My emotions and enviroment keep sabotaging myself from ever having a chance for love.

[Argint]

In the area I live in, it seems most common to meet somebody by going to those loud techno parties, get drunk beyond believe and then hope for the best. It's in fact so deeply rooted in this environment that I can't even say 'hi' to somebody in a grocery market without them suspecting me to try to rob them of something. Along this, I absolutely dispise that concept of those techno parties. On so many levels, but to get into them all would be wasting space in this topic.

Due to this problem, it's been one of the leading causes of my depression that I'm constantly alone. It's making me feel like I won't ever be with somebody, that I'm not deserving love or anything physical, that I'm an outcast of society and all those other negative emotions. I'm aware that it's a self fulfilling prophecy, but there's absolutely nothing that I can do about it.

I've pinpointed one of the problems to me being shy. So I made it an effort for about 2 to 3 months to say 'hi' to at least 1 person every day. In that time, maybe 15 said 'hi' to me as well. That's 15 people out of 60-90 that I come across. Those that said 'hi' back weren't even remotely near my age, by the way. It's mostly the elderly or really young ones that do it.

My desire for love is really great. I consider it to be one of the few reasons that would qualify my existence in the first place. So you can imagine how insanely bad I feel about this. Honestly speaking, it's been one of the reasons why I've tried taking my own life in the past.

I know of the arguments that I need to learn how to love myself first and all that and I'm honestly getting along with myself now. It's just that whenever I'm reminded again that if somebody even says 'hi' to me in real life that that's an insanely big rarity and how far that is from even talking to somebody, from even making a friend, or even getting a girlfriend, let alone from that dream. Yet how ****ing easy some people seem to have it, it spins me into this cycle again. And I don't know what the **** to do about it anymore.

[Mish]

In the area I live in, it seems most common to meet somebody by going to those loud techno parties, get drunk beyond believe and then hope for the best. It's in fact so deeply rooted in this environment that I can't even say 'hi' to somebody in a grocery market without them suspecting me to try to rob them of something. Along this, I absolutely dispise that concept of those techno parties. On so many levels, but to get into them all would be wasting space in this topic.

There are a lot more places to meet people than clubs and randomly on the street. If your social circle is too limited you can consider:

1. Picking up a sport activity and looking for people who play regularly
2. Joining a class (a tennis class, dance class, a singing class, you are bound to find new people who are compatible)
3. Picking up an extra activity, volunteer or hobby like music or playing a musical instrument, which you can use to meet new people
4. Enrolling in college or uni
5. Social sites (e.g. meetup.com)

[smackie9]

Mish has it right, you need to enhance your life with activities that make you more of a person. What attracts people is a positive attitude, and a person that has interests that gets them out of the house. This will help you with your isolation issue. Increasing your social interaction is key.