So sad... first breakup in a long time. I still love her!

[FirePlay20]

This is a long story, so I'll shorten it as much as possible. Note* I am 21 years old, love is important to me, and I am not a fan of being a Dad at a young age.

So I met this young woman (27 years old at the time) on craigslist for an NSA encounter. After a few nights we decided to become friends and do stuff. Little did I know, she had a 9 year old son. So I thought, "We'll see where this goes". She started liking me more and more, and eventually we went on a few dates (I agreed to them of course). I was so happy when I was with her, and she had the same feelings. We went to parks, movies, hung out at her place, went camping, slept over each others' houses, kissed, had sex, and a tons more. I even agreed to work with her at a landscaping job, because it gave us the opportunity to see each other more. I loved her so much, and felt that she loved me too. I am an affectionate guy - hugging, holding hands, kissing and such in public.

After awhile, we did less and less. Not a lot of dinners, no movies, less passionate love. I texted her one time saying that I wish we would do more, and that it would be nice to go out once a week (along with other words). The next day at work she barely talked to me. I got so sad because I thought she didn't like me anymore. So I told her to explain her reasoning. In a short description: she wanted more time with her son and family, thought I was too selfish, didn't want me to sleepover a lot (I would have to sign a lease for being over so much, etc.), wanted me to pay attention to her son more, and other things. I said ok, I'll do my best to meet your needs. I was so in love with her, that I would do anything!

Earlier this week, we planned to have her sleep over our house and have dinner. Well, I wasn't thinking and last night I texted her the same thing about doing a dinner once a week or even once every two weeks, just because I felt we were on a slow path again. She got mad and told me this morning that we are done. I told her I was sorry for the pain I caused her. I really, really love her and want her back. I texted her a several times saying that I will change just for her. I was so devastated, and now my heart is in pieces. But, I do want to win her heart back and have one more chance.

Should I move on, or should I follow my heart and get her back? I was so happy with her and my life was so much better. Before I was a lonely guy who didn't have a job, stayed at home a lot, and was a total loser. I cried for so long (and still am) about us splitting. I just want to make her happy and have a wonderful relationship. But now, I don't think that is possible.

Any advice please?!

[smackie9]

Well when you date a single mom, kids are part of the package deal. She is not only looking for a lover, but a partner, and a father figure for her children, some one very permanent. Single moms really don't have many dating options as supposed to a single woman. This was a great relationship but up until a point she realized that her relationship with her child was suffering from it. You can't have a relationship on love alone, she needs more than that for her and her child. I think she was looking for an out anyways, seeing what direction it was going....too much about you and not enough about her family unit. Yes you are too young, and this relationship is not suitable for you, despite how much you love this woman. It's not going to work out for the long haul, and she knows this. She knows that the fling with a young lad is over and it's time to seriously look for a family man.

[smackie9]

T. Before I was a lonely guy who didn't have a job, stayed at home a lot, and was a total loser.
(

Please focus on doing something with your life instead of making a relationship your life. Get a job, go to night school, take online courses, get out more like working out or jogging, and make some friends. You are emotionally weak and need some serious structure in your life.

[FirePlay20]

I am willing to change and be someone for her, though. And the worst part of all, she doesn't want us to be friends. How can you treat someone with love that you used to like, and then decide to not be anything with that person? That is so cruel and cold-hearted, I just don't understand.

[smackie9]

Because the relationship was more to you than her. You were just some companionship she wanted for the time being. It's also quite possible her ex or an old BF has gotten in touch with her again.

Dude, break ups are not supposed to be fun, they hurt, and confuse, but it's just part of life. You take your lumps and learn from it. This is how you grow as a person. Makes you a little more wiser on who you date next time. If you are not ready for daddy time, then don't date women with kids.

