Do the little things really matter?

[zertaag]

I'm having an interesting issue in my relationship, and it has left me clueless

It's about my girlfriend, we've had a rocky relationship for almost a year now. We had a honey moon stage that lasted up until her naivety caused me to feel like I was the absolute WORST partner in the world for being friends with a few of my exes from years ago. Long story short, I cheated in the past and actually never did it again because I felt like I was better than that. I told her about it, and how horrible I felt back then and then she basically likened me being friends with some of my exes to cheating. I had a meltdown unlike anything I had ever experienced in my life that lasted about three straight weeks (panic attacks, racing heart beat for those solid three weeks, anxiety like crazy). Around this time was when I started to notice a lot of things about her that I had ignored when I first met her. Ya know what they say, love is blind..

Her and I are so different. She doesn't have hobbies, meanwhile my free time is booked solid with sports and hobbies. Actually, her hobbies are hanging out with her friends, and shopping. Her only real motivation in life is making oodles of money. Money is obviously important to me, but I just don't understand how it drives her whole life. Lastly, we clash on a lot of opinions, which is fine, but her opinions are always spoon fed to her by the media or people she knows. It always starts a fight because I hate talking to people who don't have an intelligent opinion or statement to advance. She's pretty naive for someone with an MBA, and it drives me crazy.

Aside from our differences, she has these peculiar habits and I attribute them to her adhd and also to her never having a relationship until she met me. She is extremely pushy, inconsiderate of what anyone wants besides her, and for about 8 months she had absolutely HORRENDOUS breath and BO and never noticed until I told her (I link that with being inconsiderate, because she wouldn't think to brush her teeth after eating if she was hanging out with me, and she shouldn't ever think to shower before sex). I'm a freak about odor, I don't like it and wont tolerate it. I'm not trying to rag on her, by the way, I'm just trying to paint an accurate picture. She can be very sweet, and often I feel she acts these ways not out of trying to be rude, but not knowing how else to act.

I have listed a great number of little things that truly "grind my gears". I have tried to not let these things bother me because obviously no two people are the same..but it never works. I always end up getting so annoyed that I lash out at her. Sometimes I just don't understand how a 24 year old woman could be so naive. I feel mean, and I feel like the worst partner when I get upset with her. My question is, am I overreacting to these little differences, or do these little things really count as valid reasons to break up? She doesn't seem to think so..

[smackie9]

Yes the honeymoon stage is over and you finally see what you got.....someone that isn't compatible and doesn't fulfill your expectations....you have every reason to move on. You see the longer you stay the more amplified these little things become.

[smackie9]

BTW I think you have a personality disorder and should seek out some therapy. OCD? ADHD?

[jetta86s]

Here's a good sample. At 13 you wake up, eat and go to school. At 25 you wake up get dressed up and go to work. At 60 you wake up cook breakfast and talk to the plants. Does little things matter? Only when you get old that you start noticing them.

[zertaag]

Thank you both for your input. It's just really hard to let go when you know you're the one who is causing all of the fights with your pickiness.

BTW I think you have a personality disorder and should seek out some therapy. OCD? ADHD?

I'm seeing someone about my OCD tendencies, good call. I do sweat the small details no one else notices and I have tremendous anxiety over it. I'm beginning to see that unless I really start making progress with this I will be going down the same road in my relationships over and over and over.

Here's a good sample. At 13 you wake up, eat and go to school. At 25 you wake up get dressed up and go to work. At 60 you wake up cook breakfast and talk to the plants. Does little things matter? Only when you get old that you start noticing them.

I like your example.

Thanks again guys, felt good to get this off my chest and get some opinions.

[love major]

Sometimes matter. Depends of the little thing.

[angelsnairwaves]

i agree with smackie9. if you continue this relationship your problems will likely worsen. be smarter about who you fall in love with. you have to use your brains dont just go off of feelings- sometimes they steer you wrong. and im glad you are seeking help! ive only ever had one panic attack but it was NOT fun.