Really want her back.... Advice?

[DullLife]

Hello guys,

dont want to make this a massive essay... but.... to explain the story

Im 25 and shes 22. Been together a year and she lost her virginity to me. We were in a long(ish) distance relationship.


I had a few days off work a week in a row (from my low paid job). So that was our time together. She had agency work when we got together, but they messed her around and in the end she was jobless and on benefits.

No "beer goggles" or anything, but indeed through all the time together, until the past month, our relationship was very strong, obviously she trusted me with her virginity and we were always sincere and couldnt help but say "love you sooo much" as often as possible. Bedroom life was excellent.


The reason it ended? Well apart from why it ended I can name 1 fault. We took it in turns at going to eachothers each few days we had together. I became a bit too complacent and she came to mine a lot more than I went to hers.


Anyway.... why it ended?

Last weekend (our time together) nothing was different, she was here, we had a great time.


In the week, I think our money worries got on top of us. So we were both low and our text messages we not as meaningful and nice to eachother. Nothing horrid, just distant during that week.

Sunday when I was due to go to hers, our texts were still distant, and she bought up "maybe we are drifting apart? things dont seem right?". Stupidly I said "no they dont" and she said maybe we should split up for the best.

I txt some explanation, she said, she just feels the last few weeks we have been distant, that if we split up we would be able to get on with our lives without dragging eachother down.

I explained a few more points and she said that things we thought we had in common, we have seen as of recent times that we actually dont. She ended the texts by saying she just cant do it anymore and shes sorry. I said to her I can only respect her choice. An hour later she took me off "in a relationship with..." on facebook, although didnt put herself as single... just nothing....





That night, feeling low and unable to sleep, I sent her a final message, it was a long facebook message. I said she didnt have to reply and didnt ask any questions to show that. I just said how I felt.

She replied the next day saying she hadnt been able to sleep at all and she thinks shes made a mistake with ending it, but just needs time. She said she thought it was for the best as I could go back to the time before we met and she could get on with things like a career. Also she mentioned she keeps thinking "what if".

I replied saying understanding things and a few hours later she replied saying "it all makes sense, but I dunno, Just maybe we shouldnt be together, im not sure I can be with you anymore..."

Of course I questioned that and said... since she changed her mind twice in the space of an hour, she needs to be 100% certain of what she wants, cause if she does want it fully over. It means we can never be in touch again, never see eachother again or be in contact and there would be no chance of her being able to change her mind again in the future.... havent got a reply to this day (2 days after). Shes been avoiding facebook by the looks of it, but still playing facebook games we played against eachother, although she hasnt done "her turn" in the games against me.





My take on it.... She loves me, no doubt. However, shes stuck in this cycle. She cant get work because nobody would employ her and let her have the days off that we see eachother on. She spends nearly all her benefit money on fuel to come and see me and spending money when shes here. Meaning when shes not seeing me and is at home, she cant do anything due to no money. What the tipping point could of been, was that, she mentioned the past few weeks. Now thats the same time we both were really low about money. Perhaps what kept her going (even with having no money) was knowing we would be texting really promising stuff to eachother, and of course have them days together every week.... but with us both being down about money shes wondering why she should sacrifice all that when we are going to be low about cash. I think she believes that, to get a fulltime job, so she can build a future, she cant be in a long distance relationship with me. Because with her working full time we wouldnt see eachother. But equally, she cant keep going on being skint, not having a job, and not being able to build a career.


I did ask someone who would be neutral (they would honestly tell me if they thought it was a dead end situation and 1 I should let go of). They said, they asked weather theres another guy in question (trust me there isnt). Then went on to say that her decision is something she clearly thinks is "rash", that from what was said she doesnt really want to let me go and will miss me really soon. They also said its like shes trying to tell herself that its for the best, whilst deep down she knows she doesnt want it to end.

The neutral person said if I want her back... Leave it til the weekend so theres been a week space. Then they will compose a message for me to send to her (dont know what it is yet).




I dont know whats right??? More than anyhing I want her back... naturally, cause as she even admitted, basically its only been the past few weeks that theres been a problem. So clearly apart from money, work troubles, distance and thus feeling low, our relationship was very healthy.

I think deep down of course her feelings are there, but the reason shes been deciding if it end it or not was due to thinking that being together means no career. She even mentioned too about her heart and her head just saying different things. So im guessing its her head thats saying that staying together will mean the same old, where shes jobless and we couldnt even build a future if we wanted to.


