Meeting family

[Lynda]

Hi,

I need a man's advice.

Ive been dating my bf for a year at the end of july

He hasnt intoduced me to his friends yet. I met his cousine and his friend that moved to canada from algeria byt never his other friends. Although he doesnt see them much about 4 times that he has i was never invited sometimes i was working and other times not. He has quit a few girl friends doesnt see them either but it has happend twice that he saw them but didnt invite me. It made me sad and confused.

The same probleme with my family. Every time im invited to go over my father s or sister for supper or any in it, he always says no and im left hurt and sad and it makes me dought our relationship. My mother came for a visit from florida this weekend and he did come and see her he even invited here over his place for diner. But the next day
Y sister came to pick my mother up so i asked him over for diner so he can meet my sister but he sais no and i got upset and i dont no if i cant take it anymore. He has only met my daughter twice in a year shes 20 whats up with that. His brother is coming from the states for 10 days he wants to go to toronto and he wants me to go with them. I said yes.

I know he loves me he treats me wonderfully and respects me and he s aleays doing things for me. I know he wants to be with me. I dont know what makes him resist meeting my family he has no trouble having lunch over his clients house every day and can talk with them for hours and that hurts me so much that he can do that but not with my family. By the way that is the only probleme between us we have never had any arguments about anything else. Hes 34 and im 42.

Thks for your feed back

[smackie9]

No matter how much I love a man, I would be looking at this as a deal breaker right from the start. He isn't so wonderful if he refuses to introduce you to his friends and family and also refusing to meet yours......there is something very wrong there. There is no future with him if marriage is in the plans...you marry into a family as well as that person, well that's the way it supposed to be. If he won't communicate with you then the relationship will never survive anyways. IMO, I would get out of this relationship. Are you that hard up? Seriously it's been a year and you still have not met his friends and family?

[Lynda]

His family live in france and the US so that doesnt help he is algerian and dies want to travel with me to algeria. I ve been through a lot from men in the past and i dont accept any crap from men i have little tolerence if i dont know for sure that he loves me and i know he does. Thats why im so confused

[smackie9]

You don't put up with abusive men yes, but this one is sugary sweet.

[smoothmazz]

Instead of getting upset sit him down and communicate with him exactly what you are communicating to us. Tell him exactly what you want and why you want it and what it means to you, if he doesn't respect that or try to work with that then he isn't the one for you. It's really that simple. You need to pretty straight forward or he is just going to walk all over you for the duration of your relationship.

[jetta86s]

Instead of getting upset sit him down and communicate with him exactly what you are communicating to us. Tell him exactly what you want and why you want it and what it means to you, if he doesn't respect that or try to work with that then he isn't the one for you. It's really that simple. You need to pretty straight forward or he is just going to walk all over you for the duration of your relationship.

I absolutely agree. You don't have to complicate things and hide your feelings. It is always best to talk it out with your partner.

[Lynda]

I have talked to him at least 6 times and every time with respect and calm i shared my feelings of sadness that it was making me feel. I see he is making an effort but its only my mother that he says yes to see and my best friend. I will meet his brother in august and for his friends, he told me he will introduce me the bext time he sees them. I just feel like i have to go through the same stress each time i get an invit and i want him to come i know he will say no. Do i just continu to be patient or tell him if you cant then thats not how i want to live. In my mind i have made a decision that i give him till next july 2013 to move in together, if he doesnt want then its over fir good. Am i to hard?

[oldskool83]

find a different guy. people who dont want meet family are not really sure they want to be with the person they are with.

[Lynda]

Hi

Thks for your advice. Have you noticed that he has met my mother and invited her over his place for diner and i have met his cousine and in august his younger brother but fir the rest its a struggle he told me he would introduce me to his friends next time he goes out with his friends. I have to mention that we are always together we rarely go out with friends on our iwn or together. I feel his effort but they are so tiny. I would like to add that he has lent me 10000$ i have paid him back, if he didnt lOve me i believe he wouldnt be around or he wouldnt have lent me all that money dont you think.

[oldskool83]

lending money is nothing more then money,m i lent an ex 8K, i left my friend 8K also, i was not in love with my friend whos a man.

[smackie9]

You won't confront him because he won't talk to you about it so communication is out. You won't leave him so I guess you will have to accept it's just one of his quirks. Best of luck.