He doesn't want kids in the future

[lea_far]

Hi, so I am nearly 20 years old and I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend of the same age for 3 years now. Some history before I continue... I've known him for quite a long time now. We used to be best friends when we were kids as frequented the same school (music school) when we were only 8 years old for 3 years. Then we lost all contact and met him again in high school. He had a big crush on me..seriously! He had a chance to date other girls but he didn't because he only wanted me.

Back to reality....

We always dreamt together that one day we will marry, have a family with kids and live happily ever after. I dream a lot of marrying him and I have a lot of plans of that special day on my mind (maybe I am insane I know...). He used to tell me a lot how he imagines our family, how many kids he wants to have and so on.

Today I was talking again about kids and he told me that he doesn't want kids when one day we settle together. He kept on saying and insisting that he wants to travel and that kids are waste of money and time....And suddenly I am feeling that my dreams are killed forever. Maybe it is a phase? I don't know what to do. Please some advice!

Thanks xxx
Lea.

[Maple1714]

You are young...he will prob. change his mind.

[IndiReloaded]

Or not. But I agree with Maple, there is plenty of time.

[Maple1714]

My sister dated a guy for about 4 years...he had gotten a vasectomy before they met. She was approaching her mid 30's and told him she wanted a baby. They worked through all of his feelings of not wanting to be a father and at the end of it all he had his vasectomy reversed. They are now expecting their 2nd child. He is 45 now...
A lot can change...

[vashti]

If you get to be in your late 20s and he still says the same thing, then I'd worry. For now, you two are simply engaging in youthful fantasies.

[TheCafeTerrace]

Sounds like the idea of domestic bliss is terrifying the poor soul, and he wants to imagine himself as a bohemian - travelling and unburdened.

Why not go travelling with him, plan an adventure together? Then when he's finished his early mid-life crisis you can get yourselves two and a half kids, a mortgage and a Citroen Picasso.

I'd be suprised if you could find me a 19 year old fella who wasn't terrified by the prospect of having children and settling down for life... Don't feel like your dreams are crushed forever just yet.

[Sovereign88]

Fortunately, you are still very young and you have time to change really assess things. There is a quote that says,"Love isn't looking in eachother's eyes, it's looking in the same direction."

Don't think that you can marry him and then pressure him to change his feelings about kids. If he changes him mind he will come to that conclusion on his own.

In the meantime, maybe you should ask for a break and while you are single, go on dates with guys who share your desire for children. That way you will be able to make realistic comparisons.

If he doesn't want children then this will just cause conflict and resentment later on down the road because one person will end up compromising for the other.

Hope this helps and good luck.

[thiudiskr]

Well, if you get desperate, you could always poke holes in your condoms.

[lea_far]

lol. yeah good idea

[Edwardnew]

Kids are the precious asset of every parent. So, i think without kids any married couple can not be happy. So, try to make him interested to have kids in the future.