Very Complicated Situation

[searock]

OP, you should stop obsessing over this. It happened, it's the past, it's useless to keep thinking about it. Start doing things to distract yourself, really put an effort in moving on. Find new hobbies and new friends to hang out with, focus on your job, just - move on. Getting counseling sounds like a great idea btw.

[Oh Really :}]

The thing that upsets me the most is to finally realize how much I hurt her, seeing the things she told the detectives about me and seeing how it truly effected her. My regret is that I can't go back and fix it to where she never had to go through all the pain I caused her. I've thought about it over and over, like in the movie The Butterfly Effect where he goes back and removes her from his life in order to save her, he still has all the memories of her, but he went back and fixed it so she wouldn't have to go through everything that was so bad. That's what I wish I could do, because it wouldn't change my memories and it wouldn't take away my pain, but it would take away her's, and that's all I care about regarding this situation.

What happens to a wound if you keep picking at it and dont leave it alone ?

Your not gonna fix anything for her by scratching and poking at it. Just let it be, thats how you can help her best.

Fix it by LEAVING IT ALONE And that wound that needs healing ^^ That wound in on you ^^ You know what to do ! You DONT need this pain do you ? Then stop picking at it

[smackie9]

Just remember you can always come back here to talk

[whitedragon20na]

I've actually been doing pretty well the past about 36 hours or so. I do keep coming back to it, mentally, every now and then, but so far I've been able to shake it by telling myself the truth about the whole mess and not dwell on any of my thoughts that had been getting me down.

Now, I do need some advice, preferably from the females only here. I have a very difficult time meeting people, due to being terribly anti social, afraid to talk to people I don't know and having pretty much zero self-confidence. I'll be going to a sporting event this weekend and would just like some advice on how to approach someone of the opposite sex. I know the whole conversation bit and what to talk about, what not to talk about, etc. My big thing is, quite literally, the first thing to say, as in my 28, almost 29 years, I've approached a grand total of two girls/women to talk to them in this manner.

[IndiReloaded]

Control yourself. Its the start of all respect, your own and others.

I think you need to focus first on getting some friends, male, before worrying about attracting a girlfriend. You seem to be the type who would try to make that girl your world and that's not healthy for anyone. Guy friends will help you to find girls, plus its a lot less pressure. Join a meetup group in your area.

[whitedragon20na]

I'm not looking for a girlfriend, just friends really. I'm not good at having male friends, no idea why, just never have been. I'm in no place to be trying to form such a relationship right now.

[smackie9]

Right there you are already causing yourself great anxiety. Don't tell yourself that you have to start approaching women because you are at this event. Just go to the event for the event and nothing more. You need to get used to being around people first. Stop putting so much pressure on yourself, this antisocial behavior is gonna take a lot of time and work, so don't be throwin yourself into it so fast..... baby step, one thing at a time.

[whitedragon20na]

Well, I went about a week just shrugging it off and didn't have any problems. Now that all the legal stuff has been situated and I have no more anxiety over what's going to happen, since I pretty much know, the direct loss is now crashing down on me. I continue to play the 'what if' game in my head constantly. I'm so angry with myself for everything I did, especially what I put her through. I've never been this angry and any one thing before in my life, and it's directed at myself, which I don't have a clue how to handle.

I'm honestly surprised I haven't completely fallen apart yet, but I feel like it might be inevitable regardless. I'm having a difficult time getting much sleep anymore, I eat maybe once a day, I really don't have energy for much of anything anymore.

It's at this point, after trying just about everything within my realm of possibility and having it work just temporarily, that I don't know what to do anymore. Apparently finding the 'help' I need while being completely broke is damn near impossible.

[smackie9]

Step one: You need to change the way you think, and seek out the positive aspects of your situation. I feel you should be taking a sigh of relief that the legal stuff is now out of the way. Instead of feeling loss, you should be feeling hope, and that you have a second chance to turn your life around. Feeling pain isn't a bad thing, but a process of learning more about yourself and growing from it. I think that is part of your fight with this, is that it's not normal to feel this bad, but it is. Remember these feelings you are having now will go away....that is part of healing, we all have and will go through it. You dwell on it too much, and keep going over it in your head......you need to learn not to sweat over the small stuff and to accept things that you cannot change....this means you need to tell yourself to move on.

[whitedragon20na]

Well, I've been doing my best to keep my mind occupied and for the most part it's worked. I have little break downs here and there when I'm alone with my thoughts.

Unfortunately now she's somewhere I can't just 'think' her away. I've been having frequent dreams involving her, and I don't know how to get them to go away. The worst part is that they're mostly happy dreams and when I wake up it just kills me.

[smackie9]

These things take time dear. So far you are doing much better. How about keeping a journal and writing those thoughts and feelings down.....some find it a good way to release these things.

[smackie9]

[whitedragon20na]

Unfortunately I had a dream about her last night that really hurt. In it she forgave me for everything, said she loved me, embraced me and told me that she never wanted to let go. Waking up after that dream was incredibly painful.

The only release I get is writing stuff down, and while that does help quite a bit in the short term, it's not helping my brain settle down at all. Through all my thoughts on my life and whatnot, I put everything into one of three categories. 1. Pre-June 20th, 2007 (before I met her), 2. June 20th, 2007 - January 13th, 2012 (while I knew her), and 3. Post January 13th, 2010 (after I lost her). I don't do it intentionally, my brain just automatically does it and while I can stop it sometimes, most of the time I can't.

I've really never been THIS attached to anyone in my life before. It's been over seven months now and I've really never had this hard of a time letting someone go before. I was engaged when I was younger, I lost two close family members a few years ago, and yet this is the ONE person that my heart doesn't want to let go and I really don't know why.

[smackie9]

This is something that most of us have gone through at one time. It will stop someday....just keep working through it and keep writing.

[Cerby]

The writing is good, have you considered speaking to a therapist to see what other things you can do as well?