Dumped for Me liking her more then she did me

[nichhamilton]

Okay so I met this girl at work. We hungout with friends a few times till we started going on dates. After the 3rd one it was clear we both liked eachother and we were exclusive. I figured okay she is my gf but I'll ask her anyways so after the second week I asked her to be my gf. Yes I know that's too soon but it felt right. Well she said no she wants to date longer and take things slow and she promised this wouldn't change things. So I said okay. We hungout literally almost everyday but 2 days for the next 2 weeks. We didn't get tired of eachother or anything but she said she is really stressed with school and work at the same time. Keep in my she is taking sunmer classes in college plus working 5 days a week. I was fine with that and we tried to slow down but didn't and here's where the problem happened. Were at 4 weeks of dating and she tells me she doesn't want to anymore. And here are her reasons. School,work and me are too much to worry about. She didnt even want a bf but then i came along is how she said it. The small things that bothered her about me she said wouldn't even be a problem if not for all this stress. She said when we're hanging out we have so much fun but then when she thinks about serious stuff she get stressed. She also told me I kept moving too fast and didnt slow down. And I never listened to her feelings and only did what I thought was right. Well here's the thing she said maybe different time we would be good and she also we were compatible but just not right now. Well I see her at work everyday bc it's our job and when fall rolls around we will be seeing eachother in the college dorms a lot. So maybe I can spark something again when she calms down with all her stress? What should I do here? And here are some side notes I'm
21 and she is 20.

[D e L]

Yeah, man... I hate to say it, you smothered her. Its ironic, but sometimes in love, the hardest thing to do is to do nothing. I am struggling with giving time and space right now myself... but I know its the right thing to do.

I mean look at what happened... she wasnt ready to be bf/gf yet but wanted to date longer and take things slow. She was spot on when she said you did listen to her feelings, because in no way could ever rational consider the former to mean "Lets hang out for the 12 out of the next 14 days". She even dropped subtle hints that she was stressed about school and work... to which you thought, "Oh well I should be around to help her de-stress". But you have to understand you were already doing what she specifically asked you not to. If you guys are hanging out everyday, how is she really focusing on the things she feels she needs to get done? What she was really saying was "I have a lot going on right now I need to focus on, and you are not doing what I asked of you and are further stressing me out." If you want any hope of a future with her you really have to understand and see for yourself what I just told you. You have to understand the difference between holding something and grasping it. Hopefully once you reflect on that you will see this had nothing to do with her dumping you because you liked her more than she did you, but because you weren't listening to here needs and respecting them.

So your real question is can it be salvaged... that depends, are you all still talking? Did it end badly, are you amicable? If she is still willing to talk to you and friendly, tell her you have been doing some serious thinking (which you have,right?) and would really like to share some things with her... make it clear you JUST WANT TO TALK, NO PRESSURE. If she agrees, the conversation has to be all about making her feel validated and that you see the error you made and respect her decision. You can express that you appreciate why she was stressed and would like the chance to prove yourself but DO NOT ASK HER OUT. Give her some time to think about that, prove that your intentions were genuine and get her to believe what you told her is true (because it is, right?). In a few days if she warms up to you, ask her to lunch... something very low pressure. Then just focus on having fun together, make her laugh, enjoy each others company. From there just play it by ear... but you have GOT TO TAKE IT SLOW. She seems to have a lot going on right now, and you can't muscle your way in, she has to make room for you, and that is going to take time. Be Patient.

Best of Luck!

[nichhamilton]

That makes total sense thanks! and if i see her at work which i know i will what should i do?

[D e L]

See how she acts around you... see if meeting for a conversation is even in the cards. You have make her feel safe enough to site down and hear you out, but make it clear that you are not going to pressure her.

But do NOT bring it up at work. If you run into her smile and if you all talk keep the conversation lite.

[nichhamilton]

okay heres the awkward thing thats about to happen. she txted and said "this is awkward but i think you have my bra" so now i have to meet her and give it back. what should i do?

[D e L]

perhaps take it as the opportunity to talk to her. "Sure I can get that to you, I dont know if work is appropriate... Would you like to meet for lunch, or I can drop it by?"

if she agrees to lunch, great.
if she says come drop it by, thats a prefect opportunity to ask her if you can just talk to her for a few minutes. Appreciate her decision, make her feel validated... make sure she understands that you understand, but do NOT ask her out. She will be expecting that. You can say you now see what she means about taking it slow, but leave it at that. Give her time to see you do understand.

[smoothmazz]

I don't think you should do anything. You should really just ignore her if she feels that she needs you she will come back they all do. If she does come back though make sure you use the advice she gave you about not listening to her and moving to quickly and change it so you don't push her away for the second time.

[cheekxs]

I think u where running to fast.
And did not give her time to fall in love with you.

Its like from 2 u went to 10 with her.

And woman really need the time to fall for some one.
If u dont give them that space and time they will not feel safe with u and allow themselves to fall for u.

And maybe she really want to go for her school and that is only good.
just let it go and move on.