Is she Intrested? Going crazy (women help pls)

[phil007]

Thanks in advance for the reading the long post.

Just to give me a bit of history, I work in the same building as this girl, different company though.
I spotted her around 3-4 months ago and when we passed each other we would smile and say "hi etc" I wasnt sure if she was single or not or even intrested in me in the slightest, i was also having issues "bumping into her" so i asked the food lady to find out and if she was single to get her number.
She gave her, her number and said she like to go for a drink with me. As you can imagine i was totally made up. I had to go away for a week with work so i texted her while i was away so she had my number and she texted me to say she was on away meeting friends, (she is a aussie living here for 1.5 years)

So i called her and we went on our first date.
The date was amazing and we instantly hit it off. We talked all night and had so much in common. Ive never been on a first date like this before and she stayed at mine that night. (we didnt have sex, just kisses and cuddles), when we woke in the morning we both agreed it was a great evening and how good it felt to wake with some one. (shes been single 3 years, ive been single 9 months).
The next day we texted all day and spoke on the phone for hours and agreed to meet up the following day.
We went to a nice restaurant and again had an great evening and agreed to meet up again in a few days time to catch a movie.
3rd date all good, and i said i would take her out at the weekend (4th date) and surprise her, just said what to wear because it was a out doors thing. Again this was ok, she stayed again (no sex, if this even matters)

Then i had to go away with work again for another week, I tried to call her and offer he a lift in and say our good byes etc. She didnt answer (she is a nightmare for answering the phone, she said this on the first date when all was good)
She emailed me in the morning saying she didnt have credit to call me back for me to call her to say when im going and she would meet up with me quickly. ( we both at work now)
I emailed her from the airport stating how much i enjoyed the pass week, realising it was a bit intense but had a great time. She mailed me back saying all was ok and to let her know i arrived safely. I mailed her back saying i did and i would call her in a few days.

I called her 3 days after and she didnt answer the phone, because of the time difference i didnt want to stay up really late so mailed her saying i called and that i would try again the next night, she replied she had no credit in her phone still to call me back and to call her.
I called again the next night and again no answer. mailed her again saying i would try again the next night. She mailed me back saying she was sorry she missed me call and that she had been busy and had friends australia turn up unexpected.
Before i had read this mail, i had called her rung 4 times and on 4th attempt she did answer and she was really upset with me on the phone, saying she was homesick and that having her friends here was such a massive deal to her and she couldnt commit to anything with me (dates). I said i understood and was happy to take a back seat. Reassured her everything would be ok etc
I didnt call/email for the rest of the weekend, i arrived home on the following monday and text to say i was home. No reply, i then bumped into her in the lobby and we had a 10 min chat, she said the same as before stating she was really busy. I guess I felt a bit insecure about this and asked her if she wanted to carry on seeing me? she said yes but i didnt feel convinced.
The next day i text her asking her to confirm the above and again reassured her saying i was happy to take a back seat. No reply ( No credit still) but stated if you dont have credit, email me!
I then emailed her the next day apologising for the text and asked if she understood.
She replied back to me saying she understood and it was ok, saying she was extremly busy and if i can understand we could say friends, she wanted all her time with her friends etc, i didnt do anything wrong and doesnt like pressure.
I replied back saying no worries and that im happy to remain as friends, we got on well and didnt want to lose that and would happily go see the movie we said we would see or go visit somewhere together.
I got her a gift from my bussiness trip, silly token present and that i wanted her to have it since it was made for her.

From this point i assumed it was over or would be over. I was gutted because i couldnt understand why but happy because i new where i stood.
She then mailed me back saying we could "maybe" go to the movies in a few weeks and she would try and meet up with me this week ( i guess to get the gift, i asked her to accept), stating i didnt have to get her a gift (but people always says this) and she would email me soon. This was 5 days ago. I mailed her back yesterday saying all is cool basically, reinterating how i got the gift, (wasnt expensive, more thoughtful, something she would apprietiate etc)

What i cant understand is how someone can be so into me for 1 week, i was so into her as well. more then ive ever been before in such a small space of time. I had girl friends and such before so im not like a nerd or anything, but everything fitted like a glove, it was perfect.
Then i go away and it all changes.
Now i would of been happy with a lunch date/text email saying she was thinking of me. etc. But i guess im thinking of me and not her?


