how to recognize personality disorders

[freedom4me]

I have another thread on here about a man i was dating. Someone pointed out to me that he had traits of several different personality disorders. I was with a sociopath in the past for a very long time. He made it very difficult for me to leave him. He was very outgoing and charming. Everybody thought he was amazing. Behinds closed doors he manipulated and abused me. He cheated on me. Any kind of abuse you can think of and he did it to me.

So my question is, can a very quiet shy guy also be narcissistic or sociopathic? I always thought they were very outgoing and charming like my ex was. The guy i just recently dated has a very different personality from my ex. Recent guy is quiet. Ex was extremely extroverted. Recent guy is not a charmer. Ex was the most charming man i ever met. Recent guy doesnt have any friends. Ex has tons of friends. Recent guy is very polite to everyone, except when he is driving. Ex is rude to anyone he feels cannot help him if he feels like it. Recent guy sometimes ignores me when i speak to him as if he didnt hear me. My ex heard every word i said and sometimes added words to what i said that i didnt even say. Recent guy is not argumentative, although he would belittle me sometimes. Ex argued about everything, also belittling.

Some similarities they have include being workaholics, metrosexuals, controlling, extremely jealous, and need for attention from me.

I found it very interesting to come across many definitions of metrosexual that stated narcissism goes hand in hand with it. Recent guy is more metro than possibly any other. At one point i even entertained the idea he may be gay or bi.

I understand no one will be able to diagnose anyone from what i have described here and thats not what i am looking for. I really would like to hear if people with similar disorders can have such different personalities. I would have never guessed the quiet shy type as being sociopathic or narcissistic and thats kind of why i was attracted to him because i didnt think he had it in him to manipulate me.

I was taken aback when someone on here suggested he sounded like several personality disorders. It really made me reevaluate myself as to why i keep falling for them. And i find the words narcissist and sociopath to be very sore subjects for me since the abuse of my ex so its hard for me to even write this post. But im wondering, maybe that IS what i am attracted to for some strange sadistic reason. Thats why i am evaluating. I dont want to do that anymore.

In fact ive wondered if its actually me that brings out those traits in a man when they wouldnt be like that with another woman. This is an absolutely terrifying idea to me. Is that possible?

[searock]

You can't "bring out" personality disorders, if they aren't there to begin with.

[Wakeup]

You might want to google Narsissistic Personality Disorder and Boarderline Personality Disorder and see if your newest ex has any of those symtoms. I think in order to be considered as either, one must show consistancy in at least 5 of the symptoms.

You shouldn't blame yourself by thinking you may be bringing about a disorder in someone, These things usually manifest due to childhood trauma of one sort or another.

I think you just need to learn to see red flag behaviour in people who are just bastards in general. If you can hone your picker, then you'll avoid those who are just simply disingenuous as well as those with outright mental disorders.

[Chris0516]

You can't "bring out" personality disorders, if they aren't there to begin with.

I am apt to agree with this. Because, The criteria for a personality disorder, is not like seeing a compound fracture of a bone. A compound fracture is visually obvious. The criteria for personality disorders, have to be known beforehand.

Also, To sort of give an idea on Bi-Polar Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder, I was engaged to a woman who said she was diagnosed with Bi-Polar Disorder in 1999. During the time we were together, the therapist(s) I was seeing(one neuropsychological, and one specific to women's issues related to abuse), said, that her behavior was typical for someone that had been abused in childhood and developed Borderline Personality Disorder as a result. Despite what she told me she was diagnosed with. She was always threatening suicide. She also used her Masters Degree in Psychology as justification for saying I had eleven mental and two physical health problems. I do have physical health problems, but not what she said I had.

I forget the term. But people with Bi-Polar Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder will make wild claims n' justifications that are obviously not possibly true.

[freedom4me]

I did google borderline pd and npd. He doesnt seem to be borderline but he does have many if not all the npd traits. Especially in the way he treats me. That hurts because he doesnt seem to treat others that way. Although the only people i have seen him interact with has been his roommate and servers when we go out to eat. He did tell me he has issue with being out of control and will get frustrated with people on the phone and tell them how to do their job. He also does talk dirt about his roommate behind his back whenever they have to do a major project together. It doesnt matter anymore. I am moving on. Its just helpful to know as much as i can about what where when and why so i dont end up making the same mistakes over and over. Thank you searock, Wakeup, and Chris0516

[Chris0516]

I did google borderline pd and npd. He doesnt seem to be borderline but he does have many if not all the npd traits. Especially in the way he treats me. That hurts because he doesnt seem to treat others that way. Although the only people i have seen him interact with has been his roommate and servers when we go out to eat. He did tell me he has issue with being out of control and will get frustrated with people on the phone and tell them how to do their job. He also does talk dirt about his roommate behind his back whenever they have to do a major project together. It doesnt matter anymore. I am moving on. Its just helpful to know as much as i can about what where when and why so i dont end up making the same mistakes over and over. Thank you searock, Wakeup, and Chris0516

I am glad I could help.

[rafterman]

I forget the term. But people with Bi-Polar Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder will make wild claims n' justifications that are obviously not possibly true.

I think its called Psychotic......LOL

[IndiReloaded]

Why do you care about the label? A jerk is a jerk, call it whatever you want. At the end of the day, they are damaging people to be in a relationship with.

Shy people with these traits are often only shy until pressed in the area they are uncomfortable with (but is often an emotional need of their partners). Ever heard of the quiet guy who goes postal? Ted Kaczynski? He was quiet too.