What's this guy's deal? Why did he lose interest right away?

[greentea11]

Possibly it was the tone of your response that seemed put off-ish. "that looks good. probably better than his last movie."

He may would have responded better to: "Oh Adam Sandler is so funny! I would totally be into seeing that with you....Saturday is good for me or what night is better for you?" <3

Yeah, well he said something like that about the music I liked, which seemed kinda rude to me. I wasn't asking him if he liked it. So I don't think I was being rude because he never said Adam Sandler was his favorite. Everyone is hard on Adam Sandler these days, I was basically saying what I've heard everyone else say. But anyways, if we do talk again I'll try to keep the conversation going long enough to ask him out, that is if he responds to my texts.

[smackie9]

Look if you want a guy to be interested in you have to butter him up a bit. You have to be up beat and positive in your responses. With shy or uncertain guys you have to make the suggestions on when and what is going to happen. You have to puff up their ego a bit too. If you don't want to make that effort or feel you shouldn't have to, then write him off.

[greentea11]

Look if you want a guy to be interested in you have to butter him up a bit. You have to be up beat and positive in your responses. With shy or uncertain guys you have to make the suggestions on when and what is going to happen. You have to puff up their ego a bit too. If you don't want to make that effort or feel you shouldn't have to, then write him off.

Yeah that doesn't sound very promising. I'm too old for that, been there before. If a guy has to be convinced that he should like me, there is probably a lack of interest. Life is too short for games. I'm the type of person who knows what they want, that's one reason I don't date a lot. So if he's not sure he wants to get to know me then we have a problem because I was sure I wanted to get to know him. I'd rather just go on living and if I meet someone who knows what they want then that's great. In person he seemed very interested and he was shy but not shy enough to ask me to hang out or say things that hinted he was interested. So I'm not sure why he has no interest in talking to me and through text! I'm not even trying to call him. If he can't talk through text, that says a lot.

Thanks for the advice.

[vashti]

I don't think you did anything "wrong". He just sounds a bit socially retarded, and to be honest, I think you would have liked him a lot more had he worked up the balls to ask YOU out, rather than the reverse.

Just forget about him, at least until he is ready to man up.

[smackie9]

Yeah that doesn't sound very promising. I'm too old for that, been there before. If a guy has to be convinced that he should like me, there is probably a lack of interest. Life is too short for games. I'm the type of person who knows what they want, that's one reason I don't date a lot. So if he's not sure he wants to get to know me then we have a problem because I was sure I wanted to get to know him. I'd rather just go on living and if I meet someone who knows what they want then that's great. In person he seemed very interested and he was shy but not shy enough to ask me to hang out or say things that hinted he was interested. So I'm not sure why he has no interest in talking to me and through text! I'm not even trying to call him. If he can't talk through text, that says a lot.

Thanks for the advice.

I don't think it's a matter of can't text, it a matter of not being able to "communicate" properly. That is a red flag.


I don't think you did anything wrong either, just giving you strategy ideas on how to deal with situation like this if you decide to take it further into your own hands, but if you feel this is too much work, then there you have it, you already come to the conclusion that this guy is a dud even before you came here. This guy has been disappointing, then why worry about his issues. Analyzing stuff like this is futile really. For me I go by: If it doesn't feel right, then it's not. Drop it and move on....their loss.

[greentea11]

Well, things have actually done a 180. I texted him sunday and again he dropped the conversation into the third text. So monday I was frustrated and my sister said to just ask him out and see what happens. So I texted him and he replied two hours later and said he was at an amusement park. I think he was with his family. Well, we talked for about ten minutes and he was really talkative and flirty. The conversation went really well and he wanted to go with me to the movies saturday. He said he would text me when he finds out what time he works saturday. So hopefully he texts me today being that it's friday already. If he texts me tomorrow, that's kinda bad. But now you see what I mean? He's so confusing!

[RdHrshyKss]

is it just me, or have other girls encountered oddness like this from guys who work in the restaurant business? back when i was single, i was talking to a guy for a few weeks. he happened to be a waitor also and i felt like he was extremely flaky at some points but really flirty/talkative in others. he had to reschedule a date with me twice because of his work schedule. is working in the food business that hectic and crazy? or are these guys just playing games?

[smackie9]

Being flirty is part of the job, just like for bartenders etc. Better tips, repeat business, that's what it's all about. It's pretty much an act...performing.

[warriormaiden]

Being flirty is part of the job, just like for bartenders etc. Better tips, repeat business, that's what it's all about. It's pretty much an act...performing.

I wonder if thats what OP has.

