Need advice, is a break-up imminent?

[tnat21]

Really hoping this helps, here's the deal: I have been dating this girl that I met online for almost two months now. Things were going great, already have committed to a relationship, met some of each other's friends, even already met each other's parents and planned some things for down the road. And she has been the initiator of a whole lot of this. All until just very recently. One big problem is, I haven't been smart enough to realize it and enjoy it. This is the first relationship for me in a very long time, and the main reason for that is I have social anxiety disorder, and have been seeing a social woker for about 5 months now. It has effected my entire life for a very long time, and is the biggest reason I'm still single at 32, and recently decided to do something about it. I had been making great strides, and got the courage to get online, and then met this girl and it just hit off great with her immediately. However once this started, my anxiety went through the roof, and I have been driving myself crazy with worry when not around her, not even letting myself really enjoy this as great as it all has been going. I think I've even let it effect my performance with sex recently, as it was fantastic initially, but over the past week or so I have not been performing well at all, and I think my anxiety has to be the reason. I have not told her about my therapy yet because I wasn't sure if it were still too soon or not, I definitely will, I've just been struggling with what the right time is, and don't want to scare her off.

Then came last night, we were supposed to go to a party at the country club I am a member of following our annual big golf tournament where all the members can bring their wives and significant others. I talked this up for a while, but as it drew closer, panicked myself so much over it that I made myself completely miserable the last few weeks. A couple hours before we were supposed to go last night, I backed out of it and suggested we just go out her and I instead and do something else (biggest reason being is that I am the youngest member of a group full of "ball-busters" for friends who would all be drunk with one young attractive girl there that the "pin-cushion" brought there, I was really worried about how that would go).

Once I got to her place, she was asleep! She said she hadn't slept in days because of an issue with nighmares that she routinely gets, and the nightmares are so personal to her that she has never told a sole about what they are. She seemed really disinterested, quiet, unresponsive and not herself. She then told me she had met another guy for lunch earlier that day, a friend and co-worker that was back from an overseas deployment, the guy is married turns out. They had lunch and the guy offered to take her on a motorcycle ride afterwards (gee, what's the motive there??). She declined that, but I still really didn't like hearing any of that. She had also not wanted to talk the night before because of a horrible day at work and just wanted to go to bed. I was worried about what was going on, and asked her to talk to me. I was wondering what was going on and if it was something about me or us possibly. She asked why and I said between the nightmares and not sleeping recently, her being so "blah" the last few days, then this meeting w/ another guy for lunch, it all just seemed like something may be wrong. She then got pissed over me making that comment about lunch w/ her friend saying, "I had no problem w/ you until what you just said just now." I tried for a while to smooth things over getting nowhere after that. It then also snowballed to her questioning if we have been moving too fast, to saying that I don't know anything about her, then even turning her head when I tried to give her a kiss. At one point she said that right now, she's feeling like pushing me away. After a while, she thought I should go home b/c we were getting nowhere, and talking more last night wouldn't have done anygood. I asked if I'd talk to her today and she said yes, that I still have a key to her home, and that she still wants to here from me and that I'm doing okay.

My question is whether this is a fixable problem, or if some of what she was saying last night may mean that we are doomed and that a breakup is inevitable or not. If not, what do I do or say to fix this. And also, when do I explain my anxitey problem? I would really appreciate any help.

[smackie9]

You are over thinking things and it will kill your relationship if you don't stop it. Just take things as they come instead of creating unnecessary turmoil. How about just backing off a bit and let her have her space for awhile. Just tell her she's right things are moving too fast and you will give her time to herself....and when she is ready, you can have a nice talk about things later....no pressure.

[tnat21]

I think you are right, and that sounds like the way to go. I just really hope it's not already too late. Thanks.

[Prime39]

Definitely agree! Back off, tell her she's right. Let's slow down! Make your self less available to her. I've had the anxiety problems too. I know how you feel, it's horrible. But just do your best, stay positive. It took me 4 years to tell my girlfriend about my anxiety, because I was embarrassed by it. But once I told her she was very understanding. But if I could do it over, I wouldn't have made it such a dramatic confession. If you bring it up, do it in a subtle in control kind of way. Say I got this problem with anxiety, but I'm working on it and it's going to get better over time. Just be cool about it. And don't be ashamed about it like I was. It affects most people at some point in their lives.

[tnat21]

I really appreciate the feedback. I took the advice of both of you, she called me last night and we chatted for a few then I did just what you guys suggested. I told her that she's right that we've been moving too fast and to take all the time she needs and let me know when she wants to talk about everything from the other night. She agreed, and says that she still wants to talk to me in the meantime and that I can still call her whenever I want, so we'll see what happens next. Appreciate the help.

[tnat21]

Update, well really more like not. We haven't talked at all since that convo Sunday night in the post right above. Even though she said she wanted to talk and that I could call her whenever I wanted, I haven't. Not sure if I've wanted to have those akward elephant in the room talks on the phone or not while we still haven't addressed all this. I also haven't heard one thing from her either. I did go ahead and text her last night, just basically saying hi and hope you're doing okay. She replied that she was, and was happy to hear from me, but nothing else. I'm doing fine, but I'm just wondering if I should go ahead and call like she asked in the meantime, or just keep waiting it out on her to address these issues.

[smackie9]

Just give her space and let her call you.