found my BF's convo with his ex, I'm really upset... but it was from 6 months ago...

[Alhaja]

I apologize this is long, but it is complicated. please read the whole thing... I need help.


I started seeing my current boyfriend in September, so I've been together a total of 9 months. He is from a different country, but lives here for now while he is in school. We were a little slow getting serious, but now we have a very happy, serious relationship. I think he is wonderful and smart and always treats me well and he seems very happy and proud of me... We have talked about staying together in the future and even moving together in a couple of years... Which is why I am so confused about this issue and I don't know what to do about it.

In October, we were not very serious yet, but we had agreed upon being exclusive with each other. I felt very insecure though because I felt he didn't like me as much as I liked him, and I felt sometimes like he was hiding something. One night I snooped through his facebook messages. I felt horribly guilty about it, I had never done anything like that before. But I found he had been talking to two girls from his home country, one was his ex gf who was now with someone else. both the conversations were very flirtacious, telling the girls he wanted to see them next time he came home, telling his ex she should leave her bf and date him. I was upset, but not sure what to think. He had seemed to really like me a lot, but we hadnt been seeing eachother long. I asked him about it, even though I was ashamed of what I did. He was upset that I snooped, but he apologized for those conversations and we got through it just fine. We became more serious and we were really happy. I thought it was probably just a fluke and I didn't take it too seriously, we had only been seeing each other for maybe 4 weeks.
In December, he went back to his home country for a month without me. I was a little anxious, but I wanted to trust him. He talked to me every day, and told me all about what he was doing and always said he missed me. He came home, and since then everything has been really great.

This weekend I was visiting him though, and I noticed that he had been sending messages to his ex, the same one he had been talking to before (I saw it over his shoulder). I asked if he still talked to her, and he said, no not really, and that he had just wished her a happy birthday. I really really wanted to believe him, but I felt so anxious about it, I wanted just to check and see that my fears were unfounded.
What I saw... I dont know how to feel about... He wasnt lying, he did just say happy birthday. He hadnt spoken to her before that since early January. but what I saw from January upset me. That was when he was still in his home country and they were talking about having run into each other at a get together (they were writing in another language but I know it well enough to read it just fine).

She said "I'm sorry I had to leave so early," He said, "thats fine, its alright, your BF was there anyway. I wanted to kiss you so bad though, but i knew you wouldnt like it.... you should have seen me, my heart was beating so fast after" she said "mine too.... i have to get going though." he said "okay, well, maybe next year you will be single?" she said "I dont know, anything could happen, maybe I will be single" he said "I hope so :X "
after this they never talked again that I saw....

I'm so upset. This was 6 months ago, and he hasnt spoken to her since. Our relationship has been wonderful and he has been so great to me, he even finally told me he loves me and we have even talked about moving together and he keeps telling me he wants me to go to his home country with him to meet his family. Should I just ignore this conversation? Was it probably nothing? I just feel so bad, I would never talk with any of my exes that way. What if that night her boyfriend hadn't been there, would he have cheated on me with her? A week after this conversation happened, he came back to the US and I picked him up at the airport and he was so happy to see me and so loving. He brought me back a really nice gift and even introduced me to his mom over Skype.

I want sooo badly to trust him. Besides these incidents, he has never given me any reason to doubt him. and I feel so guilty for snooping... i dont want to admit that I did it again... but I cant shake feeling insecure about this...

[Alhaja]

no one has anything to say?
I dont know if I should admit that I snooped and deal with this... or just let it go, since its been 6 months and everything has been good since then.....

[Lily_of_Isles]

Just let it go. Opening up old wounds is never a good idea. As long as you're sure this won't be a continuing issue, then there's really no point in raising tensions over it now. Never fight or argue with your loved one without good cause that is relevant to the present or future.

[sadie_genie]

There seem to be a lack of honesty from his part since he agreed to be exclusive but still passionately expressing his feeling for another girl. But maybe now that he is more "serious" with you, he has changed. But I say, still keep an eye on him. If there are more red flags (for example, if you catch him to continue conversation with that girl) then dump him.