Tips on how to make clear to male friends just wanting to be friends?

[jetta86s]

I guess the best way to do that is not to give them any signs that they might misinterpret.

[Lyria]

thank you for all the suggestions.

[haxan]

There's a female member here, Searock, she knows how to keep those boundaries. Maybe she will post or you can pm her. Men and women can be friends professionally, in the work world, or when there's distance and understood boundaries. When there's close physical proximity and lots of physical interaction hanging out, things get dicey fast, because men tend to only hang around women they find appealing.

[Osaka]

Frequently mention to your guy friends that they are good friends and mention that you love your boyfriend.

[searock]

Haxan, you flatter me ;-).

OP, I also have always had several male friends. I'll try to make a list of some things you can do to make sure nothing awkward happens.

1) First thing you need to do is to make sure that they know that you have a boyfriend, and that you are in love with him. Talk about him with them, have them meet him, have him hang out with you and your male friends. When you see your friends without your bf, ask them about their girlfriends or love interests, and talk about your boyfriend in return. As you would with any female friend, basically.

2) Avoid physical contact of any kind. Don't hug, nudge, kiss on the cheek, tickle, etc., any of your male friends. This is extremely important.

3.a) If you have even the slightest suspicion that one of your male friends is attracted to you, I strongly suggest you distance yourself from him. You can meet him in a group of friends every now and then, just don't spend any time alone with him and avoid chatting with him online or via text. It kind of sucks if you consider him a good friend, but you gotta do what you gotta do: you don't want to string him along. If it really isn't possible to avoid him (for example if you live together or something), just make sure that he knows that you will *never* give him any more than friendship. This point is more for his sake than for yours. Not so much the following one:

3.b) If you suddenly realize that you are attracted to one of your male friends... it is very bad news. Consider things carefully. Are you *really* in love with your boyfriend? If you are, then distance yourself immediately from your friend. If you hesitate in answering, you probably aren't in love with your bf and your sudden attraction for your friend is but a consequence of this fact. In this case, you should break up.

4) This probably sounds kind of silly, but pay attention to what you wear when you meet up with your friends (i.e., don't wear anything sexy if it's not your everyday style).

5) Avoid spending time alone with any of your male friends, unless your friendship is so ridiculously strong and there is absolutely, 100%, no way that either of you is attracted to the other (even then, keep in mind that things can always change: if they do, refer to point 3).

6) Do NOT text or chat or talk on the phone with any of your male friends at night (from 10:30 pm to 8 am), and obviously, do not hang out alone with any one of your male friends at night (it's ok if you are in a group of friends).

I think that pretty much covers it. A genuine, strong friendship is possible between a man and a woman. Just be aware that when attraction becomes involved, unfortunately such a friendship becomes impossible. At best, there is mutual attraction that becomes flirty intimacy and eventually either a good relationship, or a bad heartbreak. At worst, there is a one-way attraction that makes things awkward and painful from the start.

So, if after clearly stating your love for your boyfriend a guy you considered a "friend" takes his distance from you, instead of feeling sad, feel grateful that you avoided an unpleasant situation. True friends aren't attracted to one another - when they are, they become boyfriend and girlfriend, or break the friendship for the sake of existing relationships with their current partners.

[searock]

Oh I forgot, obviously, don't make friends with a guy you are attracted to to begin with.