14 Months of Happiness Gone After One Stupid Action....

[Mr Soft]

Hey guys, it's 5am I'm sat up in bed and can't sleep so I thought I'd use the time to look for a forum where people could give me some useful advice.

I've been in a happy, and very loving relationship for the last 14 months, with the absolute love of my life and it all went wrong in the space of an hour last night.

She was due to go away for work for a couple of days so we decided that we would spend our Saturday together doing something fun. We went for some food, then to check out some bands at a local music event in the afternoon/evening. We had a great time there and she kissed me and told me she loved me, everything was perfect. We then called a cab and made our way in to town, stopping at a couple of bars. The second bar we went to was quite lively, everyone was dancing, and I saw some people I knew, so had a bit of a dance with them. At around 11:30 I realised my girlfriend had disappeared, I couldn't find her anywhere, tried calling her mobile and messaging her but got no response. Then after about 30 minutes she replied to my message saying she had 'got caught up in something, but not to worry, and that she was ok. This made me worry so I called her over and over until she eventually answered. When she picked up the phone she said she was at a party at someone's house, she knew roughly where it was but wasn't 100% sure, and that she didn't want me to go there. I kept calling her and telling her to come home, we were supposed to be on a night out together, but she refused. I got more and more angry, and it didn't help that I had been drinking, then I did something completely out of character, I went to her place and smashed her TV up, punching it twice. My hand was bleeding all over the place and I couldn't believe what I had done, so I quickly cleaned most of the blood up and left. Not long afterwards the police turned up at my place, put me in the back of their van and took me to the station, but they let me go after around half an hour because she dropped the charges.

I saw my girlfriend this morning, she refused to talk to me and just said 'it's over', then later on she left my things in the garage on her way to the airport.

I have ordered a new TV, and apologised to her as much as I can without it getting annoying.

I feel so empty right now and I don't know what to do to make things better, she was and still is the total love of my life.

She goes a bit crazy when she's had a drink, and the way I see it is that she did something crazy, which in turn made me do something that was also crazy and out of character.

I can't stop thinking that if I'd only kept my cool she would've been the one who woke up feeling like a fool, but we would've kissed and made up and it all would've been normal again. Instead I did something ridiculous and I could live to regret it for the rest of my days.

[needtomend]

at least you manned up and bought her a new tv and apologized. but on the other hand I would have been upset as well if my g/f just up and left to go to a party without telling me. she should have called said hey I met up with some friends, and i will see you later tonight. i would have been thinking the worst that someone bad happened to her. but you should have not trashed her apt out of anger. do you think you may have anger issues and maybe need see a professional? at very least when she did meet with you and call should have just talked it out.

[smackie9]

Dude you are in such denial. You are blaming her for your violent reaction.......take some f uckin accountability for once. You and only you are responsible for acting like such a douche.

[Sovereign88]

Women change their minds all the time. I have a feeling that she will give you another chance. The best advice i can give you is to RESPECT HER NEED FOR SPACE no matter how much it kills you to do so. I know you feel empty but nine-times out of ten she is feeling the loss too.

I think that you may want to look into some anger management classes too! It seems that your anger is controlling you and making you make irrational decisions. Your violent outburst probably made your (ex) girlfriend feel unsafe and like she didn't know who you were anymore.

The only thing you can do to ease the empty feeling is to keep busy with a hobby of some sort but DEFINITELY look into anger management. If your (ex)girlfriend decides to give you another chance, suggest that the two of your take anger management courses together so that this sort of mishap doesn't happen again.

Best wishes too you.

[chrysalis]

dont regret the past, move forward for a better tomorrow

[Cerby]

You two were out together and then she ended up at a house party that she didn't want you to go to? WTF is that? Smashing the TV was wrong, but there is something more wrong with your relationship. Who just "takes off" and leave their SO out on the town while they go somewhere else and don't inform them, don't answer texts, and don't call. Replace the TV, be done.

[Mr Soft]

The demon drink played a big part in what happened, coupled with thoughts of a very emotional time for me when an ex of mine was pulling similar stunts while my mother was dying of cancer. I guess I unleashed those emotions on the tv.

We don't have what I would call a rocky relationship at all, this was a one off, and I failed to exercise the self control required.

I have never done anything like that before, ever.

Thanks for the constructive responses, I know what I did was very stupid, and yes, I am a douche, I certainly feel like one anyway.

Anyone got a number for Dr Emmett Brown?

[searock]

What you did was crazy, but so was what *she* did. Why the hell did she leave you alone and refused to meet you even after you called her? You had every right to get angry. Not to do what you did of course, but to get angry, sure.

[Mr Soft]

For me a good relationship is all about getting through times like this, when something mad happens and you pull together to work things out, but this all feels so final and it's tearing me apart.

I hate myself for what I did, like someone said earlier, it will have made her feel unsafe, and that's the last thing I wanted to do, I'm supposed to make her feel safe, not unsafe.

If I had just kept my cool she would have been the one who woke up feeling like a douche.

[searock]

As I said. What you did was wrong, but so was what she did. Maybe she was just waiting for an excuse to break up with you. A loving girlfriend, or even just a respectful partner, wouldn't have done what she did.

[VincenzoG91]

Heavy drinking doesn't even begin to justify her bizarre behavior. She demonstrated depraved indifference to your surprise, confusion and concern. Forget her. She has some serious issues that she has been hiding from you, and you're not equipped to solve them. Now that you've replaced her television, avoid any further contact with her, because she is crazy. Instead, focus on your own problem, which is that you need to learn anger management. Getting angry is a perfectly reasonable response to certain kinds of bad situations, but you are completely responsible for your actions even when you're angry. Smashing someone's property isn't acceptable, and you could end up going to jail again for that kind of behavior. Avoid this toxic woman and deal with your anger problem, and you will be ready for a better relationship with a normal woman.

[smackie9]

There has to be deeper issues here. This event was a symptom of things not right in your relationship. Her leaving the bar without you was done because she was mad at you for something. And I have a feeling there is more to this story than what you have led on.

[vashti]

If she can't offer a good explanation for her behavior at the bar (who just disappears like that?), I would say your rage was justified. (Not breaking the TV, and of course, you will have to replace it, but your emotional reaction was appropriate.)

[IndiReloaded]

Cerb and Vash called it. Its over. Try to control your rage in future and find a more considerate GFs.

[smackie9]

I suspect she felt it was their night to spend together before she goes away, but there he goes, leaving her at the table to go dancing with say female co-workers or female friends oblivious to his GF's reaction....ya alcohol will make you lose how much time has passed. She leaves in a jealous huff and to punish him (yes immature) to a house party and doesn't answer his calls. So I say they are both not meant for each other because they both handled themselves poorly. Who needs that?