Am I in an emotional abusive relationship?

[Katezz]

So it's 4 o' clock in the morning as I'm writing this, please pardon my grammar mistakes.

He is very quiet in public, rarely speaks. But at home, he can be very pushy (e.g. if I don't answer a question because I'm tired and want to sleep, he will push till I'm answering even if that means staying up all night.) If I'm not with him, he checks where I am, with who and what I am doing. (He always knows somehow..)
Sexually, he's very pushy and get's angry easily if I don't give what he wants.

I am always the one to blame and he has a way of making me feel very and very guilty. He talks behind my back with his friends, I was in so many fights with them, most of the time female friends where they would just yell at me that I am the one to blame, crazy, ugly and what not.
I have given up all my guy friends, because he wanted me to. I try my best but he never thanked me for anything, if he's mad he'll just ignore me.

If I don't answer his texts, he will get angry with me and it will turn into one huge fight. I just don't know what to say then, so I'll just be quiet but if I don't answer he'll get angry.

He never believes me, he is very jealous and sarcastic he also sometimes threatens with attempting suicide.

I don't want to denigrate, he can be a great man too. He has kind words and promises. He says he understands me and wants to give me everything I could ever ask for and that no man will ever love me like him.

But this has been going on for several years now, and it's starting to get to me. Am I in a emotional abusive relationship? If so, what should I do? Or am I just overreacting?
Ps; >IF< I'm in an emotional abusive relationship, I definitely want to break up. But I am scared that he will attempt suicide, or that I will never find another man that will love me..
Pss; I'm sorry for the length of this question.

[VincenzoG91]

Yes, you are in an emotionally abusive relationship. Even if he was otherwise perfectly normal, the suicide threats are very abusive. He also pushes and pushes until you give into his demands. He controls your access to your friends and constantly monitors your location. Lady, you're basically in prison. He has even torn down your self-esteem to the point where you don't think that any other man could ever love you.

I'm going to tell you a secret: he doesn't love you. Love isn't about control or uncompromising demands. Love is respect and trust. He definitely doesn't trust you because he felt the need to chase away all your male friends and check up on you all the time. Yeah, sometimes he is nice to you, when you behave like a good little girl. The really sick part of the cycle of abuse is that he soon gets bored with treating you nice, and starts looking forward to the next incident where he can emotionally abuse you. Even if your behavior is perfect, he will look for an excuse to flip out again, to shame you and control you and revel in your tears and apologies.

If you're lucky, maybe he really will kill himself when you leave him. More likely, he will try to make your life as miserable as possible until you go back to him. Don't do that, he's a crappy excuse for a human being. Get friends and family to help you out with an exit plan. Figure out a place where you can go, and a way to get your stuff out while he isn't around. Here in Minnesota, you can easily get a temporary restraining order that gives you 48 hours to move your stuff out while he is forced to stay away. Maybe the laws aren't as good where you live, but there are probably local agencies or organizations that can help you with temporary shelter, legal advice, and maybe even a free cell phone to borrow.

[IndiReloaded]

Any relationship that makes you feel worse in it than out = unhealthy. Yes, you need to leave. If it helps you to label your relationship as emotionally abusive, fine. I hope you aren't hoping to use our confirmation to tell him this and hope he will change. He won't. He doesn't love you, as Vince says. That's not a reflection on you, he doesn't love himself. Take back your power, your self-esteem and leave. Whatever choices he makes (or doesn't) is his to make.

[tipster]

I understand how hard it is to be in such relationship. It is indeed emotional abuse & emotional blackmailing. Plus, it is easy for rest of us to say to just break up since it this could come with lots of mental torture caused by your boyfriend. Specially cause he is a manipulative kind. From my experience what I can tell is nothing is more valuable than your freedom. But there are men & women out there who are total control freaks who are always ready to fight & argue to make other person scared & bullied. Yes he is kind and sweet at times but at what price? I have asked this question many times in my relationship but for me it was already too late.

About him being suicidal? You cannot blame yourself if he does something to harm himself & put it on you. No matter how selfish it may sound but you cannot kill your happiness for his. I honestly don't believe that he will do anything to take his life. From my life experience, people killing themselves for another person in love only happens in movies.

[Petit Papillon]

So it's 4 o' clock in the morning as I'm writing this, please pardon my grammar mistakes.

He is very quiet in public, rarely speaks. But at home, he can be very pushy (e.g. if I don't answer a question because I'm tired and want to sleep, he will push till I'm answering even if that means staying up all night.) If I'm not with him, he checks where I am, with who and what I am doing. (He always knows somehow..)
Sexually, he's very pushy and get's angry easily if I don't give what he wants.

I am always the one to blame and he has a way of making me feel very and very guilty. He talks behind my back with his friends, I was in so many fights with them, most of the time female friends where they would just yell at me that I am the one to blame, crazy, ugly and what not.
I have given up all my guy friends, because he wanted me to. I try my best but he never thanked me for anything, if he's mad he'll just ignore me.

