owe him nothing! Say hello at work and leave it at that. You do not need to say goodnight to him. He made a decision to cut you out of his life, so let him get what he asked for.