Verge of Tears Now!

[dannilyn]

i have no idea why im here posting this. Maybe cause i want people to tell me if im on the right track with my relationship. Were 3 months away from marriage, and its driving me crazy.

My best friends tell me its wedding jitters, but i see a potential reoccurring of sadness throughout my marriage. Hes stepping all over me. :'(

I was working in an oil & gas firm, an engineer, doing well i reckon, met this guy 5 years ago at work, and dated 2 years and half now. He was married, just got divorced last year, yeah he was still in his marriage while dating me. I noe, its wrong, but he kept delaying his divorce.

While those early years i didnt date him, i watched him date around other girls playfully, while still married. I noe, right? hes gonna do the same thing to me. But when he wanted to be serious with me, i told him i wont date married guys, and he said his marriage was already failing after he's wife cheated on him. and he promised he'd marry me in 6months time(which didnt happen, got delayed, delayed..) but anyways, I justified to myself then that him dating all those girls playfully was not entirely wrong.

So yes we dated, he cheated on me not even one year through our relationship, with my best friend at work. How stupid right. i found myself forgiving him, when he said he has awaken and couldn't believe what he did. and only some months later he finally got divorce. I lied to my parents, about his status while i brought him home to meet my family. My parents were furious when they found out from his wife two weeks before the divorce court hearing, but till now, which close to one year after his divorce and my parents finding out, he makes no effort to rekindle the relationship with my parents. And worst, i have never met his family. and marriage is 3 months away.

So he has lied in various ways about his whrabts, apologize that he should return my calls, reply my text, tell me his whrabts blablabla. but does it again today.

Maybe he lied bcoz he was afraid to tell me whr he'd go today. i suspect he's outing with friends golfing. and i happen to be having asthma and sick and all. SO here i am trying to justify why he is lying to me, and not picking up my calls, while he's out.

Why am i doing this? My friends tell me once i have been domesticated. I happen to a socialite, a party animal even once, the outgoing one, and i have rid all male friends for him. Even worst, i have quit my job some 5 months ago, which for doing so without serving my scholarship bond for time required, i have to pay back my bond. He made me quit my job, i couldnt work with him being upset at the workload i bring home (once a while, he should understand shouldnt he? he works in the same company), he gets upset and ignores me when i go outstation.

Please maybe someone out there would tell me if im heading into a disaster. I noe he's just lying about outing for golf/sports. But i believe that once u learn how to lie, u'll lie about bigger things like cheating. Owh did i tell you that i found out abt him cheating on me from another person, and while confronting him, he denied it for a good 15mins and then admit like he's talking about the weather.

What do i do? My friends tell me its wedding jitters and tell me to go on with the wedding. Im hurt and feel like having my job back, move out of this house, and delay the wedding.

[tehwarlock]

You obviously aren't mature enough yet to get married and if he has a history of cheating, he'll probably have a future as well. Unless you're doing it for the money, I think this whole relationship has done you more harm than good.

[dannilyn]

Hurm, u reckon im not ready for marriage.. Ill consider ur advise to delay or call it off..

Wonder what others think?

[asdfg789]

@OP : you must be in your late twenties or early 30's ?

How many other relationships have you been in ? What is it about him that attracts you ?
During this current relationship, how often are you happy vs unhappy ?
Are you expecting things to get better after marriage ?

[distilled]

That's a messed up story in so many ways. It sounds like you already know what you want to do. I would call it off because it sounds like you are really unhappy and I don't think that will change once you get married.

[UdoKier]

I bet there have already been lots of people telling you to dump this loser, so why come here for advice, you are not going to listen to it. You quit your job and before the contract you had ended?Are you sure you are an engineer? Most engineers I know are logic based people with common sense.

[dannilyn]

wow.. i came for advise was hoping people would be like peaceful love gurus here. mocking me asking me if im really an engineer and im immature is not helping me feel better.

Well nvm, but thank you.

[asdfg789]

wow.. i came for advise was hoping people would be like peaceful love gurus here. mocking me asking me if im really an engineer and im immature is not helping me feel better.

Well nvm, but thank you.

Not sure if you are referring to my questions. I certainly was not mocking you and if you ask questions on the internet, you have to be thick-skinned enough to expect some less than friendly answers.
The answers to my questions may lead to the answers that you are looking for.