First love, hasn't gone so well

[toknow]

You are very welcome, I'm glad to do it, and I really hope it helps.

Have you thought of maybe traveling with her to another country for a month or two. Sometimes, this gives a person a whole new outlook on life and could cure her depression and completely change her view of getting a sex change. I think depression is basically when a person is confused why they are alive. They don't see the purpose, and a purpose, a goal is very important. And it's important for her to feel valuable, and useful. Another necessary one is, she needs to see progress in her life.

I really think, traveling to another, very different country could completely fix her distorted view of herself and her life at the moment. It's almost like literally getting a new perspective - you are looking at yourself from another viewpoint - you get an effect of almost having a 3rd person view of yourself.

[Cerby]

I think you're both crazy People are within their right to choose how to live their lives, showing her a couple of emails about people who regret it will really only work on someone who isn't sure in the first place.

Is she seeing a councillor through this? I would recommend that if she do if she isn't already, otherwise I'm sure her councillor has already shed light on this.

[toknow]

That's not true, Cerby. Apparently you didn't even read the letters. In one of the cases a sex change patient had wanted it since he was 7 and he went through the whole preparation phase that's 15 months long. Years later he still regrets it. Another he got it, he still regrets it 10 years later. And this are just two cases - there are many cases like these. This is someone's life we are talking about, we're not talking about getting a haircut.

[VincenzoG91]

Maybe I'm horribly old-fashioned about this, but I feel that the desire to be something radically different from what you are... should be treated as mental illness. I'm not talking about a lawyer who wants to become an accountant. More like somebody trying to change their own race or gender. If you're not happy being yourself, you're not going to be happy pretending to be somebody else either. Be yourself, and deal with it.

All that said, it sounds like this Amy is deadset on her course of action. She is unlikely to read the articles or give much weight to any arguments.

[Cerby]

That's not true, Cerby. Apparently you didn't even read the letters. In one of the cases a sex change patient had wanted it since he was 7 and he went through the whole preparation phase that's 15 months long. Years later he still regrets it. Another he got it, he still regrets it 10 years later. And this are just two cases - there are many cases like these. This is someone's life we are talking about, we're not talking about getting a haircut.

You're right about it being someones life, so how does to OP get to make any say in what she does? And I did read the 3 posts, but I chalked them up as low percentage items. Every action someone takes in their life will have some regret for some people, but to assume that EVERYONE will regret the action is foolish and naive. I agree that 7 years down the road (s)he might regret it, but who is the OP to throw it at her that she might regret it? If she has this much conviction about it than the OP doing anything other than being supportive is just an underhanded way of trying to get what he wants. There are undoubtedly more happy people with the procedure than sad ones, and showing her the letters of a few people who regretted it is just a shot in the dark to change her mind.

I understand the OP has feelings and wants her to re-think the procedure, but it isn't up to him to try to change her decision. The harder he stands against it the greater he is disrespecting her own right to make her own choices.

I support what you're saying toknow, but I think in this case the OP is trying to overstep his boundaries.

[TheWalrusNet]

I still agree with Cerby. I haven't and won't show her those letters. every time I even think of doing something other than supporting her I feel like i'm being sneaky and trying to get what I want. I've made sure she's 100% on the decision, and with that said all I can do is hope she's right and doesn't regret it. In the end I want what's best for her and if this is what she truly wants then I support it, even if it does scare me that she might regret it later I can't outright tell her that because it's an insensitive thing to say. I don't have a say in the matter. While I think she's making the wrong decision, I have an obligation to support whatever decision she makes, and put up with it.

Yes she is seeing a councillor, some doctors and some other helpers. I'm sure they've gone into it too, but I don't like to ask about the sessions he has, she doesn't like them and i'd rather not remind her about it.

[toknow]

You must show her these letters, she has to know the risks. And by not showing her this, it's just as if you are hiding the risks. You, would be making a huge mistake not to let her know of this important information. If she regrets it later on, and finds out you had this information and didn't let her know, she'll never forgive you for this. Are you ready to take on such huge responsibility. It's like she's skydiving for the first time, and you are hiding from her the manual where the risks are outlined and casualty cases with details of how it happened. Not right at all to hide this from her. The risks here are much worse in intensity than a happy outcome - meaning if it works out, she'll be happy, but if it doesn't she'll be devastated for life. This is no time to play the supportive boyfriend part, it would be stupid at best. It's like she is jumping from a bridge and you don't know if she'll be hurt, but you are like, I'll support her cause that looks noble. It's not noble, it's stupid! Give me her email, I'll send it to her, she has to know the risks!

