Need Help Figuring Her Out!!

[310mariner]

Hi everybody,I just wanted to get some peoples insight on my current situation with my ex. I'll just start off by filling you in with the details of the breakup, I'll try to keep it short. My girlfriend ended things between us about a month ago and it's really been taking a toll on me. We were together for a little over two years and I'd say it was pretty serious until things went south. Issues with her insecurities and neediness started to weigh me down. I got to the point where I built up so much resentment that I just stopped caring. The last few months of the relationship got pretty rocky, to the point where she just gave up. The thing is, we've been talking ever since and she still has pictures of us up on her FB. I know she still loves me and tells me things like "I miss you," and "I promise we will figure it out" and that she's just a wreck from all of it. Things were starting to get better between us, we've been talking everyday through text and sometimes a phone call here and there which was a nice feeling. I've been trying to stay positive about everything, keeping busy and just bettering my life. She sees that finally and I believe she feels guilty for breaking up with me. I was seriously believing that things were really working out between us until yesterday. A good friend of mine broke some unpleasant news to me last night. His girlfriend is friends with my ex so they obviously talk about everything. I came to find out that she's been talking to some other guy that she met through a mutual friend. Same ole story right. I'll give you the details on what was said to me. Quotes like "she's on this guys jock," "he works out," he's everything that I'm not and that I had no goals in life. Pretty cold-blooded if you ask me. And all the while she's still trying Brto make things right between us. I called her out about it last night through a text message. It wasn't a hateful message either because I wanted to be mature about it. The moment after I sent it, she started blowing me up wanting to talk about it, but I didn't want to because I had too much anger and frustration to talk and I didn't want to get into an argument. So I slept on it. 25 text messages and phone calls later, I manned up and called her. We talked about it and she drove to my house to explain to me whats been going on. The rumors were true and she has been talking to someone that she just considers a "friend." They went to the movies together and they've been talking about their breakup. She said he is just a nice person to talk to and that he was in an 11 year relationship ready to be engaged but ended up not working out for him. She also mentioned that she's not looking for a relationship and that she just needs people to talk to and relate to in her life. I feel like she's just talking to this guy as a rebound but I cant say. I don't really know how to handle this situation, we talked for a good two hrs in person this morning and I could tell in her eyes that she was genuine about it and she still wants to work on each other but I just don't know for certain. I don't want to be put on the back burner and have her fall for this guy. I'm just really at a loss right now. No contact is something i've considered but at the same time, I don't want her to think I don't care about her anymore and she moves onto someone else. We came to an agreement that its just best to spend some time apart from each other for a little while to figure things out for ourselves. Well she already cracked by calling me and wanting to talk about "the good times we had?" like why now all of a sudden. Telling me she misses my body, the love-making and craving it?How should I handle this predicament I'm in?? Thanks in advance for any advice, it's much appreciated.

[haxan]

You have to try and put the sentiment on the back burner. Your friend's girlfriend description of what is going on is the truth. Your ex's version is to keep you from disappearing until she sees how the other guy plays out. She's obviously trying to move on, but most people (her included) don't have the strength to let go of the past and do it on their own.

You have to know and feel that she's playing you, because that's what's going on.

Advice: Summon up the strength to shut her out and move on. If she wants you, she will come back 100%, no exceptions. Don't feel like you have to be in her face to keep her from falling for this guy. That will make no difference, you know that.

[310mariner]

I'm the dumpee, however, my EX has her insecurities and it seems as if she regretted breaking up with me because she sees me moving on and bettering my life without her in it. Things were going well and we were talking everyday, just trying to stay positive. I recently found out from a friend that she met some guy and that she had said that "he is everything that I'm not" which really just crushed me. I confronted her about it and she seemed completly honest and admitted to everything. She told me the famous quote that they are just "friends" and can relate to alot of things, nothing more. She even said they had gone to the movies and that they have had a couple serious conversations over the phone just about life and god. She was always the type to have guy friends before we were together. She doesn't have that great of a track record as far as relationships go either. She was in a relationship for a year then jumped into another one for four years then jumped into a two year relationship with me. She never really had that time to work on her and focus on loving herself, she always put me first and I'm assuming the guys in her past relationship as well. Anyways, I'm just at a loss right now. My heads telling me to just let it go and move on, but my hearts telling me to stay. Is my love for her blinding me? Should I keep trying for her? I don't want to be in a situation where I'm put on the back burner and set myself up just to get hurt all over again. I appreciate any replies.

[Ely North]

It sounds like she's keeping you around until she sees how things will work with the new guy. It sucks to wait around in a situation like that, so don't wait. Force her to make a decision in one single moment. Follow her and the new guy or find out where they'll be (like at a restaurant or bar), and when they're sitting together, walk right in as if he's not even there and kiss her passionately. If she swoons for you, she's yours. If she kicks you in the groin and yells at you to get out of there, then it's over. Either way, at least you'll know and be able to move on.