I'm in love with my best friend.

[davjl183]

I'm in high school and I'm in love with my best friend. We've been friends for a long time and are very close, to the point where she thinks of me as her big brother. I've had these feelings for over a year now, and i dont know what to do. I know that I can't tell her, because if I did her boyfriend would find out and get even more jealous of us than he already is. I'm also worried it would ruin our friendship, because people always ask if I like her and I always lie and say no. Normally i can handle this but just recently her boyfriend and her got into an argument about me and now she doesn't think we should hang out as much now. I'm crushed, I don't know what to do, I just want to get over my feelings for her. What do i do??

[silverella]

I don't think it's possible to just get over feelings for someone unless you either transfer them to someone else, or cut all contact. You could try the first thing, but presumably cutting contact with you best friend isn't an option for you.

What might help is just admitting and accepting your feelings in your own mind. Don't feel guilty, you feel what you feel, you want what you want - but it's possible to live with wanting yet not getting. I guess you have to accepy your friend's wishes and not see her as much. IF it's really what she wants. If her bf is dictating to her who she can and can't see, that's another issue entirely and i'd talk to her about it.

The other option is just to be honest with her as a best friend. Tell her that you love her, but that you understand she has a bf and that nothing can happen, but you still just honestly want her in your life as a friend. Anything more dramamtic and you run the risk of losing the friendship if she can't handle the guilt and awkwardness. Even this may cause awkwardness so it's up to you to judge the best way to handle it. Hugs....i know how devastating this is. Xx

[smackie9]

I'm in high school and I'm in love with my best friend. We've been friends for a long time and are very close, to the point where she thinks of me as her big brother. I've had these feelings for over a year now, and i dont know what to do. I know that I can't tell her, because if I did her boyfriend would find out and get even more jealous of us than he already is. I'm also worried it would ruin our friendship, because people always ask if I like her and I always lie and say no. Normally i can handle this but just recently her boyfriend and her got into an argument about me and now she doesn't think we should hang out as much now. I'm crushed, I don't know what to do, I just want to get over my feelings for her. What do i do??

Leave her alone.....she only sees you as a brother, and that isn't going to ever change. I know what will solve all your problems.....stop being "friends" with girls and grow a set....ask girls out on dates and find your own GF.

[tufa4311]

I was in the same position as you are when I was in junior high so I know exactly how you feel. This all happened a long time ago for me but love is love so I'll share my story. I also had a girl "best friend" beginning in 7th grade. We'd go through the school year hanging out with each other between classes and at lunch, then when the summer came we would have no contact, then the school year came again and we'd fall right back into "best friends". Of course the whole time I loved her and the whole time she had other boyfriends and I just didn't tell her how I felt for the same reason - I was afraid I would loose her all together so I just kept it all in me. Well, 9th grade came along and she and her boyfriend broke up (I was silently happy as hell). Then a few weeks later she mentioned to me how another guy asked her out and she was going to go on a date with him. And that did it, I blew my top, I just couldn't hold it in anymore - I raised my voice telling "what the hell! What are you doing, how could you start seeing someone else so soon, I love you and you don't even see me like that at all"...and on and on I went. Well...i remember exactly what her expression was..she was floored, completely taken, surprised, for her it came out of the blue, BUT, in that second her view of me changed right then and there. We started going out that week and she was my girlfriend until we had to leave each other for college. You see, I had never told her, so she always just saw me as this cute little boy because I never took a stand, I never showed her my real self. When I blew my top, she finally saw who I really was, and that drew her in - she finally saw who I was and she liked it! And get this, 15 years after we split up because of college she sent an email to me with the subject line "is this you"...that's it, nothing else in the email - 6 months later we were married.

What does all this mean for you? In my humble opinion you need to come out and lay your feelings on the table. You've faked it long enough, you need to come out. No matter what happens, being real is always better than faking it. Show her who you are.

[Cerulean.]

That's an awesome story, Tufa.