How to make her see?

[friendlybee]

Hello everyone, first time post here, I hope this topic will be a good one. As you'll probably figure out quickly from reading this post, I'm more of the "nice guy" type of person, and have little experience in matters of love (and the experience I do have is outdated by quite a few years). I'm not the one to fall head over heels for someone on a whim, and I usually weigh the pros and cons of a relationship along with its chances of success very conservatively because, well, I suck when it comes to rejection, and I also feel that a "relationship" should be more meaningful than just dating for three months then breaking up. This probably explains why I am here right now posting this, but I guess it could be worse. Anyway.

I'm interested in this girl, I see her often (we take the bus together, go to uni and both attend a few lectures together, we talk and know each other a bit etc..) and I've started trying to get closer to her after a long month of contemplation. She is quite shy.

I'm pretty sure she likes me too but, the trouble is, she is quite busy - study and extracurriculars - and I can understand that she isn't willing to commit to a relationship and is confused/indecisive. She's very lively and smart and I really like her and want to have us share some great moments that she'll never get to experience if she never attempts to interact socially outside the university. Is it wrong to think like this by the way? I'm not exactly an expert in this domain but I just feel a relationship could benefit us both in many ways (going on intuition here, i.e. not much). I mean, what other goal could there possibly be?

So my main question is, how can I make her see that there is more to life than just routine, in a gentle way which wouldn't force her into anything? I am turning 19 and she is 17, and my birthday is in a week if this can help somehow (and she said she'd make me a cake :D). Conventional methods like scheduling a movie date are failing here because she just has too much to do over the weekend, like soccer, study club and of course the neverending stream of assignments - and this is not a criticism, I am busy too - but it's difficult for me to work out something alone and she is either not taking the hint or choosing to ignore it out of fear (or maybe I am the one not taking the hint that I should go away, but if that is the case she needs to look up "mixed signals" in the dictionary). What would be something acceptable and not too suggestive to do in the free time we have, that wouldn't creep her out or make her feel uneasy, any ideas?

And does anybody have advice on how to deal with this in general? And am I doing too much or being too idealistic or controlling? I seriously have no idea how to proceed at this point. I need some guidance here, and any requests for additional information are welcome. I realise this is a lot for one post but this situation is starting to take its mental toll on me.

Thanks loveforum!~

[Boisdevie]

You need to know where you stand. Ask her out on a date. Make sure she knows it's a date. If she says no then she's not interested.
And often the 'she's shy', 'she's really busy' are really so much crap. If you're into somebody then you can find time to be with them.

[iamaninnocentma]

yeah listen to the frog. You dont get thanked 40 times in 36 posts without knowing your shit.

[friendlybee]

You need to know where you stand. Ask her out on a date. Make sure she knows it's a date. If she says no then she's not interested.
And often the 'she's shy', 'she's really busy' are really so much crap. If you're into somebody then you can find time to be with them.

I already did ask her to the movies once, she said she couldn't right now (= when I texted her like a week ago) and told me she'd come back to me. Am I supposed to wait the hell out of it now?

[Boisdevie]

yeah listen to the frog. You dont get thanked 40 times in 36 posts without knowing your shit.

41 times mon ami

[Boisdevie]

I already did ask her to the movies once, she said she couldn't right now (= when I texted her like a week ago) and told me she'd come back to me. Am I supposed to wait the hell out of it now?

No, you're supposed to realise that she is not interested. Would you prefer that she was really honest and just told you to **** off?

[iamaninnocentma]

41 times mon ami

Make that 42 encule.

[Boisdevie]

I think you'll fnd the word you're looking for is 'enculé'.

[iamaninnocentma]

I think you'll fnd the word you're looking for is 'enculé'.

Putain Francais le buffon.

[Boisdevie]

Most impressed. Being able to insult in two languages is pretty good going. Almost as good as my ex GF who managed to insult me in English, French AND Polish. Now that's really impressive.

[friendlybee]

No, you're supposed to realise that she is not interested. Would you prefer that she was really honest and just told you to **** off?

Thanks, that was brutal and made me feel a whole lot better. Heh, it's not like I was expecting anything to change, I've never had much success in these.. dating.. things. Sigh. I don't know wtf I did wrong so I can't even improve myself. But I guess that's part of the game, if you suck at it, you suck for life and deal with it etc...