Boyfriend hid text, should I be worried?

[flo_22]

I found a text message on my boyfriend's phone from an unknown number saying something like, 'If you need to chat', or 'i need to chat....not that you'll reply. The only reason I saw it was because my friend tapped on my boyfriend's phone thinking it was hers, whilst he was outside. When he came back in, my friend noticed he deleted the message. My friends all thought it seemed dodgy and told me I should approach him about it, which I did.

He broke down and insisted that it was nothing but some girl who he used to speak to, but stopped speaking to when he met me. At first he said he hasnt texted her since being with me, however later that night, he admitted he text her around Christmas time telling her that he didnt want to talk to her anymore and for her to stop. Apparently she texts every couple of months or so. He said he didnt tell me because he didnt want to worry me, but earlier in the year there was an incident with a creepy guy who I knew from years ago, which would have been the perfect time for him to tell me about this girl, but he didnt. It strikes odd that even after a year he hasnt mentioned me, and also I cant see someone continually texting someone who doesn't reply for a year, or says they don't want to talk. Surely, you 'd stop unless you were getting replies.

A week earlier, I had been working unsociable hours, and he went out drinking 4 times in a week, which is fair enough, but he doesn't even like clubbing. We spoke about that and he broke down again saying he didnt even plan to go out, it just happened and that he would never cheat, that he doesnt have it in him. He even said he was thinking about proposing, as a friend of mine was getting married abroad, and it got him thinking about what he wanted.

We've been together for a year now and are pretty laidback so these are the first major bust-ups that we've had. He's never given me a reason to suspect before other than he is on his phone lots and his computer, although he does speak to his best friend a lot.

Up until the text, I just didn't know if I was just over-tired, cranky and paranoid because of my job, which I'll be finishing soon thankfully. I was in a similar situation in a previous relationship and I was right to be wary, which my boyfriend knows about. However, things are slightly different in this one, as I am his first serious girlfriend, so I don't know if he may handle things differently if he doesnt have much experience.

I've never worried about him being unfaithful or anything, until now, I don't think he could do it, but I've been wrong before in the past in other relationships so I'm confused. That text and him not telling me about this girl, who's cropped up out of nowhere, has got me thinking about what other stuff he might not be telling me. I know everyone has a right to privacy and he doesnt have to tell me absolutely everything, but I feel like I've lost a bit of trust in him now. I haven't been the jealous, over-bearing girlfriend so far and I just don't want to become that either. If she sounded like just a friend, it'd be fine but I don't think she was just a friend. Am I over-reacting? How should I handle things now?

Any help would be great, thanks!

[TheCafeTerrace]

What do you mean when you say "he broke down"? That seems an over-reation to a perfectly reasonable question. Sounds like a guilty conscience to me.

[flo_22]

By 'broke down', I mean cried, like really cried to the point where he could barely speak. He does it a lot if I get upset about something. He did also approach my friends to explain himself, which I forgot to mention earlier.

[TheCafeTerrace]

Oh christ, I would dump him just for the crying. Very suspicious stuff though, you're not paranoid to be thinking like this.

[SunsetRainbow]

I think you should be worried, yeah. That sounds really suspicious..

[VincenzoG91]

Sneaky and weepy. You should stick a hook in him and go fishing.

[Sovereign88]

I think it would be best if you did not compare this relationships to your past ones. You mentioned that you've "been wrong before" about the unfaithfulness in past relationships but I think you've been doing a really good job at lot bringing old baggage into this relationship.

I'm not sure what your boyfriend's personality is like but sometimes guys cry to evoke sympathy from a woman (manipulation), because as the person before me said, it seems kind of extreme to cry over being questioned about a text message.

If your intuition tells you that something isn't right (make sure it is not just paranoia from being cheated on before) you could try texting him from a different phone and act flirty and see how he responds. If he responds back flirty or suspiciously then this will tell you volumes about his character.

I know it's a little devious and sneaky, but if he is truly the guy that you think he is, he'll past the test with flying colors.

Hope this helps.

[JB9]

She said "not that you'll reply", he isn't replying to her and deled the message from an unknown number. To answer another question, Yes, there are people who will keep texting someone even if the other isn't responding, they are called pathetic. Your b/f didn't mention it as there was nothing to mention, he isn't in contact with her. Let it go, really.

[smackie9]

I would be more worried about this clubbing thing. I smell a rat when I hear marriage propsal used to pasify a situation. He is a little to quick on the defensive volenteering info that he would never cheat on you because he doesn't have it in him (meaning he doesn't have the balls too?).....that is a bit of a wrong answer don't you think?

[Wakeup]

If you had no inkling that he was up to no good before this text then why are you making such a huge deal out of it now? Had there been any red flags before your friend saw this text? She did at one point say "Need to chat, not that you will." ... and yes, pathetic stalker types will keep texting because pathetic people eventually DO respond.

I suggest that you ask him to delete her number and have her blocked. If he refuses, well then he's lying to you. If he says "okay" then she has no value to him and you can relax.

[flo_22]

Thank you all for your replies, lots of varied answers, which has given me a chance to look at a lot of perspectives. I appreciate your time and helpful advice!