Normally i wouldnt be so fussed, but i know she is the one, i cant get her out of my head and its effecting me in ways i cant explain. I know she needs time but how much? I know if i let her go i'll regret it forever.

Does this sound like a blow off, because i cant understand what i did wrong or how its changed into this situation.

[Cerby]

What is it with guys turning into wimps after the first few dates? Your problem here is that you tried to get what you wanted, she said she was busy, and then you got into the communicating and apologizing for it loop. Insecurity is incredibly unattractive for both men and women, and you showed some major insecurity when communicating with this woman.

She was giving mixed signals, at that point you should have pretty much told her that you're interested, and if/when she is ready to date you, she can contact you. I think she might have had a simple change of heart, and that was the end of it.

I'm not sure how old you are, but this tip is important - do not spend the night with a woman you're dating until you're planning on having sex with her. The cuddling thing all night for some reason doesn't lead to long term success.

[phil007]

Hi,

Thanks for that advice.
Well im 35 and she is 30 so its not like we are kids.
I realise im sounding like a wimp, i dunno how to explain it really. If i was giving advice to a friend i would of said pretty much what you would of said to some degree.
The issues is im not 100% sure ive lost her and not ready to give up lets say that.
I know i need to give her space, thats for sure but why do women never just come out and say what they mean?
She was telling me after the 1st date that " she really liked me" we even talked about going away for the weekend etc.

This is why im confused, because normally i would say, maybe there is someone else? but im 100% sure there isnt.
I know there is this strong connection with her home country and people from it and she has explained this to me even on the first date, i can only imagine how it feels to pack your bags and move and start a new life in a new country without any friends, family or even a job. She is really independant.
I cant help thinking what if her friends hadnt of turned up early. I know they was going to visit in a months time (they touring europe) Or even maybe she is lieing about these friends?

My head tells me to walk away, my heart tells me.....

[phil007]

update, i saw her this morning, we had a random chat, both was running late for work etc. She told me about her night our last night with her friends, at the end of the conversation she said she would see me soon.
Im like think wtf? is she playing with my head, am i reading into to much, she never said things like this before. Is this just something you say or is she serious about meeting soon?

[Boisdevie]

Well im 35 and she is 30 so its not like we are kids.

Sounds like you're both pretty repressed. You're both adults and shared a bed and had kisses and cuddles. Sounds like you're not exactly horny for each other.

[phil007]

was the first week of dating and the first date? I dont really think its bad that we didnt have sex. Infact i kinda respected that, if it was more then a few weeks i would agree for sure.

[phil007]

can anyone help with some decent advice?

[Cerby]

can anyone help with some decent advice?

You're still not understanding the basics of the first date, cuddling and kissing all night isn't apart of that, and shouldn't happen. But lets put that aside and see what we can figure out for advice.

First, stop analyzing what she said about "see you soon" and just take it as a good sign instead of something to beat to death. Today is Thursday, too late to arrange for a weekend date (unless Sunday is available to you). I'd recommend calling her up, asking her out for dinner, and going from there. DO NOT bring up the past few weeks of insecurity and instead treat the date like nothing odd ever happened. Act like it was totally fine that she was busy and you don't care.

Play it with confidence, and you might have some success. But if you over-analyze the sh*t out of everything she says, you'll eventually find a way to view it negatively, whether it was intended or not.