[FirePlay20]

I don't plan on dating women with kids. She came on to me first; loving every second I was over her house and doing things with me. And then I become romantically attracted to her, because I was single for so long (about 12 years). So when I felt that she actually loved me, I couldn't help but love her back. I was stupid to think anything wrong could happen in such a short time period. From March to yesterday... it was just so surprising to me I guess. But yea, I have to grow up and experience life more. And not take everything for granted. :-\

[smackie9]

Well what she did is pretty typical of a lot of single moms that are newly separated from their partner, trying to date like a woman with no kid, keeping the kid separate from her dating activities. It's been posted on the boards before, single moms acting like they just got out of high school dating some immature guy, and then complaining they got dumped by the young BF (usually the BF is still in uni) because they want their freedom. Well duh, what the hell were they expecting. So the complications goes both ways.

I still do suspect she has either gone back to the ex, or the ex noticed she was spending most of her time with you and threatened full custody. So she had to dump you real quick.

[IndiReloaded]

Get your own life settled. A single mom wants a partner who brings stability to *her*, not the other way around. Or at least doesn't bring instability.

[smackie9]

Oh well we all have made poor choices when it comes to dating, nothing new about it really. That's why the boards are always busy on here lol.

[FirePlay20]

I don't think it is her ex, because she did the same thing to him. I'm guessing he was the same age or older at the time. It was the opposite for her though - she wanted to spend more time with her son (worked during the week & dropped off her son at her parents), and more time with family & close friends. She also said she doesn't want to date for awhile, so I don't really know what her plans are. I asked her to give me a little time to be the person she needs, but I guess she thought I would take forever. I texted her asking if we could maybe get back together down the road (a few years), when I am more independent and mature. She didn't reply to it. I think I might write her a letter, just to prove to her that I am going to become a better person. I've been thinking recently, about people my age or close to it (21), who already have a family or just starting one. I never asked her if the child was an accident or intentional though, because she was 18 when she had him.

But whatever, I came on here for advice and to vent. I want to talk to my parents today and tell them everything; they don't know about her son or how old she is. I need to become a man, and start doing everything on my own, or else I'll end up living with my parents until I'm 30. :-\

[IndiReloaded]

FirePlay, the two of you are in different universes. No offence, but dating you probably feels like dating a slightly older version of her children. Do sort out your life, but make these decisions based on what is good for *you*. Sorry if I missed this, but are you still living at home? Many young people do these days, esp. if you are in school or can't find a stable job.

She probably wants someone who can help with the bills and child care. You are certainly too young for this responsibility.

[jetta86s]

I believe that its best for you to focus on building a strong personality, if not try to figure out your strong point and start from there. Always do what you like and get back on the line when you're ready!

[love major]

smackie9 gave you a very good advice! Follow it and you'll be okay.

[FirePlay20]

I really want to be with her, and open up to her son. I feel that if we never see each other again, I will never find anyone else like her. Sure I may find a girl who has a couple of similar traits, but it won't be actually "her", it will just be another face. I've been shy my whole life, so talking to people in general has been a bitch. But honestly, I think I am ready to be more independent and experience the meaning of life. Every time I think of the things we did, I can't help but cry about it. Yes I have some growing up to do, but seriously, who the **** doesn't? Most girls around 21 are 24/7 party losers, who are immature and just not lovable enough. Why the hell should I even bother with them? I am a mature guy for 21, even my friends and parents agree. So why not start now and go after who I love? I am willing to become a responsible adult, even if that means supporting a family. Her friends, her sister, her parents... they all just make me feel like I'm a part of them. I believe that if she gives me the chance, I can make both her and her son really happy. I know she loved me at first sight, because why else would she want to "become friends", and eventually a couple? She knew I was younger, yet she still got closer to me. Her son is mature for his age (9), and is also a great person. I just need to face reality, and step up to the plate. Age does not matter!

I know most of you said it won't work out between us. But, how many times have you heard that and became surprised that those people are still together? My one friend who used to be a bit of a bully and a douche, is still with his GF (who is very sweet and kind) almost 5 years later. Does that not mean anything? Not everyone is perfect, or is exactly the same, and it shouldn't even come to that. If you two are in love and cannot stop thinking about each other after you split or "take a break", then to me it's a sign. We have no clue what our future holds. We might become a couple for 5-10 years, then realize we aren't meant for each other, and then separate. But really, that's how we work. I am willing to do anything for this young woman, just to win her back. And don't tell me I'm nuts, because there are far more ****ed up people than me.