So confused!

[heartstrings]

I am a 30 year old unmarried female who comes from a very strict Middle Eastern family. I moved away from home 8 years ago to pursue my education in Toronto which is a 2 hr drive from where I live. My parents were completely against this decision as they believe that a girl needs to live with her parents until she gets married. Unfortunately this mindset is shared by many others from my culture. My ex bf who was completely in love with me finally left me after 3 years since his family disapproved of me. Their reason was that I had lived by myself for 6 years and therefore I am not a good girl for their son. I can't believe people would just judge someone like that. I did live in Toronto for 6 years and had 2 long-term relationships (which I guess is something a normal human being is supposed to do) but I managed to earn both my Bachelor and Master of Science. Guess what their son had? a high school Diploma!! You might wonder why I even gave him a chance, but that's just a different story which I don't want to bother you with. Anyway, after finishing my Masters, I moved back home to be with my parents. But, things were not the same anymore. I had to share a room with my brother,I was put on curfews, and I felt my freedom was endangered. I decided to study Optometry upon returning home, and started taking prerequisites for that which include Physics, and Math. I soon realized that I am terrible at both of those subjects since my prior education was mostly based on Biology. At the same time I was going through a break-up with the ex mentioned above. I was going through a rather difficult time, and had many emotional breakdowns following our break up, and ended up really depressed. In the last months of our relationship he had suggested to me that I should think of doing a 2 yr nursing program to settle down faster, and he thought medicine or optometry would take way too long. He insisted that I was not getting any younger so I should not waste any more time by just taking pre-requisites. I applied to a fast-track nursing program in Toronto at the same school where I got my MSc from just to be close to him (he lives in Toronto), and also to start making money quickly once we get married. After awhile, I felt guilty for listening to him rather than doing my own research first. I started to do lots of research on nursing, and spoke to many nurses and nurse practitioners, and finally decided that I truly wanted to be a nurse practitioner. I just love their approach to medicine which is mostly focused on prevention and health awareness. But to be a nurse practitioner I still needed the 2 years of basic nursing education first.

Now, this is where the dilemma begins. I have been accepted to the program which starts in September, but my parents are completely against this decision. They do not want me to move out and go back to Toronto. The things that my mom has been telling me the past few days have been really hurtful. I just had to scream and cry for fifteen minutes straight yesterday to let all my frustration with this matter out. My mom says that she has a bad feeling about me moving to Toronto and she keeps having this image in her head that I have been murdered..She just associates Toronto with rape and murder..I don't really blame her though! There have been many rapes and sexual assaults around the Uni where I will be attending. Last year there was even a homicide :O

These are some of the things my mom tells me : look at you, you are thirty..everyone else your age is married, and has children, and here you are thinking about starting a new path. Don't you think it's late? You should be focused on building a family. How come I am not fortunate enough to see your wedding, and my grand kids. You will end up single for the rest of your life because nobody will ever want to marry a girl who lives by herself. How can I sleep at nights when I know you are there by yourself all alone, do you even know what I went though during the 6 yrs u were in Toronto.. I had nightmares every night thinking that you were getting killed or hurt
We have a family friend who is 38 and not married..my mom constantly tells me that I will end up like her..That I am making a mistake..that I will not be able to support myself financially and will quite in the middle of nursing (OSAP is not paying me enough and I don't know how I am going to support myself while in Toronto)
The most hurtful things that she has told me are: I know you are going there to party every day and she indirectly told me that I am just doing this to be able to sleep around and i am not really going there to become a nurse. She says that I am a total failure, and that she is very ashamed of me . she told me all these things last night, and cried myself to sleep. this morning she came and hugged me and cried and said that she was upset when she was telling me those things, but this is not the first time I have heard them
I really don't know what to do. i am sacred something will happen to her if I move to Toronto..she is not taking it well at all, and she keeps telling me about how I have no emotion..about how all my cousins who are married spend all their time with their mom ( but those cousins don't even have a diploma :S)
At this point, I feel like a complete loser. I feel like I am not capable of achieving anything, and even if go through nursing I won't successful. I keep imaging this scene where I would fail nursing school clinical and will end up with a huge debt, and 2 yrs from now I will still be nowhere ( no career, no family)!!!!

