Feeling so used!!!

[Pinky88]

Hello,

I am new to this site so here goes...

I am in my mid twenties and I have been SEeing this man for a year and a half now!!

It started out as casually sleeping together but then turned into a lot more and these days we
Are spending most nights with each other!!!

He still after all this time won't comit to me... HIS PAST!!! He was with his ex for 7 years and have
A house together which they are trying to sell. They have been split up now for over 2 years yet he
Is still not over her.. The break hit him REALLY badly and he even tried to end his life!!

When I first started seeing him he would talk about her ell the time and I would listen and help him
I suppose!! Now he doesn't speak of her much just when he does he is very bitter!!

We have told each other we love one another but he says he can't commit to me as he is afraid it will
All go wrong and he can't go through that again.

Even though he says this to me I am stupid enough to carry on seeing him beacuse I love him much.
I am being a real mug arnt I?
From time to time he will have a male melt down and say he can't see me no more course it's not fair
On me but then everything goes back to normal!!

Last night he was drunk and he started crying saying he's sorry and he's been lying and that he still loves
Her as well as me!!! I haven't heard from him since...

I used to be such a strong person but when it comes to him I can't walk away...

Advice please... I feel mentally drained from it all.

Thank you

[cheekxs]

Hhahahahahahhaah, even thou i think some of the storys here may be real.
Sometimes its like im reading a romance, action, porn book with 10000 of chapters.

Sorry by that tho i had to say that one.

Okay, i think like said in a other topic about divorced or people going true divorce its a wrong start.
Marriage is made for life. (till dead do us part says the pastor also when you are before the altar remember?!!).
So when it ends in a divorce it brings a lot pain and frustration with it.
Cause thats not the reason its made. But we know there are situations where it happen. and sometimes its
the best thing to do if it wasn't done on the right conditions and if there is things like abuse.

Even tho still God made it for 2 people to do it in the rite condition and for till dead.
I hope you understand what im saying.

So, when someone is going true a divorce its something big.
Someone said once divorce is like you are graving for someone , but the hard thing is the person
is not dead and you cant have him/her.
So its a time of emotional pain and stuff. So the divorced person( and people that break up also) need to take a periode of
break so they can find themselves and heal.

Dating people will only make it all big mess. Cause they have to deal with their pain and emotion and also deal with what you feel and
the feelings of hurt and pain that comes up during their healing period.

And you will have to take a lot of crap , unfair also if you run into something with some one like that.
He knows it also and is telling you. But you dont listing.
He needs support. And i think he can better find it from his parents,family and friends,psycoloog if its needed.

Cause you and him dont know how to place witch emotion right now.
Some will come out of frustration and other maybe cause he dont feel that much as you want for you.

And if he tells me he loves his wife i can believe it. But if you tell me he loves you i think that's a joke. Cause
you cant love someone in that short period. Love is not a feeling . its something that CAN grow with time.
Maybe he likes you . But not love! The word is to big to be use right now i think.

And if he tells you he loves his wife. What are you doing there then? Helping him loving her more?
If he tells you that i think your job there most be done already.
And shore he tak a lot about his wife and cry and all of that, what did you tough? that divorce makes one happy?
All that is part of the healing proces. And it will take all the time it need and that he gives it to heal or not.
So its not something you can say its over after a week. I think it will take him a year or more to stand little more stronger.

And by jumping into the life of a divorced men, you may end the same as his wife.
Cause you did not come in his life the right moment. So you barely know who he is and why he ended up in a divorce.
rIGHT NOW YOU ARE his comfort and support. So there will be less focus on you and him.
He need his space even tho he keep coming to you.
But its your life ! so..

[cheekxs]

* graving =mourn