Will he EVER propose???

[JDO325]

Hello All,

First off, let me start by saying, I am NOT one of those girls who harrasses her boyfriend to get married at the first utter of "I love you", but I am starting to get a bit impatient.

I have been dating my boyfriend for 5 years, living with him for 4 years. We have one bank account, a dog and are actively looking to purchase a house. So one would say, we are pretty much married as it is. We are 29 and 28 years old, not getting any younger, but not old by any stretch. We have both said how we do not want to be with anyone else. Over the past year and a half, pretty much all of our friends have gotten married (and have been together less time than us). This has really started to take its toll on me. I don't see any reason why we shouldn't get married but anytime I bring up ring shopping, or potential wedding stuff, he says to me "any time you bring it up, I am just going to push it further out". That seems a little ridiculous to me, any one else??

To boot, my father (whom I am very close with), got diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer two years ago. At that time, I asked my boyfriend, if we should get married as my dad REALLY wants to be there. He didn't want to do it just because of my dad. So I let it go. Now, my dad is doing very poorly and probably only has a few more months left in him. He would love to know that his daughter is at least engaged to the guy that he loves as his own son. It means a lot to me and my family if I can at least give my dad that before his time. My boyfriend doesn't see it that way and still says "mentioning it just pushes back when I will do it, I don't want people to think you forced me". I think this is garbage but am eager to see what other people say. I have a very bad feeling that if my Dad dies and he asks me to marry him after the fact, I will be resentful for life.

Just trying to get some perspective.. I don't want to force him by any means but we have already said that we want to be together forever, I don't see what the issue is.

Thanks all!!!

[VincenzoG91]

He needs an incentive. Stop having sex with him. Tell him that the next time that the two of you have sex will be on the honeymoon.

[JDO325]

lol - I have tried that. But then he uses that as an excuse as why he is waiting. "We don't even have a sex life". The kid uses every excuse in the book!!!

[VincenzoG91]

Then you need to decide if this is a dealbreaker. It's obvious that he has no intention of ever marrying you. If that isn't acceptable to you, then you should break up with him and move on while there is still time to meet the right guy.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Normally, I would side with your boyfriend on this, but the way he says he's pushing it out just because you're asking him about it screams bullshit. I don't think you should withhold sex as a way to get him to commit, that is just stupid. You should break up with him, and cease all contact. Tell him you're looking for marriage, and if he's not ready after 5 years, he probably never will be. I think you should leave him, but I doubt you will, so you should at least tell him that you're not buying a house until you're engaged with a date set and invitations sent out.

[VincenzoG91]

With his childish fear of commitment, maybe you should instead offer to adopt him.

[vashti]

I wouldn't make long-term financial commitments with someone who wasn't prepared to make marital commitments. I've never seen that go well.

(And the answer to your question is no.)

[crispyysoup]

it seems to me that if he really wanted to marry you, he would've already proposed if he doesn't have any commitment issues. i bet he's indecisive of what he really wants to do and giving excuses on pushing the day he will propose because he feels pressured in his mind or probably just trying to get the courage to leave one day. who knows, different people think differently. For all you know he may just be extending it until you finally decide to break up with him so he's free from the guilt and getting his hands dirty.

i do agree from above that you should try breaking up with him with reasons of wanting marriage and it will never happen with him, absolutely no contact. it's going to be hard and i doubt you'll do it or you will crack on the no contact because you care for this guy. However, if you're successful, you'll finally know if he really wants to be with you, given he begs you to come back and tells you how he wants to change for you or just walks away and never returns.

[sadie_genie]

Sit down and talk to him. Give him a strong logical reason why he should get married.

[HeartIsAching]

He needs an incentive. Stop having sex with him. Tell him that the next time that the two of you have sex will be on the honeymoon.

Uhhh... no. Using her vagina as a weapon is a guaranteed way to not get what she wants.

Other than that, as Vicenzo said earlier you do need to decide if this is a deal-breaker. You probably need to walk away.

[BoredGeorge]

Marriage is really stupid, which is why I don't have a problem with fags doing it. You're going to spend a lot of money for nothing. If you really want to get married I would suggest getting really good BJ and sandwich making skills and get in a routine of BJ and sandwhich regularly. He'll want to marry you in no time. And I don't mean boring sangers either, you gotta mix it up.

If a girl made me sandwhiches I'd marry her.

[PatrikIvarsson]

Our society has come far, why don't you propose to him? Why does it have to be the guy that does this?