Why is this breakup so hard?

[Donness]

My girlfriend of 2 years broke it off with me about 3 weeks ago, I'd like to say I saw it coming, but I didn't. In hindsight there were signs. The reasons why we broke up are not really important, It was mostly me. I didn't cheat on her, but I didn't pay nearly enough attention to her as I was supposed to. I became too comfortable in the relationship and things got boring for her. I unconsciously took her for granted, didn't bring her out on dates enough. I failed her.

And if breaking u wasn't enough, she is now dating someone she was talking to about a week before we broke up. And now they are boyfriend/girlfriend. It stings, and cuts deeply.

I'm not going to lie, I cried for days and nights, stopped eating for 6 days, lost 12 pounds (I'm down to 170, kinda nice in a way) thought about killing myself. Why? I don't know. Pain from 2 years of my life with someone I loved with all my heart, did everything for. I remodeled her house by myself with my own money, blood, sweat and tears. We had some amazing adventures together, trips to the ocean, the UK, Europe, down south to Georgia, just because. And all the little things we laughed, joked and cried over. She was always my best friend from day one, I feel like her friendship is being taken away from me because I screwed up. I'm not denying it.

The only redeeming part of this whole incident, is that we still talk and still hang out. She still needs my help around her house doing things, and I like doing it because it keeps my mind off the sheer boredom this one horse town offers me. I really need someone to comfort me and she is my only friend in this town, its very hard not to burden her with my issues when she is the one directly involved. And I can't talk to my cat, and they don't really understand that well. She said there might be a chance for us in the future if things don't work out between her and her current fling. I promised her I would dig deep in my heart and realize the things I did wrong and fix them. I read over 30,000 text messages between her and I since day one that I've saved, and I saw myself myself changing, but I did. I never once raised my vioce at her, or treated her badly, I just didn't continue to treat her how I did at the beginning. And I know why. I just need to fill the rut I dug for myself and get better, which I'm determined to do.

Ahhhh yes, the other issue, I'm 37, I'm VERY active with running, cycling, anything outdoors. I'm not a fat slob that sits around the house. Some times I think that I will never find anyone around her age that is as "cool" and active as her. I like younger women, not creepy young, but about 8-10 years my junior. I'm not attracted to women my age, never have been. Maybe its because most if not all of the women my age or older cannot keep up with me, I don't know.

I live in a small town, I don't drink or go to bars, don't hang out places. So its hard for me to meet someone, I'm not looking for a relationship, I'm not over my last, but someone to to do things with and get my mind off everything. Sometimes I think I'm destined to die alone, and not find any one.

I would do anything to be with her again, even if I have to wait 2 weeks, or 20 years. we were a perfect match, and still are. Is her wanting to still be friends and do things with me a sign that there is hope? I know I'm rambling, but I'm honestly lost right now. I can use some encouragement and advice.

Hell of a first post huh?

[oldskool83]

Sorry to hear this but it happens. You have addressed somthings I see good and bad. Breaking up is not good, you should be upset if you loved the person. She shouldnt be seeing someone else a week after....that clearly shows to me she either had been looking for awhile or is clearly the relationship jumper which is a bad sign its self of codependacy. I do feel you should stop talking to her and stop fixing her place up. Distance yourself from the situation. Have a male best friend or male friend you can at least talk with on bad days. Go to that all you can eat chineese buffet and try and find yourself as hard as it might be. The sooner you can seen that she does not want what you want the sooner you can heal. I am not at all trying to be cocky. I recently told my friend this also.

with the younger girls might come these types of heartachs. I am 28, and i find women even a few years younger then me say 3 years cannot simple handle. You might want to rethink why you are attracted to these women younger, is it their bodies or sex or no kids? Just some things i seen jump out at me. If you were ignoring her why didnt she speak up and say somthing on how she feels. There is your storey, there is her story and then there is a real story.

[Chris0516]

Breaking up being hard on who? The one who causes the breakup, or the one that gets told?

But from what you describe, it sounds like she was cheating on you.