Eternal Unrequited Love

[ghenkis]

To whomever reads this thread, thank you from the bottom of my heart. I can't believe I'm even doing this but the unbearable pain radiates throughout my soul and I know for a fact that it won't ever go away, even with time. However, it will diminish, I just want and need it to be sooner. Hopefully, by posting my cries of torment up; it'll aid in the recovery process to start anew with someone else...

Here is my testament:

My ex and I dated for three years and we both felt strongly for one another. More so, I felt and knew deep within that she was My Soulmate. Our relationship was long distance in which it crossed into our northern neighbor, Canada. We were suppose to marry in a matter of years once we got our finances straightened out and my dual citizenship in the works with her proper sponsorship. Heck! We've even gotten promise rings and I was working on getting us engagement rings!

However, in the final year, I became corrupted and fell prey to the many sins of this deceitful world. In the midst, I constantly abused her emotionally with no shred of mercy or compassion. All the while all she did was cry and plead for me to open my eyes. Blinded by my unrelenting rage I abandoned her for a moment because I believed I needed time to myself in order to "see the light". During this period she made attempts to get me to show her that I had a place in my heart for her...but my heart was completely harden at this time and I showed no signs of love or care for her whatsoever.

Two weeks drifted by and the dark clouds finally lifted away from my eyes. However, I discovered she no longer loved me. As a matter of fact, she told me she has "moved on" with a new man and that for her; the process of moving on began since the beginning of our final year together. Which was when the spiral of death began.

She advised me to "move on" as well. Followed up by showing me pictures of them together and telling me that she was "happy".

I initially begged her to see that I acted rashly in the heat of the moment and that I genuinely love her...but quickly came to my senses that forcing such things on her just isn't right or fair. So, I sent her a handwritten letter and wished her...and her new man the best of luck...and told her we just both need some time apart from each other...I haven't contacted her ever since.

I pray to God every night to help me in some way to ease the pain...yet I know I will always long to be with her as she is My Other Half.

Perhaps you will perceive me as being melodramatic but rest assured I am not. I'm just truly remorseful and wish that in the future we will start over again...but who am I kidding, that's nothing more but a fairy tale wish...and we all know that we exist in a reality that is harsh and desolate for fools, such as myself.

What I'm pondering is, just how can she find...or should I say replace me...all in a matter of two weeks? I understand that I was the one who pushed her away first because I wanted her to give me time alone to calm myself down...but still...the events which have unfolded thus far just seem too surreal. Well, then again, she did say that she has been "moving on" in our last year together...but is that even possible?

[vashti]

Well, then again, she did say that she has been "moving on" in our last year together...but is that even possible?

Not only is it possible, it is LIKELY. Women move on in the head long before moving on with their bodies.

I suggest you get really busy with other activities. Distraction will help you heal faster.

[IndiReloaded]

In the midst, I constantly abused her emotionally with no shred of mercy or compassion. All the while all she did was cry and plead for me to open my eyes. Blinded by my unrelenting rage I abandoned her for a moment because I believed I needed time to myself in order to "see the light". During this period she made attempts to get me to show her that I had a place in my heart for her...but my heart was completely harden at this time and I showed no signs of love or care for her whatsoever.

Relationships really are to teach us about ourselves. You learned something from this experience. So did she (how to stand up to assholes, which you know you were). Sounds, unfortunately, like your time together is over. This was a one-way door you've passed through. Treat your next partner with more respect and care. Good luck.

[HeartIsAching]

What really happened is that he had a consequence for his action, and now regrets the outcome.

[IndiReloaded]

What really happened is that he had a consequence for his action, and now regrets the outcome.

Isn't life just shit like that?

[Maple1714]

Men always seem so surprised at how quickly women move on. It does happen in the mind first...I am sure she was emotionally leaving you in the dust long before the 2 week thing. Sorry you are in such pain I am curious what you did? Sounds like you started using drugs or cheated on her?

[ghenkis]

Vashti,

Thank you for reaffirming my suspicions. I've been working out extensively so it helps to some extent.

[ghenkis]

IndiReloaded,

Indeed they do. To this very day I still feel ashamed and disgusted at how I could turn into an asshole. Although I won't ever have the chance to show her that I've truly changed; at least I can rest easier knowing that I won't ever make the same mistakes. Thanks for the feedback.

[ghenkis]

HeartIsAching,

What really happened is that he had a consequence for his action, and now regrets the outcome.

Touche. *sigh* If only I wasn't so stupid and blind. Oh well, you reap what you sow.

[ghenkis]

Maple1714,

Thank you for your insight and kind words. However, honestly, I think I deserve such pain for treating her so badly.

To answer your question, I've never used drugs before and there is no way I would ever cheat on My Woman. What I did was call her things I shouldn't have. Not to mention, a list of numerous other things (e.g. trust issues, not showing that I appreciated her, etc.)

[dreamer_piscean]

Hi Ghenkis,
After hearing your story, i do feel sorry for you at the moment. At the same time, understanding on how you have treated her, as well as her reaction during that time, it made sense to me that this is the consequences you are getting. I guess this is not about just you and her anymore, but about your life, this is a karma happening which is hard to change for the time being. You reap what you sow, and you really need to accept it, let it go, learn from it, and do not make the same mistake again. Everything that happened in our life, every person that comes into our life, loved us, left us, for a reason, which is to make us the person who are supposed to be. Therefore, she might just be that person in your life which plays an important role into enlightening you to a better person? You should be able to see the whole situation, and know that what is happening to you now is normal, because of how you have treated her before.

It is good that you have realised all this right now, so you will not make the same mistake again. All the best to you and hope you will be able to heal yourself through time...

[ghenkis]

Dreamer_piscean,

I absolutely agree with everything you've said.

Even though I'm still in the process of accepting and letting it go. Hahaha...I can attest to the fact that I've learned from this experience and won't ever make the same mistakes again.
Truth be told, despite the sporadic pain, I'm actually starting to feel happy somewhat because I know that she is happy now; even if it isn't with me.

Thanks for dropping in. You've helped raised my spirit.