Did I Over-react

[bellemissy]

Hi. To the males out there ... How did my boyfriend jump to this conclusion and was I over-reacting to get upset?

A bit of history. We are in a long term, serious relationship and are both currently under a bit of stress for different reasons. This night we were talking on the phone and it came up that I would be getting home cooked meals again as I am moving back home, to which I replied that my dad is lazy and I would probably get frozen meals. (my mum works almost 12 hr days and my dad gets home early afternoon so he is usually responsible for dinner. However, he often comes home, sits in his lounge chair and doesn't move for the rest of the afternoon, so mum gets a frozen meal for dinner).

Anyway. After my comment, my boyfriend says "that's one of the things that worries me". I had no idea what he was talking about. His explanation was, (if we were married) I would call him lazy if he didn't cook me dinner. !? For starters, I have never called him lazy, he is usually the one who cooks for me anyway, and I freely admit that I am no domestic goddess. I just can't understand how the jump was made from an innocent comment about my dad to a hypothetical attack on him!

I was very upset by his comment, as I felt then that he obviously doesn't think much of me, and his response to me getting upset was that he didn't mean to upset me, but was just "trying to express how he felt" and "in future should he not do that?"

My question is, how did he turn a comment about my dad into a personal attack on him, and what does that say about what he thinks of me?

[smackie9]

He doesn't know how to communicate with you properly. His comment is something a 13 year old girl would say.....a comment that is left for you to figure out. FAIL! He should have said, "If we were married, and I didn't cook dinner, would you call me lazy too?" and then you say "how can you turn a comment about my dad into a personal attack on you? Is that how you think of me?" Then he would realize how stupid his comment was.

(his response to me getting upset was that he didn't mean to upset me, but was just "trying to express how he felt" and "in future should he not do that?" ) He really needs to work on that. actually you both do.

[vashti]

Hmm... I actually sympathize with your boyfriend. I am assuming you are an adult, and you are moving back home to your parents house? If you are an adult, you have an equal responsibility to cook a meal that your father has, and I think calling him lazy for not doing so was very disrespectful and hypocritical, and doesn't speak well of your character.

Why can't YOU cook a meal? You are certainly old enough to learn - I started cooking when I was 8.

[smackie9]

Ya I was learning to cook at 8 as well. I agree with vashti, you need to get off your lazy ass and cook some meals and help out with the chores.

[bellemissy]

For the record, yes I am an adult and yes I am moving back home to my parents house so that I can rent my house to help save money as I am also in the process of buying a business. Also for the record, I never said that I wouldn't help cook or do house work when I do move home.

My original question was how does my boyfriend turn a comment about my dad (who can in fact be extremely lazy - by his own admission) into a personal attack on him?

Thanks

[Ely North]

Maybe he did something wrong, something you don't know about yet, something you'll get mad about. So he said what he said to make it seem like you did something wrong, which he can use to offset your fury when you find out what he did. Does this make sense?

[vashti]

For the record, yes I am an adult and yes I am moving back home to my parents house so that I can rent my house to help save money as I am also in the process of buying a business. Also for the record, I never said that I wouldn't help cook or do house work when I do move home.

My original question was how does my boyfriend turn a comment about my dad (who can in fact be extremely lazy - by his own admission) into a personal attack on him?

Thanks

They say if you look at how people treat their parents (and waitresses), you can see how they will eventually treat you. I am guessing it kind of worried him, to see you demonstrate such little respect.

[distilled]

I don't think you should be so upset by his comment. Sure the way he said it wasn't the greatest but sometimes thats how we are. We say crap that makes sense in our minds but can be misunderstood when heard by other people. And the part about "he didn't mean to upset me, but was just "trying to express how he felt"", means exactly that. At least he is trying.

[Zeus]

I think you misunderstood the meaning of your boyfriend. But how is your relationship to your boyfriend now? Are you both okay? If not you really overacted.

[HeartIsAching]

How was that a personal attack? Seems like a reasonable assumption to make, and a reasonable question to ask in light of your judgmental comment.