Need honest answers on whether qualities I have are turnoff or attractive......Thanks

[michelle23]

Just because a girl doesnt wait until marriage for sex does not mean there is something wrong with her. Marrying someone you have not slept with is like marrying a stranger. Sex helps you to connect with someone emotinally, build trust and become closer. If you marry someone you have not slept with, they would just be your friend. And you would have to get to know each other on a hole other level after marriage.
Sex brings you closer, it helps you to be more affectionate and to have deepmeaningful conversations etc.
Dont get me wrong here, i really admire your integrity and self respect but if you really care about someone and can see it being long term, sex will help you to fall in love faster and help you stay in love.

Also u need to know u are compatabile sexually. The last thing u want after ur married is to find out she has self esteem issues and doesnt want u looking at her body etc. You also dont want to end up with someone who thinks sex is a chore and has no interest..

It is your choice though.

[michelle23]

I dont thibk your lack of experience will work against you though. When me and my partner met, neither of us had much experience but we took our time getting to know each other sexually and id say our sex life is amazing so dont worry about that. Communication is key

[surfhb2]

Hi everyone, sorry for the length, but whoever reads the whole thing, it's appreciated.

So we talked about our beliefs regarding sex. She obviously already knew about me never having had a gf or sex, but I also told her that I was waiting until marriage. She admitted to having sex once in high school at age 18 (btw we're both 23). Obviously that hurt but she also has no idea that what she admitted is a deal breaker for me. I don't think I should tell her the truth about my beliefs because that would probably make her feel horrible. So should I just slowly start to faze out our relationship or just be brutally honest and tell her the truth?

Also, I know I've gotten a lot of ridicule on my beliefs regarding sex and that's fine, but why is it so wrong to think the way I think? I know it's extremely difficult to find people who think like me today and I've already accepted the fact that I may very well end up alone for the rest of my life. Believe me there's many times that I would love to be just a regular 23 year old guy for a night, but I know I'll regret it the next day. I also know that if I were to have sex or have a drink, it wouldn't change me as a person. But I'll admit that I try to be perfect in everything I do (even though I know it's not possible) but then again there's no harm in at least trying to attain it. And since I can control staying a virgin and choosing a partner who's also a virgin, why not at least attempt trying to make that happen. If it doesn't work, then tough luck, but if it does, well then, I think it would be worth the wait.

I also absolutely hate the excuse people make about having to have sex before marriage. You know the one that goes "well you wouldn't buy a car without going on a test drive first, would you?" That's so lame and sad, I mean we're married, we love each other, I don't see how we would not be sexually compatible. Even if the first time sucks or the second, third, fifth, tenth, seventeenth, ninety-ninth...though I think by then we would be ok haha...it doesn't matter, we would eventually learn what's good and what's not. It's not like we have a time limit to get it correct by, if it takes a month or two to finally have awesome sex, so be it, we still have years and years of great sex ahead and what makes it even better is knowing that we waited for each other, learned it together and have no regrets about our past.

Thanks

Wow! I showed this thread as a joke to my GF and she cried from sadness. I feel sorry for you....I really do. Best to just tell her straight off you're not interested.

Honestly though....youre only 23 so Im pretty sure you'll come out of your shell some time in the next 10 years or so Good Luck

[michelle23]

I guess I'll just answer a few questions I've been asked so far.

1. I am Catholic but certainly not religious (haven't been to church since sex abuse scandal 10 yrs ago).

2. What I like: Traveling, running, biking, reading, gardening, photography, learning and spending time with family. I don't really have that many friends, because as you guys said, not many people share my same tastes.

I also have a serious question to ask.......and please only women respond.

My question is: It seems like women would rather be with a guy who has had sex a bunch of times rather than a guy who is saving himself for one women, is this true?

Maybe its just me but I would much rather have someone who had the self contol to abstain than get used material.


Thanks again for the responses.

for me personally, this is not true. I would not feel comfortable with someone who has slept around. Not my type at all. I would much rather take my time learning to trust before sex and then slowly get used to each
Learning what we both like. I wouldnt mind if he has been in 3 or 4 relationships before me-that would not bother me but if i thought he just used women for sex-i would run a mile

[michelle23]

There is no general rule to what women want. We are all different and unique as men are and you will meet someone who shares your values and beliefs. Its very refeshing when i talk to men who do not think "sex is just sex"