He is just looking for sex or relationship?

[dreamer_piscean]

Hi, I have known a guy in early June, and he is actually my friend's friend. We chatted on FB and after 2 weeks, we went on a date. The date went extremely well...the next day, we continue to make plans for dates on the following weeks. During our dates, he likes to discuss a lot of topics about relationship so we could get to know each others. He even asked me about my thought about marriage, if both of us are together, whether I can follow him back to his hometown one day. Also during this time, he texts me quite often on daily basis, sometimes telling he misses me and all that.

Everything is very positive, until the day we had a serious topic on 'marriage', he told me he has no idea on when he wanna get married, and he has nvr thought of that, and to him, marriage is just a certification and he is not ready. But he said I have thought of marriage, and if we are together he is afraid that if it didn't work out, it will waste my time.

Btw, I forgot to mentioned that he is 4 years old younger than me, he is 29 and I'm 33. He has known my age before we date, so age isn't a problem for both of us. But he said timing is. During our last exclusive talk in early July, we discussed about how will it be if we really in a relationship, and our conclusion (more of his conclusion) is : to let it progress naturally.

After that, he has cut down his sms, no more 'i miss you' messages, from meeting 3-4 times a week to maybe just once a week.... I felt very uncomfortable with his sudden change, and i decided to take charge by try to SMS him, ask him out for dinner etc.
When i text him, he will reply but it usually ended my SMS as the last reply, or he will just stop replying me. There is once I went for a trip and din text him for few days, and he will text me back ask me how's my trip, when I will be back etc...The day after I'm back he started to text me again...and two days after SMS with him, he suddenly ask me if I wanna have sex with him. I took the chance of asking him whether he treats me as his gf or just friend, and he mentioned I'm just friend to him. Anyway, I have rejected and told him that I'm looking for a relationship not sex only friendship. He did apologize on the next day saying he never think much that night, and felt the urge to ask me.

After that incident, we did went for one dinner date and a movie date, he seemed OK and is able to joke about the 'sex question' thing. We just chat like friend, and nothing else. he never tried to hold my hands or touch me during the date. When I felt that we are not heading anywhere, I stop SMS him and want to let him go.

3 days later, he text me again, for that whole week, we have dinner for 3 continuous day together. As he knows that I am alone, and need someone accompany for dinner....

I would like to ask a guy opinion on : what's this guy thinking? If he doesn't want to be in a relationship with me, he should just cut it off. And he also know that I will not simply have intimacy with him cause that's not what I'm looking for. However, the fact of him texting me when I least expected gave me hope at the same time confused. I thought maybe he just needs a company. Yesterday I text him and chat him about my family problems, he replied a few SMS but ended with my SMS as the last one, which leaves the chat hanging...

Can anyone of you give me some advise from a male's perspective? I thought he has feelings for me, but he wasn't that caring as he used to be, yet he still choose to date me out, and usually he pays the bills. I have a feeling that he is just using me to fill up his 'lonely' time or just need a casual company.

[cheekxs]

Oh my. if you know all of this , why do you keep asking us and keep
intertaining him ?

Use your brains. He clearly told you from the start what his plans are with you! : LITTLE DINNERS SO YOU CAN FEEL COMFORTABLE AND SO HE CAN REACH HIS NEXT
LEVEL,AND THIS IS TO GET YOU IN BED SO HE CAN FO CK YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!

Is it clear to you now? !!

One thing i find very good of you is that you told him right away what your plans are. and that you are looking for serious relationship to get married.
But one thing you are doing very wrong is to keep hanging on people that dont have the same goal as you.
If you want to get marry and you keep hanging on someone that wants to only fock you, you are putting your goals and morals in danger.

Cause your flesh may lead you to change your mind when things get heated.
Cause his goal is sex. so he will not stimulate you for marriage. But to have sex.

So once you see or know that the person dont have the same goal as you, you need the break it up!
And leave it!
But its like you want him to have sex with you or you like to be played or something.
Cause you still forcing and keep hanging around with this dude.

So if he use you ,blame yourself !
Cause you had enough signals and reasons to break up those dinners and friendship with him.

If you are looking for fruits, you don't go to the bakery, right? Or do you?

[dreamer_piscean]

Thanks for your reply, very honest reply. YES...i do realize there is something wrong, and I've got signal that the date is turning the other way. However, my friend who has known him for 7 years, gave me good remark on him, as a person. That's why I still have a hope that perhaps if we could become friend, then there might be a possibility that he will change his mind after getting to know me better. Means he will see relationship in a different way rather than going for sex-oriented relationship.

After seeing your reply, I guess I should really set up my mind. I'm not sure if I can do that cause I like him, but I will try to put your words in my mind. Thank you...

[HeartIsAching]

I took the chance of asking him whether he treats me as his gf or just friend, and he mentioned I'm just friend to him.

So... he answered your question. You may not have liked the answer, but he answered it. What's your question, again?

If he doesn't want to be in a relationship with me, he should just cut it off. And he also know that I will not simply have intimacy with him cause that's not what I'm looking for. However, the fact of him texting me when I least expected gave me hope at the same time confused. I thought maybe he just needs a company. Yesterday I text him and chat him about my family problems, he replied a few SMS but ended with my SMS as the last one, which leaves the chat hanging...

So now we know your opinion. Why does it have to be his? If you don't want to have a friends-only sex relationship, tell him so and drop it. Stop answering him and stop calling/texting him.

[smackie9]

You are one of those people who think that waiting it out, they will come around and want what you want...there are terrible consequences in doing so. It's going to be a terrible let down so save yourself the disappointment. Why he hasn't completely dropped you? Because he is one of those people too, thinking if he waits it out you will cave in and have sex with him. You both are being silly, part ways quickly and be done with it.

[dreamer_piscean]

You are one of those people who think that waiting it out, they will come around and want what you want...there are terrible consequences in doing so. It's going to be a terrible let down so save yourself the disappointment. Why he hasn't completely dropped you? Because he is one of those people too, thinking if he waits it out you will cave in and have sex with him. You both are being silly, part ways quickly and be done with it.

Thanks. you are so damn right. after reading all of your feedbacks, I actually hope to settle it quick, I'm thinking to sit down and talk to him, tell him what I want is different from his, and if he thinks the other way round, we shouldn't be contacting each other anymore. I hope through talking at least we are clear and could move on separately.

[Roth Sid]

Give him some time and if you feel insecure about it, then don't go to bed with him. Be friends for the time being.

[heykevin]

i am 100% sure that he is only looking for s** .and if i m wrong just ask him to meet your parents for marriage

[heykevin]

meet him but be careful may be he'll try to seduce you....

[smackie9]

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