Is it worth doing what the neural person said? Sending her a message they will write (id put in my own words though) sunday night.

I know some replys will say.... "do NO CONTACT!!!".... But, whilst theres no way I want to seem clingy or needy to put her off... Time can heal anyone in any situation. Thus with no contact, her genuine feelings for me will clearly fade, and with every day or week, she will become more and more sure that she made the right choice in ending it for the sake of having a career and making a life for herself without thinking of another way round things.


Thanks guys in advance

[weathergirl]

I have read your post, and all I can honestly say is give each other some space to looking at the relationship, it's future and make a decision you are both happy with. It sounds like she is going through the same as you. In order to make an informed decision you both need to take a step back. If it was meant to be, it will be. Sometimes being right in the middle of it hinders how you see things clearly. Give yourselves both some space, then you can sit down and talk about it after some distance. I am sure this is not what you want to hear, but it's working for me, and it is hard, really hard, but you will thank yourself for it, and so will she.

[DullLife]

Thanks for the reply, much appreciated.

Yea maybe that is completely for the best. Its really difficult, cause from everything I just think/know all was great between us, there was never any doubt as to weather she had fallen out of love with me, or it was going on a decline.

When I look at it, I think like I may have mentioned above. Everybody in life needs to build a future. Naturally, what we both wanted in life, was to build a career, earn a good wage, get our own place, have kids/get married and really progress our life together. The only problem was due to distance, money and circumstances, It meant, she knows that from what it seems at the moment, either we can both have a career and push out lives forwards, or we can stay together like it was, not be able to offer each other anything new, and not achieve anything in life.

I know maybe is believed that im not seeing things clearly after such a short time apart, but, theres no other reason for the breakup. With other relationship breakups, I have made excuses for why we broke up, but deep down I always knew there was other reasons.

Thats what makes it more difficult. Had we lived down the road from each other, I know that the chances are, we would still be together now, and would be spending the whole day cuddled up (If we were not working, otherwise would be this evening).

The problem, cause of the distance, the more time and space we give it, it seems, the harder its going to be to get a chance to actually sit down together and discuss our options.

Sorry for my mini essay reply.

[cheekxs]

I did my best, but your topic is so annoying. can you not get to the point dfor once//?? dammmmmmmmmmm!

[DullLife]

Not really, because its not something I could of explained shorter.... I could of not gone into detail and put the basic gist of "she ended it, but she loves me and wants to be with me, but she thinks the distance, money and circumstances means being together prevents us from building a future career wise"

but.... I know exactly what the answer to that would be... "Leave her, dont contact her, and just get over her, its her move now" so there would of been no point me posting.

[aesop]

I think I can relate. I've had a few long distance relationships. The amount of time, money, an energy consumed by traveling can be donating. And if some one is feeling that squeeze; trying to push them to spend spend more money and time just exacerbates the issue.

[johndemi]

I think I can relate. I've had a few long distance relationships. The amount of time, money, an energy consumed by traveling can be donating. And if some one is feeling that squeeze; trying to push them to spend spend more money and time just exacerbates the issue.

This only means that long distance relationships are always failure.

[garysmith]

Give her some space after the break-up.The harder you try the situation become more worse and she will definetly walk away. If she says she needs some time, respect her decision. Do not call her every minute of the day.

Don`t ever try to beg her. This is one common thing many people tries but failed to get their girl back. Even if you are actually desperate to win her back, do not turn clingy.

You can present her all over again with flowers, chocolates and letters. But while the gifts can draw a smile, winning her back will require a more personal and sincere efforts.

Make her feel that you are worthy of a second chance. Use the time you have spent apart since the break-up to reflect this.

Think again your qualities that attracts her towards you. Play up your strengths. Become the man she first fell for.

You should figure out what exactly went wrong with your relationship. Think in your head the conversations, and even fights, you had.

After you get to know what went wrong in your relationship, call her for a meet or try to talk to her. You can even take help from your mutual friends in this to arrange a meet for both of you.

When she does agree to a conversation, humbly apologize for your all wrong doings and take responsibility for your actions. Here comes an important step, don`t just stop at sorry, convince her all the way and make her realise that your relationship deserves a second chance.

Do not, however, force the reconciliation. Show her how much you want to be with her. Let everything else fall back into place.Assure her that you will completely respect her decision. Remember, once again you shouldn`t force her at any cost.

Use the above tips, decide your action plan and have guts to show her that you actually loved her very much. She will be definetly yours. Good Luck. Have faith in yourself of making everything right and back into its place.