My gf is pregnant and I'm not happy with the relationship

[Let4everBe]

Hi

I've been with my gf for 1 1/2 years. We've been through so many breakups and obstacles but somehow we still stay together. I don't know what's the problem. Is it me or her? But the sad thing is, so many things has happened. My mom doesn't want to see her anymore. My band disbanded because they said I've changed because of her. My office mates said she's bringing me down. She is aware of all this and when I tell her this, it hurts her and she said I'm being influenced by them. But the truth I fight with her so much that I've become such an angry man. I abuse her verbally by shouting and using swear words (not at her directly) and this is not the person I was before.

Now she's pregnant. I am happy to know that I'm a father but we fought again and we said so many things to hurt each other. She even said that she will never let me see my child.

I don't know what should I do now. When I want to be a responsible bf and father, she said I'm giving her hope with the relationship. I told her honestly, it seems that we can't solve our relationship problems but I'd like to be there for her.

Yet I still fight with her and it's stressing me out. I don't want it to become any worse. She's pregnant and her mood swings will turn me off. I will stress her out and this is not good. I'm stuck in a situation where if I stay on with her, we will fight more and more and perhaps destroy each other. If I don't stay with her, I don't how she would survive as she is having issues with her job and paying off an apartment and loans she can't afford.

What should I do?

[sadie_genie]

You shouldn't be getting her pregnant if you would not take the responsibilities that came with it. It is unquestionable that you should take full responsibilities for the wellbeing of the child. So, taking financial responsibilities as well as being a good father is what you should do. As for the relationship with her, try your best to work out whatever issues you two are having. But if you have tried your very best and the relationship isn't improving, you don't have to keep the romantic relationship with her BUT you still need to maintain some kind of relationship with her for the sake of your child. You can be a father for the child, but you don't have to be a husband for her.

[Let4everBe]

You shouldn't be getting her pregnant if you would not take the responsibilities that came with it. It is unquestionable that you should take full responsibilities for the wellbeing of the child. So, taking financial responsibilities as well as being a good father is what you should do. As for the relationship with her, try your best to work out whatever issues you two are having. But if you have tried your very best and the relationship isn't improving, you don't have to keep the romantic relationship with her BUT you still need to maintain some kind of relationship with her for the sake of your child. You can be a father for the child, but you don't have to be a husband for her.

That's what I'm trying to do but I feel like she's blackmailing me. She said if I don't even try to work the relationship out with her (which I have tried and failed numerous times) she doesn't want me to contact her anymore.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

When the child is born, get a paternity test and a court order to see your child. She can't disallow you to see your own child. How old are you two and what are your job situations?

[MaidenMinx]

You still have legal rights to see your child. Don't let her take that from you.

When I fell pregnant, I had only been with my now hubby for only 7 months and at that point we were fighting at least once a week. When I found out I was pregnant, I gave him the option to walk away and leave me to raise the bub, which I was perfectly happy to do. Since I couldn't give him a choice on what we do about the baby ( he suggested abortion and I couldn't do that again, and I would never adopt a child out because I know too many people that were adopted that don't get over the abandonment), I gave him the choice to stay or go. He chose to stay. I told him I didn't want him to stay just for the baby, I needed to know he was still interested in me.
We fought terribly through my pregnancy as I was hormonal and I felt he wasn't preparing to be a father.
Our son was born prematurely and we were both stressed so the arguing continued, even while we were supporting each other through the grief of the dreams we had of how things would be with a new baby. It took us a bit over a year to get over that, and then my hubbys dad died. More horrible feelings led to more arguments.

On the plus side of all of that, we have always been extremely fond of each other and have a lot of common interests. We make sure we have some us time every week. Our son is the glue that holds us together in the bad times, because neither of us could imagine leaving him. When we're good though, we are awesome. We are one of those couples that people look at and say "You guys are perfect for each other. If you guys break up, there is no hope for love for any of us."

What I am trying to say is, if you guys have common ground, the baby may very well bring you together more. If it doesn't, do not be a half arsed father. Be there whenever your child needs you.

[Maple1714]

Try and work on your relationship problems and the reasons why you fight. This will be very hard throughout her pregnancy and for a while after b/c she will be hormonal. I am sure she is just as nervous about everything as you are. If you can't fix your romantic relationship it's ok. You don't have to be together romantically to raise a child...although it can make things easier when parents are happily together. Just take it one day at a time and don't put unrealistic expectations on yourself in terms of how your relationship needs to be. You are still the father and trust me she will want you around. Support the child no matter what. Split the cost of everything and be there to teach, raise and spend time with the child. This is a new little life...you will have to put your differences aside and focus on what's best for a baby. Do you both have family close?

[roxstar]

sorry to say it but you to will continue to always argue, you both have got So used to being with each other that you just stay for the sake of it, got yourself In a rut,

you need to sit down together and talk about how its not working and won't but that you will be there for her and support her,
go to all the baby scans and be there when baby Is born, if you want to be a dad to this kid then be there for her whilst she pregnant and never let your kid down when she has it,
support her money wise with the kid,

I had a kid with my ex and our relationship was like yours, he ended up cheating, gave up on lil one,

she is going to be all over the place now more than ever due to her pregnancy...hormones all over the please lol.

whatever you do, do not stay with her for the sake of the child, I'm sure you don't want your child growing up in that environment.

good luck, hope all works out for you

[Sonrisa]

it actually sounds like you are the one having mood swings and are fighting because you want out. no matter what the situation is, you are financially and emotionally responsible for the kid. and by emotionally i mean that by making her pregnancy miserable it will take a toll on a child, and he/she doesn't deserve that. control your outbursts and try to make her pregnancy as peaceful as possible.

what do you parents say about them getting a grandkid?

[cheekxs]

you are no child/if you know to **** you now to take responsibility.

you now sex can make a woman pregnant.
you now that the relationship was bad for a long time.
but you kept it all going. now
take responsibility. you dont have to stay with her. you can do all your responsibility toward the child all the way.

next time use your head.

[roxstar]

you are no child/if you know to **** you now to take responsibility.

you know sex can make a woman pregnant.
you know that the relationship was bad for a long time.
but you kept it all going. now
take responsibility. you dont have to stay with her. you can do all your responsibility toward the child all the way.

next time use your head.

corrected the beginning as you was putting 'now's when really it should say 'know'

[haxan]

It's amazing that number of people in dead-end or casual relationships that get pregnant and then complain about being stuck.

Birth control. Use it.

[jt123]

You absolutely do have to be 100% responsible for your child. But no, forcing a broken relationship to continue is not generally a successful idea. So many people in your situation just get married because it's "the right thing to do," but honestly, it's not. Then you just have to deal with raising a child AND battling through a bad marriage or divorce. Sometimes the best thing you can do is make the tough call and say let's end this respectfully, but we will always be involved in each other's lives with this child, and we will do whatever is best for him regardless of how we feel about one another. Your girlfriend probably won't see it that way, but in time she'll get it, too. But yes, you've definitely got to make sure you are there for your child.