If I don't answer his texts, he will get angry with me and it will turn into one huge fight. I just don't know what to say then, so I'll just be quiet but if I don't answer he'll get angry.

He never believes me, he is very jealous and sarcastic he also sometimes threatens with attempting suicide.

I don't want to denigrate, he can be a great man too. He has kind words and promises. He says he understands me and wants to give me everything I could ever ask for and that no man will ever love me like him.

But this has been going on for several years now, and it's starting to get to me. Am I in a emotional abusive relationship? If so, what should I do? Or am I just overreacting?
Ps; >IF< I'm in an emotional abusive relationship, I definitely want to break up. But I am scared that he will attempt suicide, or that I will never find another man that will love me..
Pss; I'm sorry for the length of this question.

Dump his pathetic ass before he destroys you completely and it will be soon. It's an emotional vampire and it's obviously killing you. Learn to love YOURself first, cause others might use the fact that you love others before yourself and it may do you harm. You have to understand that such constant bad treatment will do something to your head and it probably did already. Leave and don't look back. Remember than everywhere around the world people break up and it's not the end of the world for them. You can find a new happiness somewhere else, just have to do the first step.
Good luck.

[magguu]

The only guaranteed thing in your life for the next two years is a very hard time. The hard times will end in two years if you breakup now, else it will continue.

I am so sorry that you need to ask whether this is abusive or not. You probably need much more help than is possible from a forum and/or anonymous friends. And there is no question about what steps you need to take -- first and foremost - the breakup. After that never give in to any of his emotional blackmail. Don't even try to listen to him. Just shut him off totally. To do that you have to find a way to ignore everything about him for at least 6 months after the breakup.

Practically everybody has said this part ... easier said than done. I dont know really what to suggest you but let me do the best I can --

Do you have some very close friend ? Your siblings or parents maybe close to you ... find someone on whom you can trust. Confide in them everything. Request them to be patient with you when you are troubled. Tell them that you are breaking up a very very abusive relationship. Ask them to take you in their home for about 1 year. If possible change your city. Maybe change your job and/or everything which is possible to change about your life.

If the above sounds like detoxication/rehabilitation ... it is. He is a diseased person and has made you diseased too. I wish you speedy recovery.

[cheekxs]

You know you are in that kind of relationship. I would not even call it relationship. You are in a abuse-ship.
And you have low self esteem and he knows that thats why he treat you like that and brush it off with the words he will give you this and that
more then every men can give to you.

He gives you noting. he breaks you so he can satisfy himself.
He dont even like you. he is just abusing you for his pleasure its fun to him.
Its a sick mentally ill men.

I think you are stupid to even stay one more minute with this pig.
What do you care what he may do to himself. Thats not your problem. Get out of there break it up. Before he do someting to YOU!

Its a sick figure so i think he may be one of those guys that will stalk you 2 after the break up.

THERE is not even a friendship there. He see you as something to use and abuse.
No men that even just like a girl will gossip and treat her like that.

You shore can find better men.
And after the break up dont date anymore. But go work on you self esteem and love yourself and then you can look for other to love you.

[cheekxs]

And thats a very good advice tell your closest people (parents,sister,brother,) all that you are telling us.

So you can have support 2.

And once you decide to leave leave for real and dont look back or go back!
Cause if you leave and keep contact with him or go back it will be worse then before.

[Katezz]

First of all, thank you for your answer.

I already broke up with him a few years ago, but he kinda stalked me for 3 years. (texting me in the middle of the night, kept texting till I would answer. Checking my Facebook, even though I deleted him everywhere. But then he would start mailing me etc) He started promising me he would treat me better, and yes I was stupid enough to believe it.

After, 4 years he didn't change it only got worse. After it started to get physical I decided to ask you guys if I was overreacting or not. (maybe he had a reason to be mad at me, maybe he had a reason to treat me this way.) I guess I'm not.
I regret that I threw so many years away, but he promised me so many beautiful things and yes I was stupid enough to stick around and wait for something that would never happen.
I got sucked in but honestly I don't know how to get out.

[smackie9]

Do not alert him that you are leaving him, but alert your family and very close friends. Wait til he goes to work, and quickly pack up your stuff, even have friends help you with this, and get out as quickly as you can. Stay with relatives, possibly someone he doesn't know or all that well. Delete any email accounts, FB and other networking accounts, throw your phone away. Also alert your boss and co-workers that he may come around looking for you. Have them tell him you are not there and if he insists looking for you, have them call the police. If he stalks you or harasses you, get a restraining order against him so that if he comes in contact with you, he goes to jail. Don't buy that suicide crap, he wouldn't go through it, he is manipulative and uses it as a weapon. If he does commit suicide, that is not your problem. It is up to his family and the authorities to deal with, not you.

[IndiReloaded]

I got sucked in but honestly I don't know how to get out.

You. just. leave.

I've left an abusive relationship. It really is that simple, especially since you don't have kids. Women in far worse situations than yours leave, so you can too. But you have to love yourself enough to give up the dream and face reality.