Need advise

[St Stephen]

Hello everyone. I'm new here but I do need some advise and was hoping some unbiased people could help. I'll keep this as brief as possible so as not to write a novel. Basically I was married and completely faithful for about 16 years. I have been on my own now for just over 2 years. In that time I have casually dated but could never find a spark. I was starting to wonder if I could ever love anyone the way I once loved my wife. Well, 3 weeks ago I met this woman on a camping trip. She was a friend of a friend. We hit it off pretty much instantly. There was just good chemistry between us. The only problem... her boyfriend was there too. The weird thing was, she didn't spend a lot of time with him for those 3 days but instead hung with me a lot. All very innocent of course. I would never disrespect someone like that. But as the weekend wore on, I felt that spark begin to pulse and transform into an aching feeling in my chest. I had never fallen for anyone this fast other than my wife when I was 21 (I'm 40 now). So before she left, she asked how she could stay in touch with me so I told her to find me on facebook, which she did almost immediately. Since then we have texted a bit and last Sat she asked me to meet her out for coffee at a local coffee shop. It was pretty late, like 11 at night but I said sure and went and met her. I showed up expecting her boyfriend to be with her but he was not. It was just her (and our friend who waited on us). We chatted for a couple hours and in that time, she mentioned her relationship with the boyfriend was less than 2 months old. I am finding myself very drawn to her but while I have these feelings, I assume she is just looking for a friend. She asked me to go to an art gallery this weekend out of town while her boyfriend goes to a wedding. I am confused by the nature of their relationship because they don't seem like a good match and they barely interact but when they do interact, it seems they really like each other. I guess I just am looking for opinions and advise on how I should handle this situation. I want to tell her how I feel but I don't want to step on any toes or make anyone uncomfortable. Does anyone have any solid advise on what I should do? Thanks in advance!

[pisces25]

If I were you I'd just say 'I have feelings for you and want to be more than friends' and if she doesn't want it then I would cut contact. What's the point of being friends with someone that you're always going to be wanting more from?

She may say she feels a better connection with you than her BF and break up with him. It has only been 2 months. But if you don't speak up now, then you will be stuck in the friend-zone and/or she could start an 'affair' with you which is obviously less than ideal.

[cheekxs]

I think you are old and wise enought to know its notting inoccent going out with a woman that have a dude and meet you alone seveals times.

I dont think that is nice of her to act that way, while she is not single.

Cause the situation can make it difficult and put her in situation to cheat.

And i think what ever there relationship is is not your businesses! The point is she is no SINGLE!

So you should avoid that kind of woman and situation also and meetings with her.

Cause soon the bf finds out and things will be going down!

If she is a decent woman she would not go with you alone all the time.
If she ants to date around she should be single.

And if you are better then her you should have tell her straight up if her husband is not coming and that
you think its not a good idea for her to keep hanging with you all the time alone
while she is already taken.

The reason of this is, cause soon things can turn into more and you will find yourself fighting with another dude cause
his gf is a slut.
And soon your feelings may grow and things can go wrong cause like i said she is not single.

So stop it and be clear about everything now from the start. before it become more messy.

[cheekxs]

And i think with people like this woman, you have always some kind of chance that they will be cheating
on you to if they end up with you.

Cause that is how they got you. By not having respect for their previous relationship.
And they broke up and took you right after that. so they still did not take time to heal from the break up
so soon you can find them cheating and go for some sex to their ex. cause there still feelings there.

[St Stephen]

Just to be clear, I would never in a million years be "the other man" no matter how much I liked someone. It's not me and I am a firm believer that if you don't want to be in a relationship with someone you need to end it before you start a new one. That being said, I think you are right, Pisces25. I need to just get it out there. My only concern is we run with the same crowd, so I don't want to make it awkward. I guess I'm not sure how to say it so it isn't awkward if she says thanks but no thanks. Thanks both of you for your advise! I greatly appreciate it.

[IndiReloaded]

So before she left, she asked how she could stay in touch with me so I told her to find me on facebook, which she did almost immediately. Since then we have texted a bit and last Sat she asked me to meet her out for coffee at a local coffee shop. It was pretty late, like 11 at night but I said sure and went and met her. I showed up expecting her boyfriend to be with her but he was not. It was just her (and our friend who waited on us). We chatted for a couple hours and in that time, she mentioned her relationship with the boyfriend was less than 2 months old.

Tell her you like her and would happily date her if she were single. Say you are uncomfortable with seeing a woman who has a boyfriend (blame it on old-fashioned values). Stay in touch as friends only (i.e. no late night coffees), back way off, and let her choose what she wants. Date other women in the meantime to take the edge off.

Good luck. PS - read up on women and 'monkey-branch theory'. I.e. some insecure women will only 'jump' to a new branch (man) when a better prospect is assured. Beware, they can be intoxicating, but also a lot of trouble.
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Monkey%20Branching

[haxan]

Tell her you like her and would happily date her if she were single.

You actually are in a good spot, Stephen. You like her, she appears to like you and she knows how to contact you. Just tell her straight out, I'm really attracted to you, but as more than a friend. I know you have a boyfriend now, but if that ever changes you know how to get a hold of me. Believe me, if she's into you, like you're into her, she will end her current relationship and contact you. If not, then oh well, she's happy.

I can tell you I had that situation one time, only I hadn't even hung out with her or got to know her like you have your girl. I just told her basically what I wrote above. She got in touch with me 2 days later and her boyfriend was history. So, give it a go.

[vashti]

I agree with indi: tell her you would love to date her when she is single, and then stop with the romantic outings.

Unless she does this routinely, I don't think it's necessarily a negative reflection on her character that she is involved in such a short-term relationship and might consider giving it up for you.