how do i get over this?

[brokensoul1]

hi all im stephen, 27 from ireland. first post/thread and i need some advice.....

ok this is a long and somewhat complicated story ill try shorten it but have everything there.

i had a girlfriend which was on/off for 8 years and was pretty much a fiery relationship lots of ups and downs.when things where good they were really good and when things where bad they were so bad that neither of us would be welcome out with friends for nights out etc....but we were happy and had big plans for ourselves. we would spend all our spare time together and were pretty much insepearable. from the tart of the relationship there was this guy always textin her and i never liked him as i knew what he wa sup to trying to worm his way in(more on this later)

every so often we would break up for a few months and cool off befor we got back together but about two years ago we had a massive row over somethin ridicuolous and she was insisting we were never get back together so i can do what i want on my work night out....i was pretty wound up about it and got extremely drunk and ended up having a 1 night stand but got back with my ex 3 weeks later and said nothin about it. then we were gettin along better than ever she had just graduated from college and i was saving for the engagement ring she kept hinting at and we had been saving for a house too.

then last april the girl from one night stand looked me up and told me i had a 7 month daughter for her. this came as a big shock to both of us even tho she always joked it would happen to me but im not actually like that. we were trying to get through it together but she wasnt taking it well so i decided it would be best to be friends for a while. and by friends she took it that she was to ignore me, we did sort of end things in a decent enough way we werent arguing or killin each other.

but every few weeks id b texting saying i miss her etc etc but she was ignoring me, but sent me one long text about how her counsellor says im such and such but it was a load of crap. so i sent her one last textin saying ive sold all things she bought me as it was hurtin too much having them.
christmass ever just gone she turned up at our local and we have same mates except a few of them have been ignoring me since the baby incident.
she came over and was like awwww no hard feelins and was being nice for a while then some song came on and i made a joke about how it was my song for her (some soppy song) and she flipped and lost the head.

ok about that guy always texting her i actually never liked him as he was creepy always askin her pervy questions about our ex life and such. but in the last 3 years he kind of grew on me and was a mate, ha 3 years ago he actually rang me up thinkin i was out with his ex and saying i shudnt do that as we were mates but i wasnt and he realised this and apologised.

so that same guy was havin a party on new years eve and i was askin about it and he ignored me for a few hours but then i got text off my ex saying she is seeing him now. i didnt reply to her as she knew how much i hated him textin her in that way and was always there for our break ups. but i gave him a peace of my mind and told him i wouldnt waste my time beating him up and that he should be ashamed of himself as 3 years ago he said we were mates and we were even closer then. anyways i didnt take it too well and they kinda stayed outa my way and vice versa....but recently i kept bumping into her on the road but ignored her didnt wave or anything. then a good mate of mine had house party and invited them and she never ever went to any of his parties yet she decides a year of ignoring my mate too she will turn up, she tried talking to me all night and even mentioned it to my mate i have ignored her. her new bf turned up late but he stayed at the back door incase i went for him. and week after they turn up at my best mates goin away party whom neither of them like and i was out of place as i wouldnt sit at their table as i feel id be laughed at plus i wouldn't sit with them as they are hypocrits there is much more to the story of them two but its not relevant i guess.


but how do i get over this? i am now a happy dad and im trying to make best of the bad situation i got myself in. i have a good friendship with the babies mam and their family. but lately im thinkin about my ex as keep seeing her and i keep thinking of that idiot she is now with always texting her and being perverted. he used to invite me on nights out and egg me on to go home with any girl just so he could report it to herself.
i actually think she got with him just to revenge me.

any advice on what i can do? ive lost a few "friends" who sided with her instead of just leaving it between me and her. and i know im probably going to get a few replies sayin i deserve it but nobody is perfect.

sorry story is all over the place

[cast no shadow]

I don't think you "deserve" it. Having a baby from a one nighter is mainly bad luck (though easy to avoid..).
I have no idea what I would have done if I were her. It is hard even when you think it had happened while you were on a break..
Once you were getting on and off she might just looked at it as something that will too shell pass, and than to find out
that you had sex with a stranger and have a baby was to much to handle.

About the guy, I think it's pretty classic. She was heart broken and he was there.
I don't know how much it means that she wanted to hurt your feelings.

[brokensoul1]

just wanna point out that while on our breaks she was also sleeping with others it wasnt as if i was the only one.

just dont know what to do or how i can forget her, they both live pretty close so i bump into them quite often and am easily reminded of her.

[cast no shadow]

Well about the forgetting thing I can't really help. I kinda lost in this as well.
But as people say - you need to go out with friends, try to occupy yourself with things you like, ext.
Try not to go where you can see them for a while, it sure won't be any good for you.

Even though she slept with other she doesn't have a kid.. this is a big things whether you like it or not..

[robertone]

A little difficult,just ask your heart,following your feelings,do what you think right,good luck.

[brokensoul1]

thanks for replies guys. i dont think i necessarily want to get back with her. but im more annoyed about him gettin with her. although i know deep down i done alot worse.

[angelsnairwaves]

you guys dated for 8 years. it's going to take a while to get over her and it will be hard. that's only natural. you can't beat yourself up about the baby when she was out doing her own thing while you were on breaks as well. could've easily happened to her. at least she tried being with you after finding out, right? give her that much. be patient with yourself. give yourself time to go through all the emotions- to really feel them. when you allow yourself to feel all those emotions- after a while they lose their power and they don't feel so bad. eventually you become numb to them. i've been through some pretty awful stuff and know that is the only way to REALLY get past it. i honestly think it's harder getting over an on again/off again relationship cuz it's harder to believe that it's REALLY over. i wouldn't worry about the guy she is seeing. it's probably a rebound. he's not YOU and he will never be YOU. keep making the best of it and moving forward. best of luck, i am in a similar situation.

[brokensoul1]

thanks for your reply angelsnairwaves, ovr the last week or so ive gotten that numb feelin you mentioned, and had alot of thinkin time to myself and just realised its been a year and im better off away from her anyways it might have been a blessing in disguise. i still miss her but i know deep down it would never work, even as friends esp when she is with him.
i think alot of my feelings lately came about as ive been a little lonely with lack of social scene(shes connected to me through all my friends almost) and i dont want to cause any agro on nights out. and im not used to being single, but i will get used to it not sure im ready to date again anyways and i have one girl in my life that deserves all my love and attention