[greentea11]

I know what you mean about waiters being flirty, some of them try a little too hard. I hate it when the good looking guys who are waiters get too close for comfort because they assume everyone thinks they are hot. I think with this guy that I'm having the problem with he wasn't trying to get tips, he wanted to hang out with me. My sister said she saw him since all of this has happened and she said he was quiet and wasn't flirty. So I think he was interested but now I don't know. We had a great conversation on the phone monday and he really was flirty and wanted to hang out. He said he would let me know when he was going to work saturday so we would know what time to go see the movie. My sister was all happy for me and said "see all you had to do was ask him." and I said "Yeah, well we'll see if he even texts me later." I had a feeling he would blow me off again and he did. That is just plain rude. I don't know what his problem is really. When we were talking I did find out he is about 5 years younger than me and that bothered me. I thought he was older. I asked him "how old did you think I was?" because he asked me that too and I said I thought he was maybe a couple years younger than me. He could tell it bothered me when I found out he was younger, I kinda muttered "oh no" and he said what's wrong with that? I didn't tell him I wished he was older but I did say "You probably thought I was your age" and he said "Well, it's okay". He really seemed fine with it, more than me actually. Then he wanted to know if I really wanted to hang out as if he forgot I had asked him. So I don't get what happened. He even teased me and said "So you like the younger guys huh?" and I said "I didn't know you were that young". So is he just weird and rude then? How can he go from being someone who remembers me after 6 months and acts all excited to someone who just blows me off all the time and acts like it never happened?

[Wakeup]

Why do you even bother talking to him anymore? He said he would call you and let you know what time he got off work and he didn't.. he blew you off which is disrespectful and rude. That is enough information about him that tells you that he's not interested. Just because someone flirts with you it doesn't mean they are interested in anything more than the art of flirting. His actions are telling you that he's an arrogant asshole who doesn't have the decency to call and tell you he can't make it. If he forgot to call you it tells you that he's not thinking about you in the least. That too is enough information to do the fade on him.

[greentea11]

Why do you even bother talking to him anymore? He said he would call you and let you know what time he got off work and he didn't.. he blew you off which is disrespectful and rude. That is enough information about him that tells you that he's not interested. Just because someone flirts with you it doesn't mean they are interested in anything more than the art of flirting. His actions are telling you that he's an arrogant asshole who doesn't have the decency to call and tell you he can't make it. If he forgot to call you it tells you that he's not thinking about you in the least. That too is enough information to do the fade on him.

Yeah, I agree with you. I wasn't going to talk to him anymore. I didn't even contact him asking him anything about saturday because he said he would contact me. My sister said I should ask him but I think he should do what he says he's going to do. My gut feeling was right all along. I should have listened to it. I told my mom after I gave him my number that I thought it wasn't going to work out, I just didn't see it in my mind. But she told me I was thinking negative thoughts. I knew after he broke my cd case that it wasn't going to work. He didn't properly say sorry. I thought about if I was in his situation and I liked someone and they lent something to me I would have been so careful with it and if something did happen to it I would have felt so bad and said a million sorries. Well now I know. So if he does even contact me later I'm just going to be straight with him and say "Why are you talking to me after you blew me off?" and then I'd probably say "You should move on to someone you are actually interested in enough to be polite to."

[smackie9]

If this guy is flaky enough those words will bounce off him and nothing will ever sink in....he has the type of personality where he sees nothing wrong with his behaviour. So calling him out on it is a waste of breath.....

[greentea11]

If this guy is flaky enough those words will bounce off him and nothing will ever sink in....he has the type of personality where he sees nothing wrong with his behaviour. So calling him out on it is a waste of breath.....

Yeah I know he'll probably think I'm the one with the problem, but it would feel good to say it LOL

[jetta86s]

I met a guy who works at a restaurant. It was last year and I noticed he acted like he liked me. He smiled a lot and acted shy. Once he was suppose to hand me a drink but he just stood there smiling at me and his friend who worked with him laughed and handed it to me instead. His friend always acts like he knows something too. So I had not been there for about 6 months and a couple months ago I went back. I saw him again and he seemed really happy to see me. He said he remembered me and that I had not been there in awhile. It wasn't like I was a regular who saw him a lot. But he remembered me anyway. So since then we have talked a little here and there whenever I would go there. He always acted happy to see me and said hi to me a lot, even twice in one visit.

He had learned my name from my mom but then the next time I went in he asked me what my name was again and said his name again. I told him I remembered his name and I think he could tell I was kinda sad he forgot my name. Maybe he did or maybe he was nervous or wanted to make sure he had it right. So long story short I end up giving him my number after he said we should hang out. He acted like he really wanted to hang out with me, he even said I should come by on one of his breaks. That was two weeks ago. We've only texted a few times. At first he seemed interested in his texts. He texted me that day and said he was happy I came in that day. But he always has long periods of time between answering me. I know he could be busy and I do that too. But he also just kinda drops the conversation and I don't hear from him anymore. I did not hear from him for over a week after I gave him my number so I texted him and we talked a little and then I kinda suggested seeing a movie and he asked me if I wanted to go see this one movie and I said it looked good. Then he never texted me back. The reason this is so confusing is because the way he acts in person is like he really really likes me and we did not talk enough through text for me to say something to turn him off. So what's his deal? Why does it seem like I am the only one trying to communicate? He doesnt seem like a player at all, he actually seems kinda dorky and shy. So should I just move on? Is he not interested anymore? He said he works a lot but I know that when I really like someone I make an effort. Even just a "Hey, how are you?". The people he works with all act like they know he likes me. I want to say "What did I do?" but I know I didn't do anything wrong. So is he just weird and changed his mind just like that?

I think your last option there is lay down your cards. But remember to play it right. You dont want to look dumb, right?