Need an opinion

[Kshow215]

Hello all, I'll try to make this to the point I've been in a relationship for almost a year, but recently I was a little insecure with my girlfriend about a month ago, she has become increasingly distant, and irritable, this past month I only saw her a few times, we are both recovering addicts, and she says she is focusing on her recovery that comes first, which I encourage, but she admits she is not healthy, we spoke about all this last night, and she said she can tell she is hurting my feelings, but she doesnt want any relationship responsibilities, I told her to just focus on herself and get better and I'm here if you need me. She even put on the table that maybe we should spend some time apart so I can find someone that will give me the attention I need. Im trying not to be needy here, but she wishes that we had met at a different time, she say that I'm the first guy that hasn't been abusive, she has been physically abused in the past, I can tell there is something that is preventing her from cutting me off, but I'm afraid that she has lost interest. I think its more that she has no interest in a relationship, but she thinks that I have the potential to be a long term partner. I really Love her, but she doesn't say it. I'm afraid if we separate that will be it for us,anybody have recommendations on this situation, I could give more info if someone wants to chat I dont want to lose her, but I need some help on how to get her to regain interest in me, I know its there, she just feels bad because she knows she's not giving me the attention I deserve, and by attention I mean affection, calling me texting me and hanging out more than once in a two week period. I am currently just trying to be a good friend, and I am going to take her out this weekend to have some fun.

[Maple1714]

How long has she been sober? Was it H? Are you sure she isn't using again? Need more info.

I think all you can really do is tell her how you feel and try and have fun when you are together. If she has lost interest then you just have to give her some space. That's the thing about space...as time passes we miss people and eventually tend to only remember the good times. So maybe if you do give her some space she will recognize how great you are and come back? Sounds like she needs some time to focus on herself.

[Kshow215]

Yes I agree she even says that she needs time to focus on herself, and she knows she cant be a good girlfriend now, so I did exactly that I gave her the space she needed this last month, but I did talk to her about it last night that it concerned me, but I want her to do what she's got to do, I know she isnt using I'm confident about that we have been going to meetings on a daily basis, what I'm trying to figure out is if I should let her go so she can focus on herself, I'm just afraid that that will be the end and we will not get back together, or someone else could slip in, I guess I cant control that. she did say she was just putting in on the table about separating, because she wants me to have someone that can treat me good, so it sounds like the reason she was saying all that was that she wanted me to have someone that would treat me good, because she is incapable of doing that, I would rather be neglected, if thats what it takes to be happy.

[Maple1714]

Give her space. She needs it and she is being honest with you and herself. I don't want to get too deep into a convo about addiction, but you know first hand that we start to use b/c we are trying to fill a "hole"...and then it just gets out of control b/c the drug(s) take over our own bodies chemistry. Anyway, from what you are describing it sounds like she may be a bit depressed...and needs some time to focus on herself probably to make sure she doesn't fall back in to using. Your relationship is no longer filling the "hole" anymore...which it never will of course. All the answers are within and sounds like she just needs to go off and figure stuff out in her own head. I know it's hard to loose someone you love...but I hope it will only be temporary. Keep being there for her and make her laugh when you are together

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Give her all the space she wants. Don't contact her at all. If she does get in contact with you, make sure she wants to get back together, and if not then tell her you have to go and hang up quickly.

[smackie9]

With any addiction, whether it is drugs, sex or alcohol, it is recommended to not be in a relationship. A relationship can be too demanding or stressful and make the person use again. Also you both being addicts, it can encourage a trigger. She obviously feels herself slipping and really needs her space to make this recovery work. Remember people who are more likely to use are those who suffer from depression. I bet money on it, being off the drugs or alcohol, she is feeling that depression again even more than ever. It's the depression talking....once she gets through treatment she will start to feeling better about the relationship.



"I would rather be neglected, if that's what it takes to be happy." The thing is, that it doesn't make you happy, this just proves you lack self worth and she becomes your dependency to replace the one you are trying to recover from.

It would be the healthiest thing to do for the both of you to give each other some space for the time being and focus on getting better.