I dont know what I want

[MrsG]

I met my husband when I was 17, married at 18.. 2 children and 7 years down the line I am starting to wonder why I am doing this, I dont agree with any of his views, despite being a fantastic father he can be very controlling over me, not like telling me what I can and cant do but making me feel bad which results in me making the choice he prefers, and this would be that I devote every minute to the home and family.
I am unable to have friends because he doesnt like the people I choose, he say they try leading me into a single way of life, taking me away from the family.
I then choose to loose the friends because it makes my life at home easier.

He drinks alot, sometimes although not often he will become extremely angry and say some horrible things to me, he brings up my dead relatives, degrading me and my birth family, he calls me some awful things too and it always comes to the point that we say we will split up but then a day later everything is fine again.

I dont think I love him like I should, I love him as in would never wish ill will on him and would strive to make him happy, being the father of my children I imagine I should feel this way but I cannot help want to enjoy my life freely without being tied to one man, Im young and I have never had my chance to enjoy myself, meet new people, experiance different things.
He is not very keen on working, (and doesnt work) and makes my work very difficult to do also with his mind games, he gets very upset over silly things and he always disaproves of anything I do/like.
Im not sexually attracted to him, if anything I am sexually attracted to other men!

He on the other hand say he loves me and never want to be apart from me, he say his life would be over if I left him.

I feel trapped, I cannot find the strength to leave and I am not sure why and how to fix it.
Someone told me to get angry and stay angry, but I fail to do this I just end up letting his behaviour make me unhappy.
I dont want to be old regretting not enjoying my life nor do I want to be old and regretting divorcing my husband.

[deepd61]

i think you should talk with him, it was a long time to your marriage and at this time you should know all about your husband.

[haxan]

When you get married that young, you don't know anything else. I guess you're getting the 7 year itch. You're not saying very much good about your relationship; he's controlling, doesn't have a career and you're not attracted to him anymore. Tough to work on that. At least he's a good father.

You're still pretty young. I think you have to seriously look if your life would be better without him. If it would, then why throw it away being miserable? I doubt he's going to change, or your feelings become more intense and intimate for him, so it's up to you. What do you want to do with the rest of your life.

[Boisdevie]

I feel trapped, I cannot find the strength to leave

Then you really are up sh1t creek aren't you? Either have the guts to leave what seems like an utterly pointless marriage or stop complaining and get on with it.

[cheekxs]

thats why you have to stick on your age and dont run before it!you was very young when u married!did not take the time to see how controling he was then.he can advice u, but cant force u!and getting drunk is a huge problem!the kids hear ans see and feel the tention!for real!what is this teaching them?this will also effect their choice of partner later!have a real serious talk with him when he is normal!with a consequences if he dont change his behavior!

[Pinkjacob]

Have you tried talking to him? My husband has left me and I love him very much, he was similar age when we got together and I was 6 years older, we have two children also and have been together 7years also. I admit I did drink way too much and way too often, but since he left I have had chance to reflect on how I was and how I treat him, I wasn't fair to him. In fact your situation is scarily similar to mine only the opposite way round! I have changed my outlook on life, I have quit drinking, I am receiving councelling, I am losing weight and starting a gym, I wish I could have changed all these things before he left, but maybe it was him leaving that really brought me to my senses. I actually know that if he ever did come back, I would be totally different to how I have been before, I feel like a new person now, but I don't know if I will ever get the chance to show him that don't throw away 7years, you have so much together, and it is a fact that people in long term relationships fall in and out then back in love all the time. People get complacent. I see now exactly how wrong I was in my treatment to him, I should have appreciated him more and shown him how much he meant to me. Please try talking to your husband, maybe he has changed too now. It has to be worth a try, you made this family together, don't break it p without giving it everything you possibly can. I really hope this helps you and good luck x

[lylufy]

I see you so stress with your relationship now ! You want to split up but that seem a way to escape from your trouble.
Actually, did you ask yourself to face with it, find the way to deal with it? Did you show him any complaint or reflex actions before?
May be yes, is it enough? Do you know this " A beat is also a Love" ! you treat badly to someone sometime can be a good thing for them.
Along time beside him, you can not find the attraction, love, happiness, right?
And you think because of him. But also because of you, too.
Put you in his position to understand his feeling ! Try your best !