I'm really Messed Up

[DevastatedToday]

I did something that is really messed up now I don't know what to do. I think I ruined my life.

My husband over the span of several years always kept a close leash on me, always checked up on me, threw fits every now and again if I did something different like fix up for work. He never out right accused me of an affair all the time, but would ask me if I slept with this person or that person. My answer was always a truthful, "no"

We had a fight about a month ago, and he didn't talk to me for a full day - and I contacted a lawyer friend to figure out how to get our affairs in order. The D-word had been thrown around for several years. My attorney friend emailed me and told me to call him with a prepaid phone. so I got one.

My husband and I for fun like to talk to people via text - it gets us going and we talk about it. Yes, these are dirty texts. We both do it, but it's innocent fun that we are honest about. Well, one day I was talking to this guy and I used that prepaid phone, and my husband found out about it and blew a gasket.

He sit me down and said to tell him whatever I was hiding. I came clean about the phone, talking to an attorney, and a couple bank statement related issues

I swore up and down that I wasn't hiding anything and he said just tell me who you F****. I said no one and this went on for 20 minutes or so. He then said, if you don't admit to screwing x,y, and z I'm going to leave you - but if you admit it we can work through it. I already know the truth. Well, it wasn't true - but I went with it. I didn't want him to leave me.

Well, this has ballooned. He made me record everything I did on a tape. I know I could have refused but I can't live without him. He even made me say that I recorded the recording on my own free will. He said he wanted it so that I could hear what I did.

It's been about a month and we went to counseling and everything and last night he hits me with I think you did x,y, z too. I denied it and he said I was lying, and he said he was going to leave, so I went with it again. THEN he hit me with that he was leaving anyways, and that he was going to make sure I lost my job, my credit, and ended up in jail.

Several of the people that he accused me of were co-workers or bosses and he said he's going to take the tape to the firms and tell the bosses there to make sure I lose my professional certifications ASAP so that he will keep quiet. I offered to pay him a hefty sum per month to keep quiet, because I don't want these other people's lives ruined. He said tough that I should have thought about it

I don't know what to do. I have a 2 year old. I want nothing more to be with him. I know I'm going to lose everything - job, house, money, cars, lifestyle. He said he could find a woman that makes him happy and treats him like a king, not a whore. I don't look anything like I did 10 years ago, I'm chubby, a mom, have mom "lady bits" which he said no one but him would like and he says I literally stink.

I mean no one is going to believe that I made everything up. I tried telling him that I did make it up but it made matters 10 times worse last night. He's pointed out all my faults- ugly fat no one will want me, and even if they did he'd tell them everything. He wants me to suffer. I'm afraid to go t a lawyer because they are going to think I'm bat shit crazy.

I don't want to rake him over the coals - I want him to walk out with everything that he's entitled to. I just want an amicable split on good terms for our 2 year old son. I'm going to hurt inside losing him. I feel like sticking it out because I don't want to ruin everyones lives that legitimately did nothing wrong, and I don't want to get sued for this whole fiasco by someone impacted by this issue.

Has anyone else lied about having an affair when they didn't ? I know this is messed up. I just don't know what to do. I know that you probably don't believe me either.

[lizzy-bet]

Talk to the lawyer, and talk to the people who you confessed about on the tape, and then talk to your boss about this issue. You might be able to resign before he can talk to your boss and then at least collect unemployment until you move and can start over again. I can't believe you didn't get copies of the phone records for the prepaid phone and just show him those, maybe you could do that now to prove you did not use the phone to contact anyone besides the lawyer.

Then, you can work on your body. A gym membership isn't that much and there are a lot of deals for personal trainers these days to get you started. All is not lost, but you do have quite the mountain to climb. Time to lawyer up and get your life back on track.

[Boisdevie]

To put up with this you really are batshit crazy. Get a lawyer quick. And if at all possible try to stop being so incredibly stupid in future.

[haxan]

Hate to be mean, but you both sound like idiots. Divorce and try to find normal partners who will put up with you to help balance the idiocy out.

[rpauljake]

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[Boisdevie]

However, Another thing that can save your relationship is a kechara relationship chakras and kechara love chakras both help improve love relationship and romance.

Is that some kind of fast easterny hippy bullshitty kind of loony stuff?

[vieuxsage]

. I just want an amicable split on good terms for our 2 year old son.

Not going to happen by the way you described him. Don't you know about those guy-types? Possessive, suspicious, paranoid? Shoulda' dumped him like way back, um' I mean nevermind, I'm getting off- topic. Now you have to just face the divorce as best as you can and get a decent support agreement, but he sounds like the type that won't cooperate and saddly I think you're in for a long drawn-out, difficult time with him. Do they have support groups of women that help other women just beginning to go through divorce? Should I think. Maybe you could consider finding a group to help you deal with the impending difficult time I think you're in for. Sorry.

And next time, and I know there will be a next time, keep on high alert for that type and drop him like a sack of bricks at the first signs of it.