[phil007]

Hi,

Thanks for trying to help, well I would happily call if I new she would answer. Even when she wanted me to call she some howould miss that.
I just want to repair what damage I did and then try and get back what we was starting 0

The issue is I don't know if her friends Are still here, originally she said they can be around up to September.
Her last mail to me said " I will stay in contact with you and in a few weeks maybe we can see that film"

So I guess I need to be cool and wait or push some?

[Cerby]

Hi,

Thanks for trying to help, well I would happily call if I new she would answer. Even when she wanted me to call she some howould miss that.
I just want to repair what damage I did and then try and get back what we was starting 0

The issue is I don't know if her friends Are still here, originally she said they can be around up to September.
Her last mail to me said " I will stay in contact with you and in a few weeks maybe we can see that film"

So I guess I need to be cool and wait or push some?

If she was interested, she would make the time. Sorry man, but everything you tell us is indicative of someone who just isn't looking for a relationship, or not looking for one with you. Either way, the deck is stacked against you, so have some pride and leave her alone, if she wants you, she'll contact you.

[toknow]

Interesting, about her friends. Maybe one of her so called friends was her ex, you would be surprised. That could make her go cold towards you fast.

Another thing, if she was that into you and she didn't know she had you wrapped around her little finger, no amount of friends would make her diss you like she did.

She basically knows she has you when she needs you, so she isn't trying.

Show some respect for yourself. You really need to act, like she is important, BUT there are plenty like her out here. Seriously, if you don't feel confident that you are a great catch, imagine it. Just imagine it for a week, that you are much better looking and better catch than her, even if you don't feel that way, and that she is the one who needs to be running after you. Once you get into that mode, hopefully you will act accordingly. Come on, there are soooo many women that you will see just like her, it really doesn't do you any good to think of her as the only girl for you even if she is, because you will shrivel and mess it up. Focus on yourself, and how good looking you are. Be happy, and care free. Think of something funny and nice.

I've had several experiences where just smiling at them even when I didn't mean it, made girls act in some crazy ways. It's funny how it works, they really respond to a smile even though it wasn't meant for them. One time I was at a traffic light and I was having a great day, and was smiling just thinking of it. I just looked to my left and there was a woman with what seemed to be her daughter. The daughter smiled back at me thinking I was smiling at her I guess and they followed me across two lanes of 5pm traffic all the way to my gym I was going and drove by me to talk to me. Another time, I was getting a burger from a drive through (lol) and was listening to the radio, some guy said something kind of dumb and I couldn't stop smiling and laughing under my smile. There were two girls in the car in front of me, and they thought I was smiling at them. They kept looking back at me and after they got their food instead of driving off they parked to talk to me. There are more times of this misunderstanding happening, but I'm not going to go into other examples. It was hilarious because I wasn't even trying to have an effect on them, yet was getting this crazy reaction.

So, don't be her rug, show her you respect and value yourself.

[phil007]

I know your totally right, I'm just pissed because 1 week all good, everything looking like a future etc.
Go away 1 week and come back and it's like that 1st week never happen.

I just can't understand and what makes it worse is I can't even challenge the reason why.
That's the thing I can't take, if I complain I'm needy, if I ask to speak to her face to face in putting pressure.
You know maybe after a month I wouldn't even be interested. In just annoyed by the whole episode. To the point where I wish we didn't even go out.
Don't get me wrong I wanted and still do want to see where this could of gone. But I know your all right in saying that if she wanted it as well it would of been on no matter what.
Women eh !

[toknow]

Again, stick to plan A and I almost guarantee you, you will see her treat you differently. Let me know what happens. Hopefully there won't be need for plan B...lol.

[phil007]

Hey,
I spoke with her at work today, gave her that gift. She totally loved it.
She admitted to being a total bitch (her words) and more or less said sorry. The conversation went really well and we will try and catch that movie next weekend.
She said she would text me this weekend.
Atm im just going to leave it for her to run after me for a bit.
I feel i'm back in there, but how things was before Im unsure how to proceed.
Am i doing the right things now?

[phil007]

any advice?