[JB9]

Sounds like you are not just listening to what your mother says, you are starting to believe them, that is unfortunate. You are old enough to do what you please, with whom you please...when you please! Irregardless of the culture thing, which I understand, live your life how YOU choose. There are no timelines on when to have a family(If you even want a family?), there are no timelines on when to settle down with someone(If that is even something you want?)

Decide what you'd like to do as far as studies, do you really want to go back to school or is this another stall tactic?
Can you find a job that you'd enjoy with you current academics which would allow you to live wherever you choose and not with your parents?

One thing I know as a definite, if you live your life for your parents(or anyone else for that matter) and what they want for you, you aren't living YOUR life for YOU.

[cheekxs]

First of all, dont talk down like that about people with hight school diploma!
Cause you cant run the whole dam world!
Thankx to them you can bring your kids to daycare when you have a family and
all of that other jobs they start with! And when you where focking your ex,that he is from high school never keep on your mind!

So dont think you are all that just cause of the name of your degree.
Cause you still did not make a shit after all that studying!

So, and i how can you feel sorry for listing to him, and after that you tell us you love nursing???suddenly?
What did you feel sorry for?

You are 30, nice age, but i think everyone finds their passion on their own time. some
when they are young, some their parents see it and guide them true it since childhood.
And some when they are adult.
So if you really found your passion right now, its worth to go for it. you will not get any younger anyway.

and i think some times parents put their fear on their child.
you need to think for yourself what is the reason you still not working with all that diplomas of that university yours you got.
is it fear or do you really found your passion?
You need to work for many years so its important to do the profession you love. so you it can stay a challenge for you.

I wonder why you came back home? is it not time for you to be on yourself with your own home and car'?
By being home, hanging around your mom, acting childish its only prove your mom is right.
Even thou maybe she raised you that way.
I dont believe you have to go sex and get pregnant with what ever dude cause your age is 30.
But i think you need to start getting adult.
Stop hanging on your moms house, get a real job, par time or what ever, fail is part of growing up life.
So , get your own place and grow up.

So your mom can see and maybe say, im proud of you.
Do it first for yourself!
And your mom is wrong by telling you no ones marry a girl that life's by herself.
Its good to be independent and let the men be a men in your life. Many adults where independent before finding their partner.
What do your mom wants to keep you in that room with your brother till you get 40 and married?
You have brains use them!

When you are a adult your parents can only give you advice. but its up to you to make the decisions.
You are bragging about your university but you could not have think any of this yourself?
You see, you need all kind of peoples of every college degree! never downplay others cause of their college degree.
You can also learn from people that never had the opportunity went to school!All the diploma you have you still doing no shit.
so i will count you as a welfare person or one that is doing noting.

And what kind of Uni is that in Toronto? dont they take care of the student safety around it?

You know you want to move out, you shoulda have making a plan how to do it.
and how totake care of the financial problem.
You see that is a reason why i say your mom talk to you the way you carry yourself. even tho it have something to do
with the way she reacet you herself. with all of that negativity.also.

Cause a adult person would think i want this , i dont have enough money , so i need to work more or yada yada yada.
So they make a plan to make it work and do it.
But you sit here telling what you dont have and this and that. instead of move your ass and make it work.,

and if it is for your ex you want to move to that place, dont bother! that for shore will be a waste of everything!

And shore if you want a family you need to start thinking in that direction!
And work to it.
And that is not by hanging on your mothers house.

If you want to grow and be adult, you need to be on your own , and pay your own bills.
and hard times is also part of it.

[heartstrings]

@Cheekxs, Thank you so much for your response..I really appreciate the time you took to respond to me..I think you misunderstood me ..I am not bragging about my education!!That was not my intention at all. I was just trying to provide a little bit of background info about myself so people would be able to help me better.
My intention was not to put my ex down because of his high school diploma..I loved my ex, and his memories will always remain in my heart. I don't judge people based on their education..education does not determine wisdom...I really apologize if you found my post insulting because that's not how my view toward people with less education is. As I said, my ex had a high school diploma but he was a hard worker and had many attributes that I have not seen in those with a university education..

[heartstrings]

bumppppp