Is it time to move on?

[905runner]

Hi everyone,

ive been divorced for 4 years and my kids are out of the house so I live alone.

Shortly after the divorce i started dating a girl from work who was also divorced. we get along great and have a great relationship except for one thing. She has two kids who are both in univesity and still live at home. She is a very conservative woman and feels that it is improper to stay over at my house.

She has no problem going on vacations weekends away etc but wont even consider staying over. Our sex life is great but after 4 years I feel like i am stuck in a continous dating mode. She says things will change when her kids leave, but they have to be comfortable to leave on thier own and this could take years. She still cooks for them and pays all thier bills so why would they leave?

Should i stay or should i go?

[Wakeup]

Should i stay or should i go?

That is entirely up to you and how long you are or are not willing to wait for her kids to move out. So: Do you want to do it her way or the highway?

[Boisdevie]

She is a very conservative woman and feels that it is improper to stay over at my house.

But it's OK for you to have sex at her place? What a load of shite. Her kids are old enough for her to stay over at your place.

She says things will change when her kids leave

Sounds like she's making excuses. And as you say the kids, esp kids these days, could stay for years, even beyond graduating. So you either put up with this situation that you clearly don't like or tell her how you feel and tell her you might end things if changes don't happen.

[905runner]

No she wont have sex at her place, only when we are away or at my place. I know she is sicere in wanting to protect her kids but feel she is misguided. She is old school but wont budge on this.

She says she has no choice. I did tell her this could be a deal breaker and she says that what we have is too good to give up. i know its my choice but its a hard choice.

[surfhb]

If it were me I'd have bolted years ago but like Wakeup said, it's depends how long long you can put up with this BS

[Wakeup]

Okay, so now you need to breakdown why making a choice is so hard. What is more important to you, being with her under her terms or having your terms met?

What exactly would you like to see happen with this woman?

[905runner]

i could see marrying her, ive given myself deadlines before but they come and go and now i have 4 years invested.

[smackie9]

I'd just move on because you know none of what you hope for (living together, etc) is not going to happen. I think she is just avoiding committing to anything by using her kids as an excuse. 4 years? What a waste of time dude. You should have dumped her right after she told you those terms. You have been kidding yourself for way too long...........

[smackie9]

Tip: when first dating someone, you have to discuss expectations right up front. If they honestly can't be met, leave the relationship, don't hope they will change their mind. Wish you were here 3 years earlier.....oh well.

[905runner]

i know your right thanks, but doesnt every relationship have problems

[smackie9]

I know I'm double posting but I have to add, if this is the way she coddles her adult kids, and puts them first over you, I foresee other issues down the road. What if one of them loses their job? or their partner kicks them out and they have no place to go?....they are going to run back to mommy and this ugly mess is going to start all over again.

[Wakeup]

i could see marrying her, ive given myself deadlines before but they come and go and now i have 4 years invested.

Well, have you actually asked her to marry you? Perhaps if you were married, she would not feel that she was doing something that her children would look badly upon her for???

Four years and neither of you have discussed what the next step in your union will be? I'd like more details about the jist of your relationship and some proof that you have voiced to her that you do more than just simply "see yourself married to her" before I go telling you to move on from her. Have you actually asked her to marry you? Are your financial portfolios similar or does she have more than you? What else is going on here beside her just not willing to let you sleep at her house?
Perhaps she just thinks you want to sleep with her yet you are too apathetic to actually commit any further than you have in four years? Have you ever asked her for more commitment then just sleep-overs and she's turned you down?

[Boisdevie]

Four years invested? What shite. The four years you've been together are in the past. Shurely what matters is the future and she seems to have made it pretty clear it's her way or the highway. She says what you have is too good to give up - provided things continue under her terms. Nice for her. Shit for you. So put up or shut up.

[Wakeup]

It's only "shit for him" if he wants a solid commitment from her and she won't give it. I don't consider her refusing to allow him to sleep over or her sleep over at each other's homes as not committing. Not commiting is him outright asking her and him willing to give her something more solid than wanting sleep overs. If after asking for marriage and she then refuses and is content at just dating, well then I'd say it's time for him to sh*t or get off her pot and decide if he's wasting time with her.