14 Months of Happiness Gone After One Stupid Action....

[Mr Soft]

You're kind of right there Smackie, but it was the other way round. I went to the bar to buy us a drink and she told me to meet her over at the sofa in the corner, but she spotted two guys that she knew and stood chatting to them for ages, leaving me sat waiting holding her drink, so I went over and reminded her she was out with me. We then went off to dance and I was dancing with some guys and girls I knew, one of whom was my brother, she was there with us, then she was gone.

None of this really matters though, what matters is that I carried out a stupid act, mainly because I just wanted her to come home, it wasn't aggression aimed at her, just a release in the direction of an object, but it will have scared her for sure and I hate myself for it.

We had a great relationship prior to this and she is the absolute, 100%, love of my life, which is why I feel so terrible.

[searock]

Ok so, OP, how do you explain the fact that she just left you there, and didn't want you to join her?

[smackie9]

see these details are important because they paint a different picture each time something else is added. We can't help you if you don't give us this information. We are still working around why she left. We can only guess.......

[Mr Soft]

You have all the information now.

I'm hoping to find out exactly why she left, who she was with this evening when we go for our final coffee.

This is an awful feeling, I can't eat, can't sleep, just can't believe it's over.

[Mr Soft]

Ok so, OP, how do you explain the fact that she just left you there, and didn't want you to join her?

I guess she could've been annoyed because I was dancing around and not taking notice of her for twenty minutes or so.

She left with some guys, one of whom is the father of her child, but he's cool, he's a neighbour of mine and we actually get on well, there's no way she would ever get back with him again, they're just friends.

She reaches a point, when she drinks, where she feels like she needs to party all night, and she probably knew that I wouldn't want to do that. She also knew that, once I managed to get in touch with her, I wasn't happy with what she'd done, and we'd probably end up arguing.

What's really screwing with my head is that I know exactly what I should've done, so why didn't I just do it. I should've just gone to bed and waited for her to come home instead of getting so angry.

I'm not kidding myself, I know that the reason we're not together anymore is more my fault than it is hers, and it hurts like hell.

You don't always think rationally at times like that, especially when you've been drinking. My mind was racing, thinking about what she could be doing at the party, and was there another reason she didn't want me there.

I don't really know why I'm playing it all over in my head, I guess I need to make sense of it all, but I should just accept that it happened, there's nothing I can do about it now.

She's a great girl when she's not got a drink inside her, and I've blown it in a big way.

I haven't come on here to get people to side with me, I'm living alone at the moment, and it just helps to talk about it all.

Don't judge me, I'm just a human being, we all do stupid things occasionally. The stupid thing I did has hurt me more than it has anyone else.

[searock]

So you *were* dancing with other girls and ignoring her for a long time. Otherwise you would never really believe that what you should have done was going to bed waiting patiently like a good little pet for her to return.

You gave her a reason to leave and act all bitchy when you contacted her. This is why you feel so completely guilty and act like she did nothing wrong.

I still think that she had been thinking about breaking up for quite a while before that night.

[Mr Soft]

I was really just dancing with my brother and the group he was with, there were girls that I knew in that group, but nothing happened that would've given her a reason to be jealous.

Errors were made throughout the night, due to the attitude she gains when drunk, which I know about and should've handled better.

We did go through a bit of a spell where we had to re-evaluate what we both wanted from the relationship but we'd come through it and everything was great again, earlier in the evening she'd kissed me, looked me in the eyes and told me she loved me.

[toknow]

How was it the TVs fault...lol! But seriously, Do you realize how stupid and illogical what you did is? By smashing her TV, and looking like a fool in the process, you made her feel insecure, because if you can't control your own actions, why should she feel secure that you can control someone ease's actions.

It's very likely she was jealous or felt neglected while you were dancing with your friends, so she left. And you both made it a huge deal, when it most likely wasn't. Now she knows, that every time you have a little argument she will get a new TV...lol (which could be a positive, depending on which way you look at it).

But, again you can't act like a 5-year-old and expect her to want to be with you, you have to try to understand why she did what she did which involves talking, and there is no need for you to hurt yourself in the process.

[Mr Soft]

I'm 32 years old and it's the first time I've ever done something like that, no one realises how stupid it was more than I do, I completely shocked myself.

I doubt there will be anymore arguments, not that there were ever many anyway, you can't argue when you're not together anymore.

I will try to find out why she disappeared the way she did because I'd like to know for sure.

[smackie9]

We did go through a bit of a spell where we had to re-evaluate what we both wanted from the relationship but we'd come through it and everything was great again, earlier in the evening she'd kissed me, looked me in the eyes and told me she loved me.

See again another important piece of information that was not introduced at the beginning. Just because you "worked through it" doesn't mean it may not be part of what is going on here.

[Mr Soft]

Wow Smackie, you're a real glass half empty kind of person aren't you? lol

[Cerby]

Wow Smackie, you're a real glass half empty kind of person aren't you? lol

People on this forum sometimes get frustrated and the quality of advice can suffer. It happens when the same problems come up again and again, and sometimes new posters don't get the help they might want. Smackie means well, just prefers the "no bullshit" path of advice, which is usually pretty solid.

You need to dial back and realize that although you were a dickhead for punching the TV, she was also wrong and did something that wasn't ok either. What you haven't told us is what you suspect the party she went to was all about...an exes house? random guys? ex-fwbs? I have a feeling that whose house it was might be what wound you right up. Am I right?

[Mr Soft]

I didn't know whose house it was, but I knew it would've been mainly guys there. It was the fact that she didn't want me there that wound me up and made me think something might be going on, along with the fact that she didn't answer my calls or texts for ages. They were pretty much random guys by the sounds of it, saw her tonight and she told me they were people that she 'vaguely knew'.

She's said in no uncertain terms that it's over this evening, she doesn't love me anymore. She's had some doubts before and this event made her mind up, which is a shame because her mind was going back the other way.

So you're right cerby, I do feel like a MASSIVE dickhead, and have done for the past few days.

We'll stay friends, she doesn't hold grudges against exes, I won't lose her from my life completely.

Felt very strange changing my Facebook status to 'Single', just doesn't seem right.

[SunsetRainbow]

I find it quite strange that she looked at you that night and said she loves you.
And now she's saying she doesn't love you at all.
I hope everything works out for you in the end.

[VincenzoG91]

Mr. Soft, I think you will be better off without this shady lady, as long as you take an anger management class.