I could really do with some advice, so confused right now

[tjfable]

Hello people

I have just joined this site as i'm having issues with a woman I really like and I am tired of the same old responses from my friends 'oh forget about her'.

So here is the story, I don't know if its different to others but technically we wasn't in a relationship, we have been going out on dates and meeting up when ever possible for lunch. Everything had been going great we would speak everyday , meet up a lot, she would send me sweet texts about how much she liked me or missed me. I would do the same back , she made me feel amazing and she felt the same. She has always been honest with me and said that she was in two minds about a relationship as she was really hurt by her ex , he would put her down all the time and in the end cheated on her. I explained to her that I understood how she felt as I went through the same thing a few years back and there was no rush for a relationship and that I was happy just enjoying her company and living in the now not thinking of the future, she again agreed and thanked me for being understanding. That was a couple of weeks ago.

Friday it all came crashing down , she said that she does really like me and I tend to believe her as she was never cold towards me , she was always affectionate, but because of her past and being so unsure about what she wants she had to end it as its not fair on me to wait around whilst she makes up her mind, I explained that I was fully aware of the risks and understood her concerns, but she just said that this is how it started with her ex but she was in the position i'm in and really didn't want to hurt me should she decide she doesn't want a relationship as she had promised herself never to do that to someone. I did the usual thing and said that just because this how it started with her ex it doesn't mean history will repeat itself, explained that if I am aware of the risks then surely its my choice if I should put myself in that position but she wasn't having it and said it hurts her to have to let me go now as she will regret it should she change her mind. I told her that I would wait for her as from the moment we meet she has brought nothing but happiness to me , she said she can't do it to me its not fair on me, she thinks i'm amazing and really does like me and will miss me so much.

I'm struggling to get my head around it because as I say everything was going great there was no signs of her wanting to end it , I mean yes we had conversations about how she felt but she always said that it reassured her when I said there was no rush, we was even out on a date the night before this happened and she was holding my hand and cuddling me, so I really don't get why the very next day she just puts up the barriers and shuts me out like this.

I had a text off her Saturday morning just saying she is going to miss me very much, I replied with a No Contact message , although not sure it will do much good as we wasn't in a relationship so not sure if doing that will help at all and to be honest i'm really struggling with it , I so badly want to pick up the phone and text her , i've had to remove her off facebook because I just kept looking at her photos today.

I really just don't understand why she has done this out f the blue , and do you think I was right for the No Contact message ? or should I of tried to remain a part of her life so she could see I wouldn't hurt her, i'm so confused and I don't want to give up on her because we really did have something special going we was both happy she told me so many times how happy she was I was in her life... what is going on ?? what do I do to fix this ?, tomorrow will only be the start of NC day 2 and i'm just not convinced that its going to help so many times i've reached for the phone but something inside has stopped me from reaching out to her.

[HeartIsAching]

Either she's really controlling, or she's using that as an excuse to get rid of you - either way, do you really want a relationship with someone like that?

[tjfable]

To be honest she wasn't controlling she was the exact opposite if anything, and I'm not sure she just said them things to get rid of me.
I've had GF's like that in the past and she was different to them very sweet natured but had been really hurt before so i'm putting it down to she had these feelings for me and got scared.... or am I just that naive ??

[HeartIsAching]

If she wasn't saying it to just get rid of you, then she was controlling YOUR outcome, making a life decision FOR you. It doesn't matter if it was something she did out of "concern" for you. That's the most common excuse used by controlling people. If she was sincere, then it was your risk to decide whether or not to take - there's no way around it.

If not, she was just using it as an excuse to get rid of you, so I reiterate - would you REALLY want to be with someone like that?

[tjfable]

I did say that surely it was my risk to take but all I got back was she couldn't do that to me so I guess I have been totally blinded by this woman and she isn't who I thought she was

[HeartIsAching]

That seems likely.

[HeartIsAching]

If it's possible that she's not normally controlling, you might have some success with pointing out to her that what she did is controlling. You get to make your own decisions about the risks you take with your heart. If she's sincere she'll consider it.

I'd be willing to put money down (Vegas odds) though that it was an excuse to get rid of you, and that if she's at all honest, she'll say so when you press her.

[Amena]

I'm quite confused with all this...it could very well be some sort of manipulation, but this is just a guess! If it's causing so much confusion already then that must be a sign to get out...good luck.

[tjfable]

It could well be , I guess only time will tell , I will just have to stick to no contact and see how this pans out.