[Cerby]

You must show her these letters, she has to know the risks. And by not showing her this, it's just as if you are hiding the risks. You, would be making a huge mistake not to let her know of this important information. If she regrets it later on, and finds out you had this information and didn't let her know, she'll never forgive you for this. Are you ready to take on such huge responsibility. It's like she's skydiving for the first time, and you are hiding from her the manual where the risks are outlined and casualty cases with details of how it happened. Not right at all to hide this from her. The risks here are much worse in intensity than a happy outcome - meaning if it works out, she'll be happy, but if it doesn't she'll be devastated for life. This is no time to play the supportive boyfriend part, it would be stupid at best. It's like she is jumping from a bridge and you don't know if she'll be hurt, but you are like, I'll support her cause that looks noble. It's not noble, it's stupid! Give me her email, I'll send it to her, she has to know the risks!

She is seeing a counsellor, they are professionals at talking about the risks involved. Walrus is well meaning, but he doesn't know the risks, and a couple of letters on a website aren't a way to explain them to her. Walrus, ask her "Has your cousellor gone over the risks with you?" If she answers yes, then there is nothing you need to do other than support her choice. I guarantee the risks have been long gone over, hense the requirement of a trial period of name and persona change before the procedures.

[TheWalrusNet]

No, i'm not supporting her because it's noble. i'm supporting her because it's the right thing to do. i'm sure the counsellor/s have gone over the risks with her many a time. I agree she should know the risks but I don't think I should be the one to tell her them. i'm not an oracle of everything, I think someone with more experience should be doing that. Look, we have some time until this actually happens, when it gets closer to the time I will make sure that she not only knows the risks but some examples of the risks. But for now I don't see the problem in being supportive.

[Cerby]

No, i'm not supporting her because it's noble. i'm supporting her because it's the right thing to do. i'm sure the counsellor/s have gone over the risks with her many a time. I agree she should know the risks but I don't think I should be the one to tell her them. i'm not an oracle of everything, I think someone with more experience should be doing that. Look, we have some time until this actually happens, when it gets closer to the time I will make sure that she not only knows the risks but some examples of the risks. But for now I don't see the problem in being supportive.

Good on ya, I think it is the right move.

[cheekxs]

Where are you from?

And its sound to me like a very dark story this one. i for shore believe she have a lot of issues.
and i think she need JEsus. Only God can guide her in the right direction.

Its not okay and normal for someone to want to change their selfs.
and it make no sense. cause there are things inside you that are like that.
you cant change them like your dna.

I think you are weird 2. For keep hanging with someone that want to do that.
Most people would be like: oh no i dont want to be around this one. And why did she did not tel me this early.

I think u got issues 2, to be hanging with her . she need to find more professional help!
Cause her behavior is not healthy.
And why are her parents horrible? cause they dont agree with her choice?

[toknow]

Walrus, I'm talking about the risks of regretting it right now, though there are other risks, too. Don't listen to Cerby, he has no clue what he is talking about and his life isn't on the line, so he is careless as he can be about this. I can bet you her counselor will never show her letters of sex change patients who've changed their minds and regretted it. SHE NEEDS TO KNOW, that those people, like her felt it was the right thing to do for a long time, yet now they regret it and they've had counselors, too. You have no right to keep this information from her, man! You are responsible to let her know this!

[Cerby]

Walrus, I'm talking about the risks of regretting it right now, though there are other risks, too. Don't listen to Cerby, he has no clue what he is talking about and his life isn't on the line, so he is careless as he can be about this. I can bet you her counselor will never show her letters of sex change patients who've changed their minds and regretted it. SHE NEEDS TO KNOW, that those people, like her felt it was the right thing to do for a long time, yet now they regret it and they've had counselors, too. You have no right to keep this information from her, man! You are responsible to let her know this!

You're right, don't listen to me, I know nothing about this, but hey, I read, and I tried. Apparently toknow has more on the line than I do here (not sure how)? My argument was no less valid and I'm glad we're in agreement about supporting her and letting the professionals point out the risks. Shame on you toknow, losing the issue so taking shots at other people pitching their opinion. What do you think the OP is going to accomplish by showing her those letters? A profound change in her desires, or just anger towards him?

[TheWalrusNet]

In my opinion, I think if I show her those letters now, without any reason to do so, she'll only be angry at me and feel as if i'm trying to change her mind for my own gain, if I show her leading up to the operation itself they can be shown with more genuine concern. that said I still think that the professionals will have shown her the risks, if they didn't, what's the point of them being there? she isn't seeing just one councillor she's seeing several, because of the severity of her position, if she's seeing several and NONE of them pointed out the risks then she should definately be seeing someone else. toknow I respect what you have to say but that's no reason to get angry at cerby, it's not my responsibility to let her know this, if that was the case then it's every single one of her friend's responsibility too, i'm in no different a place to them.

cheekxs thankyou for your input, but she isn't religious. She has plenty of professional help. Her parents are horrible because they were abusive, and are about the least supportive and friendly people i've ever met. on top of all of these problems she has to deal with her mother coming in and shouting at her, saying it's entirely her fault and that she'll never achieve anything. and almost purposely putting her out of her comfort zone by inviting lots of family members around at once (she has a phobia of people/large groups) when they should be doing everything they can to help.

[cheekxs]

i think people that do that have a mental, eemotianal, spiritual, problem and they